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Now that I’m single, my small family’s total yearly income will end up being around 40% of what it was last year. It’s really kind of shocking to write that. I didn’t realize the difference until I did the math.
What’s equally shocking is the fact I now feel far more secure financially than I ever did while married. I feel more secure than when we were first married and had nearly nothing. More secure than when we were both working good jobs pre-children. More secure than when we received substantial raises. And definitely more secure than at any time after the kids arrived.
When we were married I never knew how much money we had in our joint accounts, not even when I managed said accounts myself. It was a problem of spending, out of control unbudgeted spending, which meant that at odd (and often frequent) intervals, money would be spent that I wouldn’t know about until the next bank statement arrived.
Perhaps our issues would have seemed more manageable had I taken advantage of the online banking services that became available toward the end of our union. But probably they wouldn’t have. No matter how frequently I was able to check the accounts, I still would have had to ask, “Is this your charge for $75?” And, “Do you really need another online game/service/subscription/book you’ll never read?”
Those are the questions that made me sick to ask, but not asking them made me feel no less sick. We spent our marriage in and out of substantial debt, to the point that no sooner had one big bill been paid than another would take its place. “It just means we’ll have a credit card payment for a couple more months,” he’d say soothingly, and back on the credit wheel we were strapped.
When I tried to put us on a budget, I failed. He refused to live like “poor people,” he said. “I’ve got a good job and I’m going to act like it,” he’d tell me, despite the evidence of never-ending credit card bills that ate through hundreds of dollars (and huge interest payments) per month.
But now, despite a substantially smaller income, things feel much more secure. The only debt I have now is my house, and barring some extreme financial crisis it will stay that way. I’m unwilling to use the sort of store credit plans (No Interest ’til 2010!) we lived on while married. Nor am I willing to pull out my lone credit card. For anything. I’ve become a financial prude, and the words “fiscal responsibility” fill me with nearly as much luscious glee as do the words “bend over the bed, baby.”
It’s a revolutionary feeling to know how much I have in my checking account. It’s amazing to be able to budget my cash each month. It’s extra amazing to have a savings account balance of more than $20.
I’m not entirely certain how I’ve been able to manage all this, but I know I don’t want it to change. Could I ever again surrender my money into the mix with a partner? Maybe I could, but right now I can’t honestly see any reason why I would.
James on October 9th, 2008 
13messages
darkneuro
aab on October 9th, 2008 
ken
Slow Learner on October 9th, 2008 
Omnipotent Poobah
The Butterfly Temptress
Finn
Mark on October 9th, 2008 
Justin on October 9th, 2008 
aag
Ray
Miss F on October 9th, 2008 
badinfluencegirl
Tony Comstock
Jackie on October 9th, 2008 
~Storm
Ursula
Jim
Emily on October 13th, 2008 
