aag

I know whats in your goody bag. :) At least I think I do.

Your daughter sounds adorable, spunky, but adorable. I bet there is never a dull moment in your house!

Sorry for cutting out on the EF chat earlier. My internet goes down when the phone rings. Don’t ask. :)

ha! i did that to my mom all the time. she would always look at me in a very serious way, crouch down to my level, and say, “merry, i love you, but i do not like what you’ve just done or the fact that you tried to lie to me” (ext..). then i’d get the huge after she made herself very clear. my mom has raised six, well behaved, kids on her own, always being fair, just and kind works (even with toddlers). all the best!

Mer has the right idea… but I would add one thing to it… Tell her that you will be glad to giver her a hug - AFTER she finishes doing what she was supposed to be doing… That acknowledges her request, but also lets her know that she is not going to get away with delay…

Good luck… It sounds like you have a live one! LOL!

Never refuse a child a hug…

You give the hug but continue with the issue at hand. Actually if you kneel down for the hug then you are on her level and can look her dead in the eye. That’s almost worse than just being scolded!

Good luck!

Billy’s solution seems a bit extreme to me. I’d go with Slow2C myself.

Actually, my daughter used to put herself on timeouts in situations like that. It made it very convenient for us:-)

Sorry, I deleted Billy’s “solution,” as we try to keep the consumption of fried foods to a minimum in our house.

Nice to not feel alone in this. My youngest does the same thing.

Can’t have meaningful discipline without love. Hug her. Children need reassurance, when they’ve taken a misstep, that they are still loved.

Ooh, Toad did this once - he had done something REALLY BAD at the time and I looked right at him (he’s 7, remember) and said, “I love you Toad, but right now I am really frustrated and don’t feel as though I can give you the type of hug I want to give you. I promise I’ll hug later, after we talk and I calm down.”

Hubs was PISSED.

Uggs! My little one does this frequently. We call him “annoyingly cute.”
Then again…we also call him “Captain Chaos from Planet Destructo”. ;)

Hi AAG,

She’s using hugs to manipulate the situation — a very bad lesson.

March her little fanny into a corner.

XO

Chuck

I’d do it exactly as Sticky said…hug then carry on, then hug again.

everything i know about parenting i learned by watching episodes of Super Nanny on ABC.

anywho, Super Nanny is totally in favor of hugs AFTER dicipline. it’s important that children understand that punishment does not come out of anger, that conflict resolution is a good thing, that mistakes in judgement are okay but that you will be expected to correct the mistake, etc.

so give the kid a hug after she says she’s sorry for misbehaving and corrects her behavior.

My kids do this a lot… I usually say, we can hug after you change this behavior. (My oldest is particularly adept at blaming her sister) So they have to apologize to whomever they have offended, insulted, injured or disrespected… They also have to do whatever it takes to correct the situation. When they flood the bathroom, they have to clean it up, and then take the towels to the laundry room. They then apologize to me for flooding the bathroom, we talk about why flooding the bathroom was a bad idea, and what happens when we don’t take care of our property then they can have all the hugs they want!

Mean as it sounds, I think she is better served by you not hugging her until afterwards. And explain why, of course.

I read every day but rarely comment but who can resist putting their 2 cents in about parenting, right?

I cannot see withholding affection especially when a child is feeling vulnerable from being caught misbehaving I think I would vote for hug, discuss, punish, discuss punishment, more hugs. kind of a long process but a delay in punishment (a short one, like the time it takes to hug) won’t diminish the cause and effect you are trying to establish particularly if you are talking the child through why you are punishing them while you are getting them to said punishment. (like walking on the way to time out or while getting the towels to clean a flooded bathroom)
That is what I do with my 3 year old toddler, though he is my first, so who knows if this will be effective in turning him into a functioning adult?

Your daughter sounds like she’d make a good Republican. She already has all the moves!

I never refuse my daughter a hug. But I do say, “I love you too, Hun, but you’re still going to your room.”

Thanks for reminding me how normal my daughter is. :-) Now I just need to figure out how to keep her from wasting an entire roll of toilet paper every time she goes to the bathroom.

Hugging wasn’t part of my mother’s vocabulary…

they say that telling off and punishment should be followed by reassurance - it seems your little miss is cutting to after. Which could mean that she knows she’s out of line… which means the punishment is not hugging her (followed by a hug - something’s not making sense - children are surreal in the original Apollinaire sense “beyond real”)

Don’t give up on the hugging - and you wouldn’t if you knew what it means to go without… and what it does.

i have a 4 year old who does the same thing. i remind her that i love her, but that when i’m in the middle of discussing something with her that involves her misbehaviour, it’s not time for hugs. calm and direct works great.