Through chance and strange happenstance, recently I found out that my friend (who for the sake of convenience we’ll call W) has an unusual fetish.
It’s something he’s never done before, but the fervent wish has warmed W’s mind (and other places too) for many years. W envisions this as an entirely consensual scene, don’t worry — but it is extreme. In first reading about this fantasy I felt a little squeamish. For that reason I’ll put the fantasy behind the cut.
But one person’s extreme is another person’s missionary-with-the-lights-off, so I’d like to share W’s fantasy with you. Perhaps, if the stars align correctly and the gods who control desire hear our ardent plea, we’ll find someone, somewhere, whose thoughts mesh well with W’s.
Click below to read exactly what W has in his pervy lil mind:
I’ll wait until my hand is all the way in your cunt, past the wrist. Until you’re snaking around on the bed, gripping onto me, and your right hand finds my left, interlacing your fingers with mine. I’ll hold you there on both my hands, slowly twisting each one, until my left one slips free of all your fingers except the pinkie.
I’ll pause here, twisting my other hand inside of you, watching as you ease into a state of helplessness. Then I will bend your finger back up into the air, onto the back of your hand, slowly, until you start to feel the pain of it. When you look at me with fear in your eyes, I’ll snap it back quickly, feeling you contract hysterically around me as your joint gives in.
Or maybe I’ll leave you fully clothed, come up behind you and do it fast. Maybe the only skin-on-skin contact we have will be my mouth on the back of your neck and my hand wrapped around your finger as I break it. Maybe your dick will get hard, or you’ll gush; maybe not.
One of the wonders of the internet age is that no matter what your interest, your difficulty, your hobby or your fetish, typing a single message in just the right spot can hook you up with dozens of folks from ’round the globe who are interested in the exact same thing.
It’s a miracle, really. It’s almost like magic.
So. Anyone share this interest? If so, comment below or send me an email. I’ll hook you up.
***Don’t even think about being derisive about W’s kink. I know that every one of you has in the deepest chasms of your black little hearts some similarly perverse wishes. Maybe you’ll even share them below. ***
Fisting and finger breaking? Wow. Not my personal cup of tea either way, but good luck. Somebody’s got to want that.
My dirty fetishes are all boring like date rape and kidnapping.
To each their own.
Whatever makes you happy, right? Good luck aligning the stars. :)
I can dig it. I don’t know if I’d do it but it did give me a tingle in my pants area.
Reminds me of this story in the book Rough Stuff (first volume) about marine’s getting their feet beat and broken. Gives me the same kind of thrill really.
Ouch…he had me going until the breaking the finger part. I like the idea of pain, but in the end, I’m kind of wimpy. I do hope somebody out there is looking for a man to break their finger though because it would make for a really hot story.
you know what? I never thought I would be one to rain on anybodies parade, but if your fetish is to break somebodies finger you need to chill. If your fetish is to have your finger broken you need to chill. I do not say this because of any deep-seated morality that lies beneath my blessed breast but because its fucking stupid for people to break each others fingers.
That is fucked. UP. breaking a finger? Dude, i’m all for hair pulling and scratching and biting and whatnot, and I’m pretty open sexually, but that is just BEYOND ME.
Ahem.
This would be done with consent. Might not be your thing (it’s not mine either) but let’s not make judgments about someone’s mental state based on a fantasy, m’kay?
:)
fantasies are great :). I am my own perverted sick bastard. So long as its clear that nobody’s finger is getting broken. don’t mean to be a bummer but it sounded kind of weird.
Well, this is not a personal preference of mine. But out of curiosity, I just googled “breaking finger sex” and it came up with nothing relevant. So, given this, I think it’s possible the pool of interest might end up being pretty small (though nothing’s impossible).
I wonder if, in order to expand his possible interest base, your your friend would accept a role-play of such a scenario vs actual breakage? I would guess more people would be open to that, and really, sometimes role-playing can even be sexier than the real thing (because, for inst, no annoying hospital visit after to set the finger).
I can see how it would be hot, but I personally can’t handle any pain that sticks around as long as that one would. Bruises and welts and some red marks are dandy, but waiting for a bone to heal is just beyond me.
Although I find it admirable that someone is willing to be that honest about what turns them on. Just think, if the adrenaline rush that comes with a little pain is a turn-on, imagine what THAT would do.
But the sound of the breaking would skeeve me out. Good luck to ya, W!
Hurm…isn’t this sadism? Maybe that keyword would help…
But yeah, the thing that I think people are confused about is whether this is something W. wants to do IRL or just as role-play. ‘Cuz if it’s just role play you can do lots of things: write about it, draw it, read Rough Stuff, watch Watchmen when it comes out (there’s lots of finger breaking in the book!), whisper it into your lover’s ear as you play with their fingers…
Now, if he wants to do it IRL, I would be with several other people and say PLEASE, THINK ABOUT IT FIRST! You can spank someone and it will heal, but W.’s fetish involves changing someone’s body and their ability to do things every day. It’s important that W. as well as the “breakee” understands that. I got awfully turned on watching Secretary but then found out actually getting spanked wasn’t that much fun–darn it, IRL it hurts!
I’m rather verbal about this because my fantasies revolve around changing someone’s body too. I imagine finding a skinny boy and forcing him to overeat until he gained a little weight…and some people I know seek out someone that they can “grow” to enormous sizes. This makes me bloody nervous, but I can’t get off any other way. So I found someone who’d already been doing it on their own, stuffing themselves for at least a year… and then I could absolve myself that they knew full well what they were getting into.
Ok. So W is our mutual friend, and I wrote about this here: http://essinem.blogspot.com/2008/06/quick-poll.html
I’ve thought long and hard on this. When I first found out, I was a bit creeped out. However, since then, I’ve thought on it more. I’ve broken a finger (and many toes) — they’ve all healed fine. Now, people in kink do some extreme things; single tails can kill people fire play can burn people, cuttings are designed to last forever. How is consensual finger breaking *that* much different than any of these things?
It’s not my kink, but I like a hand around my neck, and sex in public, so who am I to talk?
Yes, this is sadism. Yes, I want to do it IRL, not just as a role play scenario. Yes, I do already do similar things to fantasize about the infliction of this kind of pain. Yes, it’s extreme. Yes, my eventual willing sub would have to demonstrate a good grasp on their own choice.
Fine. I’ll take a leap here.
I have sexual fantasies that includes slapping my woman’s face, grabbing her throat (not so-gently) and pulling her hair in a not-so-nice way. I’ve fantasized about holding my partner down and forcing myself into her, exploiting her for my own needs while calculatedly denying hers.
I’ve also fantasized about being exploited by my woman in the same manner (minus the female penetration of the male)
But I’ve never acted upon these fantasies out of fear of causing my partner pain or irreversible damage.
Finger-breaking is definitely not my thing, but I respect W’s fetish. perhaps you can find a happy median, like having him squeeze your hand really, really hard until you give him a safety word to stop?
Oh, and my other kink is the obvious one… multiple chicks at the same time.
God, I’m so transparent.
I vote with the majority on this one. Brave for W to speak up about his desires, good for him to work towards what he wants. But ouch, not my kink.
I get to see all sorts of odd things escorting, things people like that are beyond me. Different strokes for different folks.
Good luck, W, I am sure there are people out there with corresponding desires!
To each his own, really. I am sure there is a willing sub out there who would love to indulge W, and I wish him luck in finding her.
Hey Bizza, I would love to be on the receiving end of your little game of exploitation. That is one of my favorite things in the world… so don’t be scared about trying it one day! There are lots of women out there that would absolutely love it.
I have a rape fantasy that I have never gotten the opportunity to act on, and I look forward to the day that I have a partner that I trust enough to share that with.
Wow. I have date rape fantasies…but this one just seems so….mean. I actually hope he doesn’t find someone willing to disfigure themselves for his pleasure. I’m concerned that after he gets this fantasy met, it will unleash a need to go to an even greater extreme…like breaking an arm.
Sometimes fantasies like these are meant to be kept in the realm of….well….fantasy.
Oh, and lastly, I hope that W is willing to have his pinkie broken in return…or perhaps first…so he knows EXACTLY what he is asking of his sub.
Sorry to break the rules here, AAG, but then, this is a site about rule breaking, n’est pas?
Everyone definitely has their own fetishes, and although that definitely wouldn’t be one of mine, I can understand the feeling of wanting to have your fetish acted out.
My odd fantasies? I’ve got this rape one – but it’s tricky. Maybe it’s just about being dominated, I dunno, but I fantasize about being kidnapped and blindfolded and taken away to some dark place, where I’m used over and over again.
EVERYONE has their fantasies and fetishes. What’s yours AAG?
Oh, you guys know mine. Er. Most of mine? :) –aag
The beauty of the internet and open-minded communication is that W could very well find a willing participant. If he does then they both will be able to realize a fantasy. Perfect!
While his fantasy may not be mine, who’s to sit and judge? We all do have dark corners in our minds and hearts but being able to find someone that shares those dark places is a wonderful thing.
This is a new one on me. But I think you’re right — there is a seat for every ass. And you can find it on the Internet!
How fascinating! Not only the fetish itself- also the responses to it.
If I could tolerate pain without getting completely pissed, I would totally be willing to try this. It’s horrifying, taboo, and intensely interesting. I love learning about/ watching/ experiencing other people’s fetishes.
Perhaps I have a fetish fetish.
Oh yes, I’m quite sure there are people out there. And as far as the kink community goes, he/she would find far more partners willing to play to said fantasy if she/he were satisfied with pain or twisted fingers rather than broken ones. Plenty of subs and true masochists out there will deal with pain, not many want to, or are able to, deal with permanent damage. Hospitals and x-rays and surgery are expensive.
(Knowing that broken fingers often don’t heal back to quite their original state, most require immobilization of the joint, some require surgery. A lack of treatment for a bad break can cause long-term damage including pain, stiffness, loss of mobility, rarely infection or very rarely death. In the moment, if a broken bone tears a blood vessel emergency care would be needed).
There is sort-of a self policing rule of ’safe, sane and consensual’ in most kink scenes, and play that causes (or is likely to cause) permanent damage seems to be policed out by the community. However, there are lots of people out there (I’ve met a few personally) who would enjoy the kind of pain play your friend discusses up to a point. So don’t give up, and if he/she does want to engage in this kind of play, do learn all of the medical aspects!
Hmmm, trying to come up with a comment that does not get me scolded by aag…
If this stays a fantasy, then it is merely disturbing. If this is acted upon, both parties need to sit down and seriously reexamine their lives. For most people, the point of sex is, well, sex. But this makes me think for some people sex is just secondary to deeper issues with rules and boundaries.
Sorry, ….
AAG,
I agree with Thor and RW. Strongly.
I’ve read your blog for almost 2 years, liked most of it, been baffled by some of it, and this was the final ‘no’ not interested anymore post.
Sadism like that – irrespective of somone submitting – creeps me out beyond words. Makes me want to call the cops.
Thank you for the times you were kind to me early on – and for warning me about you know who last year.
I wish you the best.
This just skeeved me out so badly that your tacit approval or exposure of it even as a fantasy skeeved me out beyond my comfort zone.
Too dark side. Waaaaay too dark side.
Wow…I started to begin to get somewhat worked up on the fisting right until that “snap”, and reality immediately set back in. OUCH!!!
Lettuce and I may be into a lot of things vanilla folks would faint at the thought of, but this particular fantasy make me queasy.
Like many have said and to which I agree – to each their own. What two (or more..hehe) consenting adults do on their own is their own business, with very few legal exceptions (think along the lines of murder, not stupid anti-vibrator laws – hello Texas, Alabama, Georgia, …).
I’m not sure this necessarily baffles me as there are definitely different kinks for different folks, but this particular kink is just too much for me.
That was hot…Even the ’snap’. It has me rechecking a few of the things I thought I knew about myself.
I am certainly no stranger to pain, intentional, accidental and nonconsensual.
But to trust someone to the extent I let them do that…profound in the most extreme way.
Thank you for sharing W.
Thank you.
Not going to insult him or judge him, or even comment on his fetishes, all I’ll say is that it sounds painful.
This has gotten me thinking more about pain . . . and where better to share than here?
Due to a history of stalking and abuse, I tend to avoid pain, and am prone to panic if I think someone could hurt me.
And yet, that doesn’t change my craving for pain one bit. Nor the desire for someone to inflict it upon me. I wish I could explore this with my girlfriend, but I don’t. It’s not a trust thing, I just can’t take her seriously to top me in even the most mundane ways. I suppose I just want someone that I’m scared enough of to take seriously, but trust enough to hurt me in the right way?
It’s all very confusing. Maybe I should get a second tattoo instead. :)
This is exactly the reason I wrote about W’s fetish. It gave me (and apparently has given many of you) such an intense visceral reaction that I wanted to know why.
Why does this seem NOT ok when the exploration of so many other fetishes are? I don’t have the answer to that, but it’s made me think.
:)
I adore finding new fetishes.
I’m sadist enough to kind of dig that, actually, at least in concept. It’s the experience of causing pain, and then seeing/feeling the reaction that’s so stimulating.
I’d *really* like to meet the sub who’d be into actually having it done; that’d be my kind of ‘twisted little screw’.
Very brave of W to relate his fantasy to you.
If he never finds a willing partner to try it good for him as this is a fantasy that he gets to enjoy for a long time.
If he does find a willing partner good for both of them as it will be consensual. You have to remember that it might turn someone on to be in pain and have all of those endorphins released.
I loved the feeling that came over me when I got certain body parts pierced.
I also love the roller coaster of feelings that I have when I get tattoos.
Without experiencing all ends of the emotional spectrum how can one truly know how good a good feeling can be and how bad a bad feeling can be.
Is it weird that at first I didn’t think ew or ow, but “Is it JUST the fingers, or could other appendages turn him on?”
No boundaries on what is consensual? Googling Armin Meiwes reminds me I don’t quite concur with that notion.
Still adore your writing and insight, AAG. Hope your blog doesn’t jump the shark if this kind of post results in lots of traffic.
This made me think too…I think the title says it really. The joy for most people is in pushing the boundaries of the body, not..err breaking them.
And skin is better at healing than bones. (To state the obvious.) But I think that’s what makes people snap at this idea, the permanency of the damage done.
And the pain! The pain!
I don’t think it’s a “wrong” fantasy, in fact I think there is a dark appeal is in how wrong it feels. But I can see why to many people, it’s just a NO.
There is a kink community, and they do many things that are not desired, understood, approved of, or accepted by the mainstream. Even so, their parole is not “anything goes.” Their parole is “safe, sane, and consensual.”
Breaking someone’s finger fails on at least two of those three.
It’s definitely a different fetish–but I can definitely see what about it is attractive to him. I normally identify as a sub, but hearing about it from his angle definitely twigged something dominant in me. I’m sure there’s got to be people out there who would be willing to be on the receiving end for that, but just a quick glance even at these comments demonstrates that there’s a lot of knee-jerk reactions to something as strong as this.
I have a question, though–does the fetish extend to the aftermath? Does he also fetishize looking after the person afterward, helping them with things they can no longer do themselves due to the splint on their finger, etc? Or does the fantasy only go as far as the breaking?
(Either way, thank him for sharing!)
Oh yeah, I’d also like to note that SSC isn’t the only mantra in the BDSM community–RACK (risk aware consensual kink) is used fairly frequently as well.
Personally, my partner and I don’t use SSC because some of the things we do can never be 100% safe, and while everything we do is definitely consensual, there’s a lot of people out there (especially outside the community) who wouldn’t see it as sane at all.
We much prefer RACK–to us, it indicates that you and your partner(s) have researched any and all risks of the activity you’re going to indulge in, and you’re entering into that activity prepared to deal with those risks. As with SSC, everything is still consensual–it’s just that along with all parties consenting to participate in the activity, all partners are also acknowledged that they’re aware of the risks of said activity.
*gets off her soapbox*
Maria- I’m inclined to use RACK as a descriptor too (Risk Aware Consensual Kink, for those of you not in the know).
Honestly, the fantasy does not extend beyond the actual breaking. However, aftercare (over an extended period of time, if necessary) would be something I’d negotiate.
Thanks for your thoughtful response. :)
myself, i’m no sadist, so the the thrill of this impulse is truly and completely lost on me.
i think “right” or “wrong” is not a useful way to approach something like this. i think it’s more useful to think in terms of practical, viable, consensual. my concern first and foremost would be if there is never someone in his reality that he can play with like this, would W be really okay with that, be able to channel that impulse into other, more likely fantasies?
tongue-tied-
I have many other fantasies, not just this one. ;)
I’m also well aware that fulfilling this particular one might never happen, but it’s stuck around long enough that I decided to accept it and be open with it, on the off-chance I ever meet someone who’s into it.
OK, I think back to my testosterone fueled adolescence… I loved fighting (with fists), I dreamed of fighting, I fantasized about fighting. And of course breaking someones nose is the most spectacularly obvious target in a fight. not that much different from a finger. It was kind of consensual… and kinda homo erotic (although had you suggested that at the time, then We’d be fighting…) The thing is, the group I was running around with were all into fighting and realy, hurting other people… so much so that we’d joke/brag/reminisce about our “victories”, sometimes for weeks afterwards…
So I don’t find it odd… maybe odd that more don’t fantasize about inflicting pain like that…
W – thanks for elaborating! When I thought about finger-breaking from the role of dominant, my version of the fantasy included extensive aftercare afterwards, doing all the things for them that the person normally couldn’t do . . .
. . . and then I realized that the fantasy had abruptly switched from me topping by breaking the finger to me bottoming by serving the person with the broken finger. I guess my inner submissive is coming out again!
Ted;
Your response makes a lot of sense to me. I think a lot of people enjoy giving pain in that way when it’s taken out of a sexual context, even though there is a near-sexual thrill to be had.
So what’s the big difference when the two are combined?
This is generating so much good discussion! Thanks, W, for letting AAG post it and weighing in with your own opinions.
Unless W is the same person who started this thread on bondage.com a few years ago, then there is at least one other person out there who is interested in such a thing. I don’t remember details of the thread, only that there was a discussion of going so far as to break a finger, and I think it may have been the little finger actually.
Not my kink, but not a new one for me either. I’m glad it’s been treated in the light that it has been here.
I have said it many times and say it again: to each his own.
I suspect if finger-breaking was on the horizon, and I knew it, and if I was in the zone… I’d do it. How I’d get there is another matter altogether.
Getting there is the point, for me. You couldn’t just come round and break my finger without a good foot in the balls!
I think what makes me nervous about this kind of fantasy (aside from the obvious bodily harm) is the possibility of an unexpected outcome. What if the breakee is in much more pain or has complications from the break? What if W feels guilty about it afterward, or even gets skeeved out by his own fantasy played out IRL? Or what if he likes it so much he is on an exponentially greater finger breaking mission for the rest of his sexually active life?
Or maybe it is just a finger and it will heal….
Kudos for the open communication and creativity.
Good for W for sharing his fantasy, and for willing to be open about something that isn’t mainstream.
I must say though, as someone who has broken a pinky finger… you want to be really really careful about this. Despite immobilization and following the doctor’s instructions it never did heal properly, and it cut short an 8 year violin playing career. It’s been 4 years now and I have a crooked finger that still causes me occasional pain.
I guess it’s like all fantasys right? They can all be dangerous to a degree and you want to do as much research as possible first. This isn’t something that you can get so caught up in the moment that you accidentally break the finger the wrong way.
I’m like several other commenters here… the fisting — hot. The twisting of the finger — hot. But I’d need to trust the other enough to know that he’d stop before actual breakage. It’s not the level of pain, it’s the permanence.
Do I think it’s beyond the pale to have such a fantasy? Not at all. I think my fantasies are quite normal, but they often include pain. So why would having a personal psychology that takes the fantasy one step further be odd?
I think the visceral reaction has to do with the permanence of the consequences, particularly relative to the (im)permanence of the moment whose purpose they serve. I know some people fantasize about branding others or being branded; my reaction to that is similar. In contrast, while I have no interest in skin-breaking activities or blood, I know others do, and I have no trouble with the idea. And despite the fact that such kinks may leave permanent scars, this is only skin-deep damage. Broken bones seem like a violation of bodily integrity to an extent that cut flesh does not even remotely reach (unless we’re talking severed nerves or punctured organs).
Sorry, no. My fantasies will not be shared – and they will most certainly not be realised. Once upon a time, I might actually have considered doing so… which in retrospect shames and dismays me deeply. Let’s just say that some kinds of damage cannot be undone and leave it at that. My fantasies get me off, but their fulfilment is only viable only in a world where consequences can be arbitrarily selective and limited: a fantasy world.