aag

From this post, I must say that YOU, my dear, are your little ones’ “mother”.

/me points to the “Thin Line” post the other day.

See?

These things are NOT rational.

However, the more sensible thoughts shared with the world the better imo!

I went on a date with a guy (it wasn’t a great date either), and he told me all about when he was circumcised at 17. He had to have it done because of a medical condition, but he said it was the most painful two weeks of his life because apparently erections + stitches= painful.

One is not expected to reply.

We just love the children.

Never cut, never had a problem at age 35. “Scientific fact”, my sexy, tight ass!

Clearly she’s a little behind on the definition of “scientific fact”. These days that phrase usually comes with a citation, especially when making such sweeping claims. At 25 I’ve never had a single issue as a result of my un-cut-ness, and my sex life is massively better for it.

Also: That woman needs a tubal - YESTERDAY. She’s got “unfit mother” in neon letters all over her. If I had the money, I’d pay for and make the appointment for her, just to make sure it happened.

It’s always interesting to me how people choose what’s important and what’s not important — to them. Why, for example, the boy’s mother can speak so casually about drinking, drugs and smoking while pregnant, yet puts an inordinate amount of importance upon circumcision… without actual factual knowledge.

I think we all do this to some extent, although maybe not quite so large.

The things we can’t or don’t want to change we undersell, while the things we think we can do something about we oversell.

And all the while we want somebody else to agree with us.

We are a very interesting race, us humans!

Circumcision is one of those hot topics. I was watching a documentary a while back with a couple arguing about whether to cut or not to cut. The husband didn’t want to, the wife did, and the resolution wasn’t shown at the conclusion of the documentary. It’s a horrible procedure to witness, and the infection aspect has been proven wrong countless times but people still do it, and sometimes it’s about vanity (which makes it all the more crazy and freaky), with a small portion of parents having it done so a boy fits in with other boys at school (the ‘what will others think’ attitude).
It’s difficult to communicate with people who have weird priorities, you did well diverting the subject the way you did.

….the fuck? Smoking, drinking, and tobacco, but its a bit of foreskin thats going to be the problem.

I swear, kids today.

My 21 year old sister’s sorta of best friend got knocked up. She got drunk and didn’t remember most of the sex she’d had…and then she didn’t tell anyone. For five months, she kept drinking, smoking, smoking pot, and engaging in risky behavior. By the time she told my sister, it turned out she *wasn’t* five months preggers, she was seven. And still refused to go to the doctor, even though my sister took off work and set her up for TWO appointments.

I blame this on the ridiculously stupid, government funded sex programs we had in our schools.

As for circumcision, I’m vehemently against it. It was one of the big issues in my last LTR - he was Jewish and all for it, and I’m SO not into mutilating my children. *I’m* still pissed my mom had my ears pierced when I was a baby. (Piercing and infant w/o consent is fine, but me wanting a couple of nipple rings? Nooooo….)

Hm. That’s something to ponder, isn’t it?

I would think (relating it to mothers I’ve known, including relatives) it’s all misguided selflessness. The smoking/drinking during pregnancy is purely selfish. The concern over infections of the boy’s foreskin are selfless. Should have been the other way around: ‘Whatever’ about the foreskin and then rabid selflessness about smoking/drinking.
In my opinion, of course.

I sometimes get somewhat annoyed that I was cut without my consent (what sort of consent could I have given at eight days?). Not that I’d particularly like a foreskin, you understand, but it should have been my choice, not carried out because of what some people living in the desert thousands of years ago wrote in a book.

When my eldest was born (after an emergency cesarian), my father asked if I wanted him to arrange the bris. I just said I thought he’d had enough of knives already, and, thankfully, he agreed. As you say, when he’s older, he can do what he wants. It’s his body, not ours.

Scientific fact, bollocks. I’m english, we dont mutilate our kids. I’m 37 and have never ever had one single infection.

I’ll put it bluntly: she sounds like an idiot in every particular.

1. You’re his mother, not her.

2. Ignorance and irony? I don’t know, either way, she’s an idiot. Aside from circumcision being mutilation (and it’s forced, making it the definition of torture), it is completely necessary. There is no scientific proof to show that circumcision has any medical advantages over staying uncut.

Just tell her the alcohol and nicotine made him immune.

I don’t encourage the bashing of people I write about in this blog.

My own mother ,who has been a nurse for 35 years ,smoked and drank when she was pregnant for me (I weighed about 5 lbs at birth,overdue) but constantly criticizes my choice to not circumcise. It’s always seemed a bit odd to me but it is what it is,I guess.

Amazing what a little rationalizing can do. But it’s a uniquely human trait. We all do it in different ways and different situations.

{{hugs}} aag ~ I admire you, so much, for how you’ve been able to sustain a relationship with her.

I don’t know what to say about the alcohol, smoking and drugs, but it is just mind boggling that she was worried about her son being circumsized.

My son was born with mild hypospadia and you could say he’s partially circumsized as his foreskin doesn’t grow all around his penis.

I gave no thought to him being circumsized, after all, all the men I’ve known, all the boy babies I’d cared for (five nephews), had been. But they wouldn’t circumsize my son. They told me he’d have to see a urologist to be circumsized.

The urologist told me that the pee hole was off by threeforths of an inch (it’s just slightly off center and a little bigger than normal too). The reason was because his urethra just isn’t long enough. He has a normal pee stream. It wasn’t a big deal, however the worry was how he’d feel once he got older having a “different penis”.

In order to even circumsize him they wanted to do reconstructive surgery! The point was to lengthen the urethra so the pee hole would be perfectly centered. I made the appointment for surgery then I went home.

I did what every mother should do before they subject their children to any type of surgical procedure, I researched. I researched and researched and researched.

It would be understandable if my son’s hypospadia was so severe that he wouldn’t be able to stand to pee, if the pee hole were at the base, or middle of the penis. BUT, I’d been peed on enough to know peeing wasn’t going to be a problem.

I went to forums filled with men with hypospadia. I Read and asked questions of these men. They all echoed the same thing. Do not cut! It’s HIS decision!

What sold me is the fact that the surgery could cause my son to lose the ability to have sexual pleasure!! NO! I’m not going to want to know squat about my son’s sex life, but by God I want it to be damn satisfying. Who am I to make such a decision for the sake of uniformity, to make his penis like every other penis out there? It’s stupid. I canceled the surgery.

Circumsizion I learned often does reduce sensitivity in men. That’s obscene!! If my son wants to mutilate his privates, that’s his choice. If he ever wants to have his penis made to look “normal” I’ll be behind him 100 percent.

At four he is fine. He takes care of cleaning his “privacy” in the bath. He knows it’s important to make sure it’s kept clean. He pees normally and probably faster than a man with a normal pee hole.

My worry however, is that he’s going to expose his penis to someone for the first time and that they’ll laugh at him for having a different penis. I’m not sure how to prepare him for that. What do you think?

justme:

it is often said that a foreskin is a stupid woman/man detector…if his chosen lover does not like what he has to offer, then maybe that person should not be his chosen lover…

teach him to be proud of his body and what he has…teach him why you did what you did, and the risks and benefits of the choice that you made for him…teach him that you respected him enough to let him make such a serious choice about his body…and he will respect you more for it…

AAG:

its hard to deal with people sometimes…they dont listen to advice, or understand what is horrible about their decisions…

i am so glad that you are there for these babies…making their life better, safer…

peace…

I have to say, I am so glad you’ve kept a relationship with your children’s bio mom, a child can never have too many people who love them and are interested in them in their lives…

Just read Justme’s comment. After 35 years in public school education, my reaction was just the opposite. I could care less about circumcision - it mattered not to us. But, alcohol, “maryjane” and tobacco during pregnancy…good grief! You are a brave, giving, caring, compassionate mother and I wish you the very, very best with him as he goes to school. From what I’ve read on here, he’s doing pretty well. Hope it continues, primarily for his sake and yours secondarily. I’ve seen the affects of the first 2, seperately, in children, and can’t imagine what combining them could do to a child! My best to you!

i’ve been researching marijuana and for what it’s worth the side effects of mj are all related to the smoking and not the actual thc content.

so it’s at least two worries rather than three.

it’s funny to me what hubris we have when we judge others instead of learning from them…

Hey agg:

I hope you dont take these thoughts in a negative light because they are not intended to be interpreted that way. I understand and fully support your desire to maintain a level of respect for your children’s biological mother. I do however think it’s “difficult” for lack of a better word, to look past her having used drugs and drinking while pregnant, and here is why. First, the admittion that she quit drinking and smoking for her first pregnacy shows that it was not a lack of ability to temporarily stop but instead a lack of desire - which makes your statement about her having done the best she can seem not correct. Second, having these children in your life brightens up your world. As your readers, we can see this in every piece that you right, and so it’s difficult to make excuses for someone who had the abilty but lacked the love and compassion for this child to quit smoking and drinking - atleast while pregnant. Please correct me if I am wrong because I dont know the details of your situation or hers for that matter. I just think that taking your relationship aside, if this was another woman who had conducted her the same way you might be more judgemental about her behavior. I am a single mom of two little girls and by now I have learned the meaning of making mistakes. I just think that some things are just wrong. In this case, luckily everthing turned out ok as far as the health of the child, but what about the cases when it doesnt? Should we make excuses for them to? Everyone makes mistakes, and moms are no exception, but her having placed your child in the position where as an infant he could have been subject to deformities or Infanct Alchohol Syndrome seems unfair, unreasonable, unloving, and most definitely not worthy of understanding. I respect all people, so please dont think this is a form of attack on you and especially on her. I just dont believe all mistakes should be or need to be forgiven.

Ana

p.s. sorry for all the typos. :O)

Ana

Justme:

As a man of 41 born with a moderate-to-sever hypospadias and having undergone reconstructive surgery at age 4 (which I unfortunately remember all too well) I can say that I have never had any unwelcome comments about my penis. In the lockerroom, it is very much frowned upon for guys to glance at one another, let alone pay any significant attention. The ladies in my life were never so well educated about the “proper” look of a penis to be able to notice that things were not as they should be. Things work quite well. I have 3 boys and a happy wife of 20 yrs to attest to that.

I wouldn’t be too concerned about the cosmetics of your son’s condition, but take stock in the fact that you made the right decision to not have needless surgery if it was so minor as to not require reconstruction.

Tim

I’m circumsized. Have been for as long as I’ve been aware of my bod. It was only in my teens that I realised that some other boys had a weird end to their penis. I much preferred mine. Still do.

I think it’s wrong to compare male circumsizion to female circumsizion because they are (apart from body modification) very different things. There’s no loss of sensation to the boy, and I can only imagine that it’d be a bugger to keep clean with a hood over it.

I’ve never heard about infections or had one myself, but one bit that’s in my head is that studies show that cancer of the penis only occurs in uncircumsized males. I don’t know how true that is.

If I ever had a boy of my own, I’d want to get him circumsized, but I wouldn’t feel the need to push for it if his mother didn’t want it too.

While the drug and alcohol mention did make my heart stop- I have to give credit to a woman who at least knew enough to give her children to someone who would love and care and protect them in a way she knew she couldn’t.

And while it is pretty hypocritical- it is understandable and in a way sweet that the love she does have for them leads her to worry.

The point has been made that she didn’t make good or well-informed decisions during her pregnancy- it makes sense that she wouldn’t have RATIONAL worry now that they’ve departed her womb.

My son isn’t circumsized, it’s not something that is common in NZ these days and very difficult to find a doctor willing to do it. It’s not up to me to make a decision to go slicing parts of his anatomy off. That’s how I saw it and I sure as hell couldn’t stand there and order it done to him.

I also watched a friend drink and smoked pot throughout her pregnancy … funny enough her son is now ADHD and has major health problems.

We are all individuals, we make choices and we are ultimately responsible for them. We also have to live with them. I for one do not regret my decisions for a moment. x

I think it is quite funny that people will panic over the possibility of a future infection, and use it as an excuse to follow a cultural tradition that really does not have any medical evidence to support it. Women can get all kinds of infections, and do all the time. Nobody makes such a big deal about that. We just go to the drug store or doctor as necessary and take care of it.

I wish my man was intact because I love his penis, and if there were more bits to love and play with, I would all the more.

Also, I am eight weeks pregnant, and a former cigarette smoker. It is HARD to quit, but important. I suppose if I were not as dedicated to my baby as I am, or if I were not planning to be it’s mother after the birth, I might not be as concerned about my decisions. And knowing many people who have smoked during pregnancy, it is easy to justify and say “Well, their baby turned out ok.” but the drinking I cannot understand.

Love and peace, AAG