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My favorite online dating site maintains local groups with message boards.  I’m lucky to live in an area with exceptionally active groups who engage in all manner of lively discussions on the boards.

Not long ago someone wrote a post about dirty talk during sex.  They wondered if people liked it and if so, what they talked about.  I expected overwhelming enthusiasm in the responses, figuring that in a group so open about sexy stuff there would be lots of love for the dirty talk.

Alas, there was not as much love as I expected.  Several people responded that when in the midst of a romp, they needed to concentrate in order to come.  Others wanted not to have their fantasies interrupted by their partner’s thoughts.

I find this incomprehensible as I live for naughty utterances during sex.  The talk that comes out of my mouth might horrify all but the most experienced adult performer (not to mention my mother), but my lovers certainly seem to enjoy it.

And I want not to forget that I’m with another person when we’re in the midst of sex.  I love having the aural connection to remind me that we’re in the moment together.  I can go to my private happy place when I’m masturbating, thank you very much.

I brought the post up to my friend as we rested between rounds not long ago.  “You do enjoy the dirty talk, don’t you?” I asked, always on the lookout for overstepping the bounds of polite sexual behavior.

He nuzzled into my messy hair.  “You know I love it, honey.  But sometimes I think I’m too repetitive.  We’ve been together so long that I have a hard time coming up with new things to say.”

“I don’t mind.  I like the things you say,” I murmured.

“But think if we’re together for the next twenty or thirty years!  You’ll be completely bored by the same old dirty talk then,” he fretted.

I had to laugh.  “Honey, if we’re together at the end of thirty years, the only dirty talk we’ll have during sex is when one of us says, ‘Oh!  My truss!’”

He tickled me.  “Or, ‘I think my hip is breaking!’”

“Or, ‘Have you seen my teeth?’” I chimed in.

Wonder if it’ll happen?  Can you picture a couple of septuagenarians mixing it up in the retirement community while a bevy of interested residents gather outside the door?  We’ll show ‘em dirty talk!

I hope we get that chance.