Some posts are meant to entertain. Some, to titillate. Others help me remember things I might otherwise forget. Still others may provide education.
And sometimes posts happen because I haven’t even the first hint of a whiff of a clue about how to handle a situation and I hope that writing will help clarify for me an appropriate path.
This is one of those posts.
Not long ago my parents became angry with me, not only because they discovered my unusual means of employment but also because I refused (once again) to allow them time alone with the children. It’s my opinion that I’ve been perfectly clear in articulating my thoughts about the first issue: I don’t appreciate the intrusion into territory I’d asked them to avoid, but we’ll make some changes and get past it. I think I’ve also been clear about the second issue. It’s simple: No. Not going to happen. Seems pretty straightforward to me.
Many times I’ve had the impression that I’ve been exceedingly clear, only to find my listeners lost. Apparently I’m not quite so articulate as I’d like to believe. Maybe this is one of those times. In any case, my parents have requested that we receive some outside assistance in “healing” our relationship.
Many years ago I requested the same thing. I did everything but beg on bended knee for them to attend some sessions with my counselor. They refused. They invited me to see their counselor. I initially refused, but eventually went to one harrowing session.
It was informative to say the least. Informative but ultimately not very helpful, because while they had been seeing this counselor for many months, they had not been entirely honest in characterizing me or my concerns.
So the matter dropped, or mostly dropped, until the divorce gave them hope that perhaps the restrictions would vanish along with the ex. Leaving the children alone with my parents is one issue on which he and I are in perfect harmony. However, I’m convinced that people almost always believe the thing which will cause them the least amount of pain. It was easier for them to believe that he created that rule.
Now that we’re no longer married and yet the rule still stands, they have reached another crisis. They want our relationship to be fixed. They would like for me to find them a counselor who will help us.
And not just any counselor. A Christian counselor.
I was raised in the Christian tradition but now follow few of their doctrines other than my own somewhat slipshod interpretation of the Golden Rule. I’ve pointed out that because they are the ones who want that particular characteristic they should be the ones to search, but they have refused.
They want me to be comfortable with the person chosen, they say. They want someone neutral, so that he or she hears our “sides” of the story without the impediment of a past relationship.
I am hesitant, extremely hesitant, to embark upon this course of action. First, I’m not really comfortable with trying to find someone Christian enough, but not too Christian, or the wrong kind of Christian.
Second, I’m not sure that a Christian counselor would be able to help. I see that kind of counselor as heavy on the Christian and light on the counseling; I may end up with three pairs of eyes on me waiting for the endowment of that magical substance, forgiveness.
Even if forgiveness is not thrust down my throat (no I’m not bitter), what good could come from this? I most seriously doubt that anything said in a counselor’s office is going to persuade me to lift the ban on unsupervised visits, so what’s the point?
Could a random Christian counselor bring us some sort of peace? I have no idea.
Here we are, at the end of the most annoyingly self-referential post in the history of this site (that one pushed it right over the edge) and I’m no closer to an answer.
Whaddy’all think?
First off, when I hear the words “Christian Counselor,” it reminds me of “Christian Rock.” From my experience that frequently means an emphasis on the “Christian,” with the rest secondary. Many people call themselves Christian Counselors with no training whatsoever in counseling, only in Christianity. Some of your readers have had good experiences with Christian counselors, some not. But I feel that’s not the real issue here.
You’re right to trust your instincts. You’ve been standing up to your parents, and now that they cannot fool themselves into believing that you’re hiding behind your ex, they know it’s you setting the boundaries. I don”t know them, but I would wager they think they’re throwing you a bone by asking you to choose a counselor that you can all see together. And then backpedaling by dictating a “Christian” counselor. They probably believe that a Christian counselor will see the rightness of their point of view over yours.
Trust your instincts: They seem excellent. You should not back down one inch on protecting your children first. If your parents insist that they will only see/listen to a Christian counselor, then they’re not ready to listen to ANY counselor, unless that counselor says they’re RIGHT.
I’m a survivor of abuse, and of rigid Christianity. Kudos to you for your strength, for avoiding the mistakes of your parents, and for your good judgment.
Hugs!!
Looking back, this is pretty similar to other responses, but I wrote it before looking at the others. :) Here goes..
In my not-so-humble opinion, a Christian counsellor does not sound like one that is neutral if your parents are Christian but your own beliefs/lifestyle are not likely to be considered “Christian”.
If it were me and I was actually considering this, I would talk to the counsellor on my own long before meeting with your parents and ask him/her to define “Christian counsellor” for you. What does that mean? Their suggestions for resolving the issues with your parents will be “you should pray on it”? Or quoting you scripture in support of what they think you should do?
Finally, I don’t think that it’s appropriate for your parents, in a nutshell, to ask you to play trust games with your children as the objects (possibly) in harm’s way if your parent(s) fail.
Hi AAG
A lot of rubbish is spouted about ‘christian’ forgiveness. It is not an unconditional thing. It was never meant to be.
My understanding is that a prerequisite for forgiveness is REPENTANCE i.e that your parents would need to face up to what they variously did to you or allowed to happen to you.
Without that vital step, forgiveness would be meaningless. In any case it is not a thing that they can demand of you as if it were their right and your forgiving them in no way implies your having to put your own children in harm’s way.
This is nothing other than emotional blackmail on their part.
See above. *hugs*
I didn’t make it through all of the responses but in general I have to agree that you need to find someone that based on their ability to counsel you and your specific situation not someone who can counsel you based on their beliefs.
One point that I didn’t really see made was just because you are no longer with your ex does not mean that the decisions he has been involved in no longer matter. You both decided that there should be no unsupervised visits. I am sure that fact hasn’t changed because he is no longer living under the same roof. Your parents need to understand that they still have to respect the way that you both want the children to be raised.
My husband and I went through therapy and chose a Christian counselor. I really didn’t feel that our therapist put a strong or heavy emphasis on religion or faith. She was a great therapist and really helped us out.
I think that the issue with your and your parents is pretty deep and therapist can’t hurt but if your parents are unwilling or unable to be completely honest about the issues, then its a waste of time.
I am a Christian but I don’t feel that you have to “have” a Christian therapist. As a psych major and someone who plans to go into that occupational world, the role of a good therapist is not to invoke their own beliefs or some type of doctrine into the sessions. Some Christians prefer Christian therapists, especially in the case of marriage counseling because the goal then would be to keep the marriage together.
I’m starting to babble now, but I hope it helps somehow.
your kids = your decision
end of discussion
fixing the relationship could mean that they get to see the children when you are present, as opposed to not at all…they should be fine with that…if not, then tough shit…
just because one finds god, doesnt mean that they are no longer responsible for the actions they did…and doesnt mean they are no longer held accountable for the actions they did…and it also doesnt mean that relationships that were damaged by those actions immediately (or ever) become anyones idea of perfect…
since they want this so bad, they should be the ones to locate a therapist…you should not have to do all of the work in the hopes of changing something that you have already decided (did that make sense?)…
be strong…it is your responsibility to protect your children…sometimes that means saying no and expecting others to be ok with that…such as life…
peace…
Hi agg, I’m a longtime lurker, first time commenter. I can speak from a unique position, I think, in that my mom had Philip Larkin situation from her step-father. Unlike you, who have strong boundaries with your parents, my parents remained intertwined with my grandparents. I grew very close to them, ignorant of the horror that lay beneath.
My grandparents tried a counseling session or two before my grandfather was claimed “cured.” I was a toddler then, I think. My parents had given my grandparents an ultimatum. My parents even tried moving across the country to escape my mother’s ingrown demons, but the pull was too strong and they moved back.
It was years and years and years of thinking everything was fine. My first year of college, my mom started with a new therapist and reopened the wound from Philip Larkin she had disguised through gorging herself with food and being overweight. In essence, she was stuck in the same child-state that first suffered abuse at the hands of another. She started to lose weight, but she was very emotional. I had no idea what was wrong.
That Christmas, everything came out. The abuse. My mom asked that my step-grandfather not comment on her or her daughters bodies, as that was a line he had no right to cross due to the events of the past.
Our family was severed and broken. The close bonds that I had formed with my grandmother, who to this day believes that my grandfather is an upstanding man, are torn. These are completely different people – people who have abandoned their daughter, who consider her to be dead to them – then the loving grandparents I grew up with.
What I mean to say is – please, continue to be strong with your boundaries. Please. It doesn’t do any good for the children to get attached to the lie the grandparents will perpetuate (“that everything is ok”) or for you to implicitly endorse the lie by letting them cross the boundary.
Yes, it may hurt your relationship with your parents. But your kids are what is important now.
57 posts. Wow. I have absolutely nothing to add that hasn’t already been said. Just call me number 58.
Good luck. I think you’re getting some pretty good advice.
I don’t have children, so maybe I am way off base here, but much like some who ask “What would Jesus do?” I wonder what the answer would be if you asked yourself:
“If my kids knew everything — everything I know, everything my parents know, everything they may someday know, including things they wish they’d never learned (assuming for a moment they would also be capable of comprehending all of this knowledge) — what would they want me to do?”
That answer might be the first step in figuring out what to do.
I would suggest finding a liberal christian church, one that would probably not look askance at a sexually active lifestyle. Universalist Unitarians seem to be quite accepting. Quakers are also awesome and nonjudgmental in general! Then ask their minister if she might recommend a christian counselor with an open mind.
Also, if you find a great counselor, are they going to *ask* the person if he/she is christian? Or just assume…
Whoops, neglected to say, I think it may run in your favor to find the counselor yourself. It will allow you to pre-screen any candidates so you don’t get someone who will merely reinforce your parents’ behavior!
My mom asked me to come with her to see her counselor and it ended with the counselor calling me and apologizing. I asked my mom, “Are you sure you want to go there?” and she said yes, so I went ready to be forthcoming about all the reasons that my daughter would not be allowed overnight visits at grandmas. Of course, my mother had not been honest with the counselor about any of the things that happened in my childhood and by the time I finished, my mother was practically in the fetal position and rocking and sobbing. Hey, she asked for it.
BTW, I moved. 700 miles away. Mom and I get a long a lot better now.
dee
I may be echoing what someone else has posted but so what.
Why do you’re parents think they “need” and/or deserve alone time with your children? What is it they can do alone that they cannot do with you as a whole family? The answer is absolutely nothing.
Also why are you taking this burden alone? You share these children with a man who will back you. Even if you decide to go to counseling and that you’re parents are “healed” ( you’re too smart for that) you would still have to pass this by their father who will never agree to such terms.
You’re not the only one saying no to your parents and they don’t seem to get that.
I work with a woman who was a child social worker for years she told me that if I send my child to the MIL’s house who is married to a convicted child molester, I have knowingly sent her to a child molesters house and God forbid something should happen I could easily be held legally responsible for endangering my child.
I post this not only for your strength but mine as well in the comming weeks before the birth of my daughter because I know these battles will be mine soon.
Stay strong and before you ask the ex to step in and make an ugly situation uglier remind your parents you can not make this decision without his permission as welll so maybe the four of you should go to counseling. With any luck that will be enough of a threat to back them off.
First post and I will make it short.
Just say NO
A further thought: You need to ask yourself WHY they need your ‘forgiveness’ after all this time? Do they really want to set a healing process in motion between you and them, or is it simply a means to an end to gain access to your children?
I recommend a good fisting… loves you girl!
I would say no. This isn’t a genuine attempt to reach out and explore past issues with you. It’s a bid to find someone to take their side and pressure you into letting them have unsupervised time with your children.
I would say no. I would also tell them that protecting your children and respecting their father’s wishes are altogether separate issues from your relationship with them as their daughter, and that they need to understand that even if you came to forgive them completely for what happened to you, there would still be no possibility at all of them having unsupervised access to the children.
PS it is not that I think they are setting out to harm their children, it is more that if I were you I would also feel unable to take the risk.
pps “their children” = “your children”. Going away now…
Here’s one way to think about it.
You say, “They want our relationship to be fixed.”
If that is possible, then it means some change in you, or them, or the relationship. A counselor is a facilitator, and inessential to that change. Assuming basic competence, one counselor is as good as another.
But your parents seem very concerned with the choice of counselor. First it had to be theirs and not yours. Now it has to be a “Christian” counselor. Perhaps what they are seeking is not change or healing, but authority for their position. They hope to find that authority in the Christian doctrines of redemption and forgiveness, as misapplied to your situation.
AAG
I tried to email you to ask about the password so that I could read older archives. Yahoo Mail wouldn’t send the message because your address didn’t end in .com. Could you email me the password at {redacted by admin}.
Thanks for sharing your life with us! I can’t wait to dig into your archives!!
Melissa
–The email is aagblog@gmail.com :) –aag
If you go to counseling with them, it should be because you want to do so. They refused when you requested years ago; if you don’t feel like getting into it at this time, you have the right to do the same.
They seem to not realize the point of healthy counseling is more to help them grasp the severity of what they did to you than to get you to blithely drop your healthy boundaries. That disgusts me.
I’m going to have to agree with Hailey and Katy Newton on part of this. Even if you go to counseling and things are worked out, if the children’s father still objects, it is a no go. I’m disappointed that it took 60 posts for that to be brought up.
Find a specialized counselor who happens to be a Christian. Try to work through it for both your own healing as well as your Mother/Father. I have no personal frame of reference with your abuse, but perhaps it would help. Even if the relationship were repaired, I don’t think it is worth any kind of risk to put any more kids in a path of risk.
This sounds to me like it’s yet another attempt to control you. They don’t sound interested in anything other than their own wishes – to get time alone with your kids.
Boundaries with parents are hard, but in this case I see no reason for you to change them. And dumping the “find a counselor” on you is utterly bogus. They want to “heal your relationship” they need to make some real concessions and come to you. That means going to a counselor of your choice. They need to show a little bend, not you.
If you are open to counseling with them, and only if you are then my suggestion would be to offer they can come to your counselor or a counselor she recommends. If they are serious about reconciliation then they should be willing to do whatever makes *YOU* comfortable. That they’re not speaks to their motives.
You can refuse. It will probably infuriate them and cause them to increase their attempts to push your boundaries. It sucks when that happens and you should be prepared for that.
Have they ever explained why it is so important that they be alone with the kids? It strikes me as strange.
I am a devout Christian and have been for over 30 years. However I would not suggest you go to a Christian counselor unless you know them personally very well. Some Christians can tend to be judgmental, self-righteous and condescending, if you don’t fit into their “mold”. I am personally embarrassed by this kind of Christian, who has no love or tolerance for those who do not think like they do, or who “march to the beat of a different drum”. I suggest you go the secular counselor or therapist route, of your choice. The only reason your parents want a Christian counselor is so that they can have another person on their side.
AAG,
I only have a tidbit to add: Guilt is the main currency of fundamentalists trying to get something that they want. Since a reasoned, rational, logical argument cannot be constructed to support their desire/demand (e.g. a former molester asking for visitation rights. wtf?) they instead turn to using an emotional plea–but couch it in the context of “you’ll be a better person for having done this thing for me”, regardless of what you, yourself, sacrifice to assauge their wishes. Somehow, I think Jesus would be unamused. In fact, when it comes to hypocrites, I remember his having a rather, erm, violent reaction.
I’m not saying you should use their faith as a weapon against them. But, if they’re going to use their faith as a weapon against both you *and* your children; then you are under no obligation to give any credence, or respect, either to the conditions of their demands or to their demands.
Yes, I’m advocating your disallowing your parents from having unsupervised visitation rights. More’s the point, I’m encouraging you to not feel guilty about it. I’ve my own experience in separating myself from my very Christian mother. In fact, that work is still in-progress and it’s hard and it’s painful–for both of us. But I know that ultimately, I’ll be a happier, better-adjusted person for having done so. I still love my mother but that does not change the fact that allowing her more then superficial access to my life is emotionally poisonous.
You have all my sympathy. I wish you the best.
Seeing a counselor will not make what happened in the past go away.
If you do visit a counselor with them, I’d vote for a secular counselor.
I fear a Christian counselor would preach at you. A secular counselor is equally qualified to address the issues at hand.
If they really want to make a case for having their grandkids with them, they’ll agree to a secular counselor. If they insist on a christian counselor, that’s a sign to you that it’s less about having the grandkids, and more about your choices and how they feel about them.
I think there are two issues at play here, and possibly your parents are trying to make them one and the same.
First, there’s the issue of forgiveness. They likely want your forgiveness for what was done (or not done) in the past. For them, that likely means a Christian definition of forgiveness.
Second, they want to have time with their grandchildren. Perhaps they believe that by obtaining your forgiveness they will automatically be entitled to you granting their wishes.
However, forgiveness does not in and of itself change any circumstances. Nada. Zippo. Nothing. In fact, forgiveness is really for your benefit and none of their own. Forgiving someone for something they did helps you to heal and move past those feeling of hurt, pain, etc. You can forgive someone for some wrong done to you without impacting that person at all, and in fact, without that person asking (let alone even caring) that you forgive them for some transgression against you.
Let’s say my neighbor is a mean drunk. One day I knock on his door to ask to borrow his lawn mower. He becomes irate and punches me. If I was a devout Christian that believed in certain doctrines or principles, I may choose to forgive him rather then press charges or carry the weight of anger and such. However, that doesn’t change the fact that I certainly won’t be knocking on his door to borrow anything ever again. Lesson learned.
He may someday clean up his act and profess to have changed. That may or may not be true, but because of this past circumstance, I may choose to simply keep my distance nonetheless.
Forgiving does not equate to forgetting.
No. They can never be alone with your children. As pleasant as it might be for grandparents to have their grandchildren to themselves, this is not an appropriate instance of that. There seems to a good chance it will be very unpleasant.
It will be plenty pleasant enough for your parents to be with them with you there. The only thing you could possibly wreck is exactly what you fear.
You can’t cure them. I question whether anyone can cure them at this point in their lives with something this deep-seated. If they weren’t straight with that earlier therapist there’s even less likelihood of miracles ahead.
They don’t need miracles. They can be with their grandchildren and you. There’s nothing wrong with that unless they’ve got a who knows how hidden agenda.
It sounds like attempts at therapy will just be attempts at manipulating you. You’re not going to fix them. It’s not your job to help fix them. If I were you I would respectfully decline and re-emphasize your willingness for them to see the kids with you there.
Our kids have no problem leaving their kids with us. We babysit. We have them overnight. We take them on “field trips.” But we love being with our kids and our kids love being with their kids. We must spend something like 98 or 99% of our time with both grandchildren and their parents. If it were 100% we wouldn’t object much, if at all.
I’ll be blunt. What keeps haunting me in this, from this distance, is like, “Why the insistance at great cost? What’s up with that? What’s the real problem here? What are your parents up to? What do they really want — consciously or unconsciously?”
If your parents really want to spend time with their grandchildren, they’d better get to it. Life is short and, once adolescence arrives, the grandkids are going to be in short supply. They’ll be busy with their own lives. Even with the best possible outcome I doubt your parents will get through enough therapy to make a difference before the kids are all grown up.
And in the end, obviously, you want to do all you can to keep your children from needing therapy for anything that happened between them and their grandparents. It’s basic parenting.
Multiple-person counselling only works when all parties are willing to be open, honest, receptive and accountable. Even if you were to find a (neutral) counsellor, your parents would have to be willing to listen to some pretty harsh truths–and it doesn’t seem to me like they are. They probably figure this is the one way you’ll give in and let them have your children unsupervised, because, well, who’s going to deny that children need their grandparents?
I believe a good and loving relationship with one’s grandparents is essential to healthy self-esteem. That said, if you, the mother, don’t trust YOUR parents, then you must follow your instincts. If it were anyone but them, I doubt you would even consider budging on this issue.
Counseling will not yield any benefit unless those participating in it are invested in the idea that a benefit can be yielded. Once there is no self-sought participation in the process, a session either stops becoming ‘counseling’ and starts to become ‘conflict mediation’ or the entire process simply breaks down.
A cogent, informed, objective, wellness-minded counselor will know this, regardless of spiritual orientation, and won’t pursue a couseling process without you wanting to have a counseling process.
However, if other parties are asking you to submit to a specific paradigm (and, further, require you to abdicate your own thoughts on the matter to be the one to secure this paradigm for their satisfaction), you may want to ask yourself whose interests those parties are seeking to serve.
I’m no expert said:
Narcissism is a trait shared by an abuser and his/her enabler. By narcissism* I refer to the psychological condition characterized by self-preoccupation, lack of empathy, and unconscious deficits in self-esteem. To the narcissist, his/her self-image, how he or she is viewed by peers or neighbors, is more important than the suffering of those within the family. I would not be surprised if the grandparents have been asked by neighbors or members of their congregation, “How come you didn’t bring your grandchildren to the church picnic? I noticed that your grandchildren never stay with you.” A few questions like that would be enough to fuel their insistence.
Let me add that this is purely conjecture on my part and, I do not know if this applies to aag’s situation. Based on my own experience and my observations of others, I consider narcissism to be the cornerstone of an abusive relationship.
*American Heritage Dictionary
I have been reflecting on my previous post, and on some of the other lengthy entries here. vereyone agrees. that is because what your parents are asking is absurd. It is absurd of them to ask, and in asking they only serve to emphaisis why NO is the only answer.
Here’s another way to think about it.
What is the real driving issue for your parents? They are putting a
lot of time and energy into this issue; there must be something that
they want. What are they trying to get?
There are a few possibilities.
1. Opportunities to molest your children
This is the least likely. Which isn’t to say that they wouldn’t if
they had the opportunity, but I doubt that this is what is driving
them.
2. Validation
The psychologists would say “relief from cognitive dissonance”. When
the facts and our egos collide, something has to give, and it isn’t
usually our egos. We all do this. No one wants to think that they are
a bad person. To protect our self image, we rationalize, minimize,
deny, distort, blame others–whatever it takes.
If you didn’t have children, this wouldn’t be such an problem for
them. They could have their view of the past (it didn’t happen, it was
no big deal, it wasn’t their fault, etc.), and you could have your
view of the past (obviously different…), and since it’s all in your
respective heads, your view needn’t challenge their view.
But you do have children, and you have a rule about unsupervised
visits, and that very much challenges their view of themselves. If
you’re being reasonable, then they must have done something *really*
*bad*. And they just can’t live with that. So they keep trying to get
you to back off.
3. Power
People like having power. Really, they do. It’s primal, and visceral,
and it’s wired right into our brains (serotonin levels and all that).
When you lived with your parents, they had power over you. They don’t
have that power any more, and they want it back. If not over you, then
over your children.
Or, the badgering may not be a means to an end, but simply an end in
itself. It may be an expression of what power they still hold over
you: the power to cause you grief, the power to make you unhappy. It’s
not much, but it’s all they’ve got.
I’m relieved to read the above comments and to see how powerfully your readers support you. If it were me there’s no way my parents would ever have set eyes on their grandchildren – even photos – so they should consider themselves lucky.
Besides, what’s in it for you to give them unrestricted access? Absolutely nothing, or as we say over here, the square root of bugger-all.
I read this the other day from work using the poor internet browser from my phone and couldn’t leave a comment then. I really wanted to and spent a lot of time writing and re-writing my response in my head. What to say what to include what to leave out. How I know what I know.
Bottom line is a truly “repentant” sex-addict, sex-offender would WANT to have the visits supervised. Would want to leave no room for doubt in anyone’s mind, (or his own) that he might have the opportunity to re-offend in some way.
Those at the highest risk level get there by their unique pathological capacity for self-delusion about their own intentions. They say to themselves, I’m not like that, I am “over it” I am in control. In fact, I should test out my resolve by putting my self near the bar/crack/pipe/school yard which will prove to myself and everyone else that I am all better.
I am among other things a voyeur. This by definition means I get a sexual charge by seeing things that aren’t really meant to be seen. Making the effort to “happen upon” your blog, and having done so to continue reading even the rationalized glimpses they saw from google without violating the letter of your don;t go to my blog edict is in fact a willful violation of the clear spirit of your request, a violation of your privacy, personal space and a re-victimization.
That said, on to the subject of the “Christian” counselor. I, myself received some (a lot) of counseling from a professional counseling service (real PhD’s here running the place, not just masters, certainly not someone that prayed about it and received a mission and a couple of church pamphlets for their training.)
IN the course of treatment where many of the others I met in group sessions were actual couirt date looming sex offenders in all walks of life with an emphasis on Clergy, Doctors and others in positions of trust (much like the position of trust the want to assume for themselves here). There were also people that had been inappropriate with their children, neices, grand children and siblings.
I happened upon one of the counselors who happened to share my faith of origin, (which I still believe in despite my parents bastardized version there-of and am raising my kids in). It was useful to talk with him because we share a common culture and vernacular. It was not critical to efficacy to share this though. It never provided a framework for any other answer than what another counselor would advise.
No legitimate therapist of any stripe would countenance conversion of an abuse victim to even have to wonder for a few hours or even minutes if she had placed her very children in harms way. It is a myth that sex offenders cannot be treated, effective treatment is available. A cure is not. One doesn’t go to the doctor or faith healer and have yourself cured of diabetes but one can monitor ones blood sugar and adjust it using available efficacious remedies.
If you choose to go with them to any counselor, sure you can pick. I’d find a place with actual experience with sex offenders. I’s recommend one that at minimum has attended one of Patrick Carnes workshops better still trained by him. I believes his approach has a background in faith. The head of the place I went to happened to also be an ordained minister in his particular faith but that was by no means the focus or even really addressed in the course of therapy.
In the course of counseling, your life/blog/relationships/kinks are strictly off limits for any joint sessions. There is no need what-so-ever for such items to provide any sort of cheap, guilty, voyeuristic thrill for your parents. Inclusion of that as a topic is all you need to know to know that their hearts are not in the right place at all, regardless of how close their lips sound to concern. to paraphrase…”their lips draw near but their hearts are far from me” This sayest Christ.
I also couldn’t read comments from my phone. I’m kind of glad I didn’t or I would have just said “see above.” Never mind what the above comments must (should) mean to you by way of support and validation of you and your boundaries, what does it say about this blog???
It says you have some really smart, sensitive and articulate readers. What that says about your blog is volumes. To attract that level of readership would be any publisher’s dream. I truly think you can tell a lot about the quality of a person’s character by the friends that they attract.
Send them to a sex therapist instead. They are the ones who are broken and need to be fixed, not you.