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On her cross-country trip back home, the always-delightful Essin’ Em and her lovely sister detoured through my little city so as to share dinner with my family.

Because I don’t live in the socially-jumpin’ meccas of either coast, my opportunities to meet other bloggers are unfortunately limited.  Alas.  There are any number I’d love to meet, and in this case “meet” doesn’t necessarily mean “fuck,” though there are several who would fall into that category too, you know who you are.

My children helped straighten the house and prepare our meal.  Their contributions should probably be listed in the history books with an asterisk alongside, as a perfectly honest assessment of the sum total of their assistance would fall into negative territory.

Then they provided the entertainment for our visit; this they did with extreme enthusiasm.  First we had a boyish meltdown, which took place because he was awakened from his nap too quickly.  Later we had the Getting Dinner on the Table Circus, which was punctuated by repeated cries of “Is it time for cake yet?”

Essin’ Em and her sister’s eyes went wide as they observed the ritual of after-dinner clean up, the climax of which was me on hands and knees below the table sweeping up a medley of cake crumbs and ants as the little ones steadfastly attempted to yank down my shorts.

We did manage a few words on the state of the porn industry and the sex-toy trade while cleaning up the kitchen.  I showed her the perpetually refilling box of dildos and books which often hides on top of my refrigerator.  We marveled over the new marble dildo (so pretty!) and puzzled over the dildo meant to simulate receiving a blow job on a woman (so confusing!).

Later we hung out in the living room while the children flitted about.  They were particularly fascinated by Essin’ Em’s sister, who was not a fan.  They sensed her fear.

I can confidently say that after meeting these hooligans, she will be extra-cautious with her methods of birth control.  Especially after Naked Time, and Naked Dancing Time, and Naked Jumping About Time.

All too soon, they needed to be on their way.  Essin’ Em, it was a joy to spend a few hours with you, and we all hope we can meet you again another day.

And by the way?  You are incredibly sexy.