Weak men prey on the compassionate women of the world. Their sob stories bring out our mothering sides. It’s when we have children of our own that we realize they should be big enough and ugly enough not to need mothering anymore. However, by then, it is too late: patterns of behaviour and attitude have developed, and drastic action must be taken to show where the limits are. No wonder he heaps up guilt; I’m guessing it has worked before.

On the flipside…my mother still expects me to be the quiet, bookish teenager she had imagined I was two decades ago. Even then, I felt a tremendous pressure to conform to her wishes, lacking in the self-esteem and confidence to tell my mother she expected too much and didn’t really know me. I still can’t tell her, but at least I have learned to keep a barrier of sorts up between us that she can rarely penetrate.

I am not the person she wanted me to be, but I am becoming the person *I* want to be, and if she can’t accept that, there is no place for her in my life.

Why tell them?….. anything on the subject?

It’s been my experience that anything you send in that direction: speech, thoughts, looks, or otherwise, just gives energy to something that has proven itself to cause you misery. Therefore, instead of telling them you are done…… simply be done. And give not one more moment to that subject.

Just a thought :)

BTW, love what you’ve done with the place! You’re as lovely as ever ;)

Maybe you should say next time they start their now-habitual whingeing, ” Have you anything new to add? I know exactly what you think and it cuts no ice with me. Frankly, life is too short to sit around listening to you rehashing the same old complaints that I’ve already rejected. Maybe you should look for something positive and pleasing to say, because at the moment you’re giving me no incentive to talk to you at all”.

Actually. I think you’re doing really well to be so patient with these people :o)

Over the course of two days, three people opined that they didn’t like the sort of person I’ve become.

was worrying, and I read on with furrowed brow until I got to

In both cases, the precipitating factor seemed to be the fact that I did not give them what they wanted.

Then I burst out laughing.

Family, by blood or marriage, requires people to be more trustworthy than a common aquaintance. The benefits are gifts, not rights. You have the right to trust others, you have the responcibility to maintain their trust of you, and you do not have the right to betray and take advantage. These rules apply to others no matter the title they demand. Good luck to you and do not blind yourself with title or position to the betrayals of others.

You might mention to your ex that he’s obviously free to keep thinking this, but, for you, it’s not an allowed topic anymore.

Damn, I keep having this empathy for the husband and father side of things despite my best efforts. I still admit to having all kinds of if-only fantasies about my long-ago divorce, but I’d never bother my ex with them. Fewer and fewer, but I don’t think I’ll ever stop. It still means so much to me.

In both instances, the facts are the facts, and you’re moving on, even if they won’t.

You should not accept their abuse. it seems to me you are allowing yourself to be victimized again. Stop the abuse.

its really ok to not allow others to abuse you mentally/emotionally/physically, etc…and the constant barage of “you arent good enough” (or whatever they say) is completely unnecessary…

dont take on their guilt and be responsible for your own actions…you have yourself and your children to worry about right now…and they should not see the abuse as normal, or the cycle will only continue…

peace to you…