aag

I think you need to put the decision where it belongs: with them. You are way out there and pretty public; if they really want to read it, they should.

But I would be really really surprised if they wanted to. No parent really wants to know the, um, ins and outs of their child’s sex-life. They just want to know that their children are safe and loved.

I would sit down and tell them the truth. That it really isn’t that bad, you aren’t gay or anything or into heavy S&M (though that would be fine, of course, but much more painful to share with your folks). You started writing this almost as therapy when you were very unhappy in a very empty marriage; since that ended, as a healthy middle-aged woman, yes you have a sex life, and yes, you happen to write about it, with many steps taken to protect your identity.

Yes, you have had the odd group experience, yes, that has involved other women a little bit, but that is not the focus of your activity. Mostly you have been pretty monogamous, albeit in public. Do they really want to know about positions and precise acts, none of which are all that unusual? I doubt it.

Sure they aren’t going to approve, but if you can assure them that you are safe and discrete, well its not like you have come out as a dyke or a trans-person after all. They should be grateful; your only real oddity is that you write about it.

They aren’t going to be happy of course, but they will eventually learn to live with it. After all, it could have been much worse, you could have run off and joined a polygamous sex slavery religious cult or something.

Mostly, I think, you need to tell them that while it is explicit from time to time, it describes nothing that weird, and an awful lot of it is about parenting toddlers and taking pix of flowers.

Oh, and you might also want to put up a secondary friends and family blog. Lots stuff about the kids and flowers, and very little about buttsecs. Those kinds of blogs are fun too, easy to do, and keep parents happy.

See I blog about something much more dangerous than sex: I blog about sports. More specifically, I blog about my coaching, and jesus murphy but parents and kids can get all weirded out and medieval on my ass. I’ve been outed twice now, so now I do it in deep deep cover. My parents are ok with it, though my mother just about wanted to commit assault over some the comments I got the first time I was outed. But I am scared of dark parking lots after practise, to be sure.

In many situations, there are shades of gray between the black and the white. This isn’t one of them. This is binary; yes or no.

I’d recommend blocking their IP address, in the probably-correct assumption that Ma & Pa AAG aren’t technically savvy to understand WHY they can’t read your blog. I would venture to guess that they won’t be visiting the local public library to read your blog, and are unlikely borrow a neighbor’s computer on the off-chance that their computer (or more accurately, their account) is the ONLY machine in the whole world that can’t read you.

Should you allow them access, then I might recommend that you take a distant attitude when (not IF) they read all the “gory” details; say “I have NO idea what you’re referring to!” and refuse to discuss it.

At last resort, fall back on the comment that once headed your page: “Nothing here is true.”

Or, perhaps your dad would be cool about discussing anal three-ways……

You should totally block their IP address and then if they say something about, say “well, guess god didn’t want you reading it”.

Or, what I normally do, flat out assert “god doesn’t exist” every time they bring up the g-word.

Neither of those helps. Aside from that, what I’ve done in various situations is say “that has to do with my sex life. If you open that drawer (read this website) you have been warned”.

I am incensed on your behalf. I am also very worried about the risk they pose to your custody of your children in light of this blog. I know that courts don’t treat mothers well if they have sex. You know better than anyone else if this is a worthwhile worry.

“But I’ve never wanted to make someone uncomfortable with what’s here or how I’m living”

YOU didn’t make anyone uncomfortable. They did that to themselves. Having said that, the damage is done.

I’m not sure I can give you a concrete answer because I don’t know enough about them to say if they’ve already had enough with the blog and are now just intent on bugging you, or if you think they’d actually sit around and read the tihing to prolong the issue.

Here’s my vote for what it’s worth. Make it their decision. Talk to them and make it clear that you’re not open to discussions on the topic or to being converted back into the humble housewife. Then, ask them. If they can promise to look without bugging the hell out of you, fine, let them have a look. If not, block their IP.

I don’t envy your position, but like I said, you’ve got the email. Let me know if you want to bounce it off anyone.

Good luck.

No easy answers to this one, but the bottom line is that your parents love you; always have, always will. They can’t help it.

They’ve opened Pandora’s box, and I’d be pretty surprised if they really just popped the top for a second without having a look around, as they seem to have told you. I don’t know many human beings who can resist that kind of temptation.

From a practicality standpoint, there’s not actually much you can do to keep them from accessing your cyberspace-space now that they know where you are, and it smacks a bit too much of parental controls working in reverse.

I think you need to do for yourself what you’ve been teaching your children to do for themselves. Set limits, advocate for yourself, be who you are unapologetically, and stand firm. Tell them you understand that what they did was out of love and concern for you, but that you are a grown woman who has demonstrated she can take care of herself. You deserve respect and privacy, and you don’t have to explain yourself to anyone.

Then tell them you love them and give them a big hug.

OK, I hesitate to say this, because they’re your parents, but here it is:

Fuck ‘em.

Let them know that they either accept you as you are, or they are out of your life. Or, just cut out the middle step and just remove them from your life.

There is NOTHING they can do to you. You are not a child. You are an adult parent, responsible for several children. You have every right to fuck, suck, lick, blow and buttball anyone you like, whenever you like. And you may write about it too. Publicly, even.

If they disapprove of you, too goddamned bad.

Remember this: YOU are the person who will choose which nursing home they get to die in. Do you not think that perhaps they should be nicer to you?

You will get old and die. We all will. Your parents will too. But they will do so WELL BEFORE you do, and this gives you the ultimate power over them.

Do they wish that you take care of them in their decline and final years, as well as you are taking care of your children now? Well, then they had better BACK OFF, right now.

Please, stand your ground. You are in command of your life. You are not a child. You are a parent, and, soon, about to return the parenting favor to the people who raised you– IF and only if they don’t blow it.

I think your parents are in the wrong here, it is not unreasonable to ask your family to keep a comfortable distance out of your sex life. I’m guessing you’ve already gently pointed that out a few times already.

However, I absolutely get why you’d want to find a compromise. I guess halfway between full access and no access is limited access. How about if you create a custom feed of the posts you’re ok with them reading, and then ask them to read your blog only via RSS instead of visiting directly?

WTF.

I agree with OP, let them decide.

Banning the IP (or whatever other banning method is used) is just avoiding a situation that has already been breached.

Here is an opportunity to set out some ground rules and consequences, just as they did for you.

If you are uncomfortable, say so, but at the same time be inclusive, they are (in their own way) looking after your best interests.

It doesnt have to become an everyday conversation, but by setting out the ground rules first, you can control the conversation far better than responding to their overt/covert demands.

What about if you wrote to them? That way you could express things exactly as you want, you can take as much time as it requires, and write as many drafts as you want.

In your shoes I would probably try to keep it simple: I love you. I have heard your concerns. We have different points of view. I ask you now, as I have asked you before, out of love and respect for each other—leave my writing life for me.

I think some things should always be kept private. Please don’t change your content - ever! I love your blog.

I keep my private. Even if people knew the name of my blog I would be expelled/killed.

I blocked my mother’s computer from EVER seeing my blog. Period. She doesn’t know why the computer won’t let her see it, just that it won’t, so she has pretty much forgotten about it.
Your parents sound like they’ve gone searching. “God” told them? No. Someone else did. And they’ve gone searching. “We haven’t read your blog, but we know where it is” is pretty much tantamount to a 3 year old saying “Not Yet” when you ask that 3 year old if they’re going to be making a mess. I say block the IP and sit down with whichever parent you feel most comfortable with and explain “Look, you know I blog. These are the subjects (and give them your category list), I really don’t think you’re interested in these subjects, but if you are, let’s talk. I’d really prefer you NOT read the blog.” Not, however, telling them you’ve blocked them. “We want access” doesn’t mean letting them know every little aspect of your life. It could, however, mean subjecting yourself (if your parents are like mine) to a weekly phone call.

So what you need is like a ‘Limited Profile’ on Facebook, right?

Why don’t you ask them to read once… I doubt they’ll want to again. And then you can have a long conversation with them about how loving and writing about sex doesn’t change the other things about you.

That seems to me the better alternative to blocking IP addresses or changing your writing style or password-protecting each post…

Well, there IS a deal available, I’d say. If they agree not to intrude on your private life with religion-based objections to your lifestyle then in return you’ll agree not to bombard them with evidence supporting Darwin’s theories and the fact that the world is billions of years old and not merely 6,000 :o)

Christianity’s obsession with sex-related issues is bloody weird, as is its determination to prevent their deity from being upset by matters of the flesh even though he’s (allegedly) able to deal with it himself by virtue of his omnipotence, omnipresence and omniscience.

But given that god-botherers are hardly likely to listen to a reasoned argument I’d agree with others that you should block them and say that their deity clearly willed it so ;o)

Peace. And Love - the real stuff, not the religious version, naturellement :o)

“Why don’t you ask them to read once… I doubt they’ll want to again. And then you can have a long conversation with them about how loving and writing about sex doesn’t change the other things about you.”

A thoughtful suggestion. Then the “we know but we don’t know” games are done, and you can see what you can do to move on, or not, accordingly. I also agree that they may not want to stay long.

Which brings up the issue of making them “uncomfortable”. What if you sent them links to some specific posts, ones you feel particularly proud of and you feel are more for them–appropriate both in terms of what they would be comfortable reading and appropriate in terms of what you would feel slightly more comfortable revealing to them? (”It All Adds Up”?)

Right now they are getting a distorted view of you while respecting the “letter” of your request, as you put it. Maybe you could give them a chance to see a more full view of you, and an opportunity to show that they can live up to the spirit of what you’re asking of them. Perhaps they will surprise you. If not, you don’t lose anything, since in the end, of course, you can’t control whether they read or not, what they think or not, whether they approve or not–only how you respond.

I wish you a lot of luck in deciding what to do.

I had a very similar problem about a yeaar and a half ago. My sister, who had access to my blog was specifically asked not to share what she reaad with our mother - a request that she promptly ignored. So, I blocked her from my blog. Of course she noticed this and I told her why. Eventually, I started another blog and now have completely tapered off the blog she knows about. Since then I’ve even started another blog. Starting a new blog doesn’t reaally solve your problem, but I wanted to show my solidarity. I know of which you speak. Good luck!

I clicked the comment button to say what Orv already has.

Your blog is private. Your are discreet. The decision is theirs. And if they make the wrong one for them, it is theirs to cope with.

It’s been very helpful for me reading your blog because I am having issues like this too. Reading the confusion in your blog that is in my head clarifies it for me.

I see no point in blocking. There are always ways round blocking. As simple as going to the library.

AAG’s mom and dad: if you read your girl’s blog it is your responsibility and yours alone. You are responsible for your reactions to what you read. You are also responsible for violating your daughter’s privacy as she has asked. Give her the dignity every human deserves. You can’t take her dignity from her, but you can give it back. STOP READING.

Just so you know, I’ve only read your blog on this topic; I haven’t read any of the responses on this page, so what you’re about to get is MY opinion, unalloyed and uninfluenced by what anyone else has said.

I’d slam the iron curtain down. I did.

It’s been nearly 25 years now that my parents got way too inquisitive into my private life. I warned them to back off; they didn’t. Instead, they increased their prying.

So I slammed down the iron curtain. I talked to them, sure, but I told them only what I wanted them to know; or rather, what I didn’t care for them knowing about. I cut off their friends, too, those people - including my sister - who’d been “reporting” on my activities to them.

My father died about seven years ago; my mother predeceased him by about three years. To this day, I have no regrets about taking the actions I took. I only wish I hadn’t waited so long to take them.

You see, to this day, I can approach just the CITY where they lived - not even enter the city limits - and my stomach ties itself in knots.

I don’t expect you to follow my example. I’m only telling you what worked for me.

You’re asking the right question. It isn’t about access & discussion of your blog. It’s about access to your life. The easy option is to cut them out of your life, completely, starting with blocking their IP and ending with ending access to the grandchildren. As difficult as it sounds, it’s the easiest option.

Cresentmoon is right to advocate that you set boundaries, believe in yourself, and stand firm. This is the hardest option with potentially the greatest reward.

Your decision then is two parts: a) is it possible, them being god-fearing souls and all that it may not be, and b) is it worth your time & emotional investment? As cold as it sounds, what are you and your kids expecting to get out of this relationship with your parents? If the answer is little or nothing, then it’s time to cut them loose.

Speaking from personal experience, it wasn’t until my well-intentioned but emotionally constipated father started eroding my son’s self-esteem that I stopped blaming myself for the broken relationship, stopped trying to “fix” myself, and walked away from it.

Funny thing, when I started standing up for myself and my son, when I changed my behavior, I was the one who got blamed for being difficult. I pointed out the irony, but I don’t think he got it. [shrug].

I know you’re not in the same situation, but you get the idea. Maybe it’s time to let go of the expectation of being a good daughter, and start being the grown-up you’ve worked so hard to be.

Your parents chose to pry and not respect your wishes. They are wrong. You are an adult, they’re responsibility of being totally involved in your life ended the day you became an adult. This is my opinion. While I still want to know how my adult children are doing and what’s happening with them, it’s not my place to tell them what or how to do it. Should my children discover I write a blog, I would tell them it’s not something they may want to read. TMI about their mother. However, it will be their choice. They will be warned and should they decide to go ahead and read, I will take no criticism or outrage from them. After all, I am an adult.

Your parents are also being unfair to you in not reading your blog from day one. You should do what YOU feel comfortable with. Period. Your blog is well written, intelligent, informative, funny, touching and shows that you are a caring person. Your parents should start at the beginning to know what a good person they brought into the world and raised.

The options depend on the relationship you have with your parents.

Were it me, I would tell my parents that I blog about a part of my life that they do not need (nor would want) to know and would feel violated if they read it. And then I would probably block their IP address anyway for my piece of mind.

You can grant them access to other parts of your life if you wish. That might make them less apt to invade this space.

Hey aag!

I just wanted to tell you that you got some pretty good advice above and likewise, you got some pretty fucked up comments. Some people were bouncing off the wall with this! I mean look, I dont think it has to get to the point where you completely disown your parents or allow them full access to your life. I think anyone who makes either drastic decision is severly unbalanced. I really believe that most people were right - that you have to stand your ground and talk to them. Tell them that you know they worry but that they are only complicating your life by being so intrusive. Tell them that you are happy with where you are - that you’ve come a long way, and that this blog is part of the reason. This place of expression for you has been a big part of a transformation from a weaker woman to a very strong and independent one. (No offense :O) ). I think you have a fantastic thing going here, and I dont think you should contemplate it’s future. I think everyone has a moment when they need to be put in their place, and I dont think parents are excluded from that. I also know that when you finally lose a parent, you realize many things. I dont think you should end your ties with your parents - they’re your parents and honestly there are other ways of dealing with this situation other than being so drastic. I think honesty is key. I believe that if you really dont want them to read your blog than block them and do the most you can. I also think that the only choice you should give them is whether or not you will have to control their access. As in - tell them that you dont want them reading your blog, it’s your personal life- and tell them that they can choose to just be respectful and not read it on their own or that they can choose to have you blog them. Either way Aag, dont compromise your much deserved privacy - lord knows it’s hard to get any when you have children. Don’t be afraid to claim the space that is yours. But dont worry - this will all fall into place. I just think you’re the one who has to call the shots. Good luck!

Ana

I struggle with a lot of what you touched on in this entry as far as friends not reading my blog. Many of them want to, and while I wouldn’t mind telling them the same stories that are in my blog, there is just something in me that can’t bring myself to share the link. I don’t know if it is fear that they will no longer like me or if it is fear of feeling exposed or what.

Thank you for your help….I only wished to express understanding & support for you!!!!

Having a completely “open” online journal seems to inevitably lead to being discovered by parents, coworkers, or other sets of prying eyes. I suppose the middle ground is to restrict the more juicy entries to an approved subset of readers, and let your parents access to the more pg-rated stuff.

I can empathize with your desire to keep aspects of your life private from your parents, as I have a similar situation with mine. I guess it comes down to whether you think they really want to know you better, or simply want to harp on you for being different from what they would prefer.

Assuming they actually do want more access to your life, I think they’d be touched by much of your writing, and impressed with your expressive skill.

Maybe you should start another blog that’s just your writings about your family and life in general but leave the sex off. Give your parents this url. This way they get to know what’s going on in your life. I have 2 blogs and it works out great. One for the fam, one for friends.

Stfu slut.

Thanks, Carter! So witty! And intelligent! –aag

The day my blog was no longer “mine” was the day certain family members found it.

I have censored myself for the reasons you expressed. Although I am not ashamed of anything I have ever done or said, that doesn’t mean I want my Mom talking about it over Thanksgiving.

Here’s to hoping you find a balance!

So, God reads “adults only” blogs? Who knew?

The fact remains, you’re an adult, and your private life is really of no concern to your parents.

They went looking, and this is what they found.

If you really don’t want them to read, you can use all of the solutions touched on in previous comments.

If it was me? I would rather block an IP then censor myself because I knew my mom was reading. (Even though I have a feeling she’d say “I don’t want to know!”)

By the same token, if my kids (who have no clue I write a blog, and who are both adults) ever found it, I doubt that they’d read any further than the “about me” section. Because of the “eeewww, MOM!” factor.

I feel for you, because you really seem to have a Catch 22 going on here. But I hope you find a solution that allows you your freedom of expression without compromising who you are…a vital, gifted, sexual woman.

Best of luck, aag.

Seems to me that there have always been boundary issues between you and your parents.

Sometimes it’s amusing, but mostly it isn’t. Not in the way they approach things.

Extrapolating from past occurrences, they aren’t going to let this lie. They aren’t going to read the blog and suddenly “understand” and have everything be all rainbows and unicorns.

What they want is for you to toe their line. The one they set and decide upon. That is their idea of “more access” to your life.

They don’t want you to let them read it, they won’t really understand if you block their IP. What they would like is for you to crawl back into that shell and be a nice quiet girl who does what she is told with no comment whatsoever. You know, that shell they shoved you back into right before you got married.

There is no non-drama way to handle this and still be who you are. Prepare for the drama. Lay down the boundaries about what are conversational topics and what are not and stick to it.

They are the ones who had to see the man behind the curtain and now they get to live with the reality of what their daughter is doing. Allow them to experience the consequences of their behaviour. Certain topics are now off limits.

Simply change the topic if they try to bring it up.

Stick to your guns sweetie. There are many of us who know you and love you not in SPITE of what you write about here but BECAUSE of what you write about here.

That’s such a bummer. You’ve built such an amazing blog. They don’t even understand what they’re interfering with :-(

Hi,
My own mother is just that nosey and I am 40 years old.

Unless you are a minor, it really isn’t their business. Even though you are not ashamed (and SHOULD NOT BE ashamed), parents don’t need to and shouldn’t know about their kid’s sex life. Hell, my 17 year old has left some funky history in our computer and I didn’t keep looking for more. I simply showed him how to clear the history.

You already asked them nicely to back off and they didn’t. Time to block their IP. Why should you feel inhibited or a little creeped out when you are writing in your journal?

Just my opinion…

-Jess

First: apologies for any duplication from the above, after I got to Carter I decided to skip the rest.
Second: you’re being facetious about the verbosity right? I LOVE the verbosity (I know, smallish surprise there…)
Third: what arrangement did you used to have regarding the spiral notebooks? Did they not know about them, or did they allow you the privacy of “discussing” your life with your “reader”? There’s nothing different now, except that we nearly-as-fictional readers get to throw up our opinions (or in the case of some, throw-up out opinions). What will you do if you find your child’s journal? (You’ve only got a few years to fix a solid, non-negotiable “put it right back” in the answer column for that one). Here’s one you might use as a plea for understanding: ask them to produce their journals for you. What happens next? What would they prefer happen next?

wow a lot of ppl have a lot to say…all i want to say is dont stop blogging. i would miss you a lot.
i dont have any pearls of wisdom to get you through this, sorry.
xox

If it’s been said before, I agree with above. If not, then I recommend this:

Tell them that they’re welcome to read however much of the blog they like, that you’re not ashamed or embarrassed (lie if you must) for them to read it. Hopefully this will grant the access to you that you think they’re seeking.

I think that by them simply ‘knowing’ that you’re ok with it may be enough, and not require them to actually read anything. Or at least, read until the first hint of buttsex at which point they’ll know the blog is not for them.

To handle the possibility of them reading and disapproving verbally to you afterwards, I can only say ’stay strong’. Would it be worse than it is now?

Based on what you have said, it does not appear that your parents have actually read any posts in full. This means they are not really reading your blog. If they had, they would have seen the lovely and funny things you have written about the small people in your house in and around the more “smutty” posts. Therefore, I’m not sure blocking their IP address is going to work.

“Caveat Emptor” is what the Romans used to say–buyer beware–and this applies to your parents. They knew they were going to find things that you didn’t want to share with them–they had to, otherwise, why would you not tell them where it was in the first place? They should have been prepared, but they were not, and that is their own fault.

It sounds to me like they are unhappy that you are exploring all aspects of your sexuality, and mortified that you would air your encounters in a public(-ish) forum. It is a selfish concern on their part.

I suspect you are going to have to have a very difficult discussion with them face-to-face in the near future. As crescent moon said, draw the boundaries, be firm, and be your own advocate. You have nothing to be ashamed of.

Now go on with your bad self… ;)

Your parents are acting like children.

Nosy, intrusive, judgemental children.

What would you say to your own children to tell them to butt out of something that isn’t their business, especially something they’re not capable of understanding?

Tell them that.

And remember the ending to Sinead O’Connor’s song “The Emperor’s New Clothes”:

Everyone can see what’s going on
They laugh `cause they know they’re untouchable
Not because what I said was wrong
Whatever it may bring
I will live by my own policies
I will sleep with a clear conscience
I will sleep in peace
Maybe it sounds mean
But I really don’t think so
You asked for the truth and I told you
Through their own words
They will be exposed
They’ve got a severe case of
The emperor’s new clothes
The emperor’s new clothes
The emperor’s new clothes

I agree you need to address this issue with your parents. You need them to know that it’s your life and you’ll life it the way you want. Seems to me it’s all activity between consenting adults and as far as it goes what you do is your business. I think your parents need to understand this.

However you started a blog - a public journal of your most intimate issues. Surely you knew it would be discovered at some stage and you’d have to deal with the consequence. I’m not sure you can have your privacy and your success so you have to deal with the issues raised by either.

Here’s something from a favorite book of mine, _A Civil Campaign_ by Lois McMaster Bujold. Hopefully it is a little helpful or comforting. If not, well, I don’t know how to advise you, but remember that you have my sympathy and good thoughts. :)

“Nothing is guaranteed to make one start acting like a child than to be treated like one. It’s so infuriating. It took me forever to figure out how to stop falling into that trap.”

“Yes, exactly,” said Kareen eagerly. “You understand! So - how did *you* make them stop?”

“You can’t make them - whoever your particular *them* is - do anything, really,” said Ekaterin slowly. “Adulthood isn’t an award they’ll give you for being a good child. You can waste…years, trying to get someone to give that respect to you, as though it were a sort of promotion or raise in pay. If only you do enough, if only you are *good enough*. No. You have to just…take it. Say, ‘I’m sorry you feel like that’, and walk away. But that’s hard.”

From what little you’ve said, it seems as though there might not be a lot of room for reasonable conversation on this subject with your parents. The fact that “God” helped them find your blog puts this in a zone of “faith” where reason holds little sway. As the child of radical evangelicals, I’ve been there.

Many responders seem to forget that you have children, and that your parents can legally get to you through them if they want to push the issue. I can tell from what you write that you’re a good, loving mom. But someone with different “values” may miss this point altogether, blinded by their shock over buttsecs and the like.

I feel for you. I admire that you’ve been doing this very brave thing for so long, and sad for you, for your children, and for the possibility that your parents may be so busy trying to do what they think is “right” that they may miss the opportunity to see their daughter for the amazing mature person she truly is.

I don’t have kids, so I can stand up and tell my parents that if they want the whole truth, they will get it even if it scares them. I don’t know if that would be an option if I had kids. If you think you can reasonably talk to your parents and convince them that you love them, and just want them to see that you love and protect your children, and if you feel that they wouldn’t go to the extreme of breaking up your family and destroying your life just to enforce their will, there is always hope.

But if you have no hope for this, and truly fear that they’ll take the most extreme route, then I suggest you seek legal advice. Ask your friends who are in the know to recommend someone. I’m sorry to even have to suggest this. Only you know how much wiggle room there is for a reasonable outcome.

Hang in there, and my heart goes out to you and your family. Thank you for your excellent writing, and your candor.

I’m glad to hear it. Gives me hope for a reasonable outcome, even if it seems far away right now. I’ve been reading about your recent parent issues with great interest. I’m rooting for you, even if it’s just over cyberspace!

Cutting off *all* access, as in never speaking to them again in any form, seems like overkill. So does flinging the doors wide open. You have your own life, therefore, you have the authority and responsibility to decide who gets to know what about your life. And since you are a legal adult, that includes with your parents. They don’t have to like it, but that’s reality.

The middle ground is continuing to associate with your parents, but refusing to discuss this aspect of your life with them. You can block their IP address, if you’d like. But whether you block it or not, you do not and never will owe them any explanation for what you blog about or do in your personal life.

Once you are an adult, loving your parents does not include obeying their wishes pertaining to your personal life.

I wish I had better advice than ‘be yourself’ AAG.

But it comes down to this - they either love you for you - warts buttsex and all - or not.

They opened this door - you asked them not to, but they did.

I was raised Catholic - I still consider myself that, even if I pretty much disavowed myself of most of the corrupt and unfair practices still kept well past their shelf life. The one thing you are supposed to do is LOVE a person, regardless of what they are - even if you wholeheartedly disagree with them, even if you are worried for them and their choices - you love them as they are.

Hell, that’s not just a Christian thing - that’s a parent thing.

I’m not saying send them a link and say ‘have fun’. But I am saying you should lay on the line ‘this is who I am - love me or move on’.

And then you must do the same.

I wonder if it would help if they knew how much you helped people here? How much what you write makes the rest of us feel not so alone, or unusual or judged.

While the subject matter may make them cringe - the result shouldn’t.

Maybe THAT’S a tack worth taking.

Best of luck - I’ll be sending positive thoughts your way.

“Dear Mom and Dad,

I understand your concerns. I know you hope I am being safe and you hope I am not doing anything that would hurt my children in some way. Let me assure you, you raised a sane and intelligent woman. I am not involving the children in any way in my love relationships. I am not doing anything that puts me at risk. I am having sex. While it may not be within your moral boundaries, what I do is within mine, and is consciously thought out, not carelessly done.

I appreciate your concerns, and you know how much I appreciate your love and support in this last year, particularly. I would hate it if this came between us in any way. I am still the same woman. I have not changed.

I don’t choose to discuss my sex life with you. Not now, probably not ever. It is safe, it is sane, it is consensual. That is really all I want to say about it. I would appreciate it if you did not try to read my blog and you did not bring this up again.

Your loving daughter,

AAG”

Then I would suggest that blocking their IP is appropriate.

Interesting.
It seems like your intent for creating this blog is analogous to my rationale for spinning off an anonymous one for myself.

I think that, were I to be ‘discovered’ by any of those I’m hiding from, I’d be inclined to lock down the website to password protection, IP blocking or somesuch.

Of course, that may just be the fascist in my otherwise leftist mind speaking out.

aag… i’ve loved the honesty of your blog since i first linked to it from fleshbot, and this is the first time i have felt called to leave a response.

my husband recently opened MY pandora’s box of erotic writings- some purely fictional, some not so pure… or fictional. i had asked him not to read them until i was ready to show him, had warned him of their content, but he just HAD to know… and of course the piece he happened upon was the worst one-content wise- he could have chosen.

this has caused so much upheaval… i feel violated (i keep my comp password protected + i left it open for a quick dash to pick up one of the kids… he had been waiting for such a moment). he’s got his knickers in a twist over what is real and what’s not… and of course there’s more but i won’t go on + on…

in a long-winded way i want to say don’t let your parents read this blog. as a daughter, mother, wife who’s been through this, i am all for keeping some of the things we do in the sexual realm away from the judgements others might make. it’s funny, i don’t think of myself as prudish :) i just see how my family reacts to my tamer side and think, eh… here’s for a little discretion.

good luck

Just tell your parents you’ve been a naughty girl, and then bend over for your spanking.