For the past several years I’ve enjoyed the babysitting services of a girl from my neighborhood. When her mother introduced her to me, she was in her final year of high school. They lived close enough that she could walk to and from my house whenever I needed her help. After graduation, she ever so conveniently moved just a few streets over and began working in a place with quite flexible hours.
Even if she’d lived across town, I still would have cherished her because she’s wonderful with my kids. They find her delightful; I find her supremely capable, even if she sometimes doesn’t manage to get all the dishes into the sink after meals. Eh, I don’t either.
She’s taken in stride my lack of foresight where scheduling is concerned and my charming habit of picking up extra children along the way. Exhaustion and absorption in parenting prevented me from calling her for several months after my youngest child came home. When I did, it was for a doctor’s appointment that I’d forgotten about and to which I could not take my children.
Presenting your babysitter with a brand new child she didn’t know you possessed as you dash late out the door may be the ultimate test of a sitter’s unflappability, and mine handled it wonderfully.
I’m not so irresponsible as that last paragraph might suggest. Really. Usually.
In the past year she changed jobs, moved in with her boyfriend and began training for a new career. I knew in my head that she was moving on into serious adulthood and would likely not need the paltry income from babysitting for much longer, and yet I could not help but to see her as a teenager still.
When recently I had a look at a book for Jane’s Guide that seemed to be directed more toward the younger set (instead of to a grizzled veteran such as myself), I wondered who among my friends I could pass it off to so that it wouldn’t wind up languishing on my desk.
Immediately I thought of my sitter, but I felt incredibly awkward about offering it to her. She’s so young! Would it really be appropriate to give a book about sex to a girl who just yesterday was in high school?
So the book stayed on my desk, forgotten until the sitter came to my house the other night wearing an uncharacteristically floaty shirt and a subtly more rounded face.
As so many babies are, this one is a happy accident. “Do you have a name picked out?” I asked. I’m sure she’s been asked that about five thousand times so far. She rattled off something babyish and cute.
“It’s the only thing we can agree on,” she said.
My radar went on alert. “The only name you can agree on, or the only thing at all you can agree on?”
“The only name,” she said. Then after a pause, “Actually, the name is just about the only thing at all we agree on right now.”
So now I’m plotting all the items I can give to her (read: get out of my own house) in preparation for the new baby. I’ve got clothes, and a portable crib, and some parenting books. I need to start a box of stuff to give to her next time she comes over.
Guess it’s ok to give her that sex book, eh? Maybe I’ll tuck it into the box underneath and burp cloths and onesies.
Would that be inappropriate, you think?
Yes. Give it to me instead.
It’s nice to hear about a parent who realizes babysitters are not perfect…especially when the PARENT isn’t perfect….
From what you’ve said about her, I think she’d appreciate it, unless she’s the type to be embarrassed by it.
*chuckle*
I *wish* any of my babysitting clients in my teen years had given me such a thing. I’d say tuck it in to everything. :)
Well, now she will have a little one to play with your little ones.
Sure, give it to her. With a baby on the way and a relationship floating toward the rocks, this may be the last chance she gets to read something.
If it’s tucked in a stack of other books, she might think it was an accident. Then if she’s embarrassed, she’ll never mention it, and if she’s not, then she’ll ask you about it. Then you’ll know about possible future pass ons.
I’m with Ms. Inconspicuous–definitely give it to her. The amount of smut I got my hands on from rooting through other people’s libraries while babysitting was formative for my perverted years, but it took me decades before I was able to search out actually helpful reading material on my own. You’d be doing her a serious kindness. And she can always regift it if it’s not for her. ;)
Oh hell yes! Get ‘em started early.
As you’ve noted in other posts, it’s really not about the sex experience that either party has (or doesn’t have.) It’s about boundaries that are appropriate for a given relationship in a given time and place.
Sexuality should be shared; never inflicted, even with the best of intentions. I’d be especially cautious about broaching sexuality with anyone in a subordiate relationship to me.
oh, i feel kinda sad for this young woman. not having any of my own, i still understand that children, any way they come, are a blessing but she’s got a long row to hoe.
It’s either appropriate, or delightfully inappropriate. I say go for it.
I’d give it to her as well. Sounds like she’ll be needing advice on many levels from an experienced mom so on par, she’s lucky to have you as a resource for all manners of inquiry.
All the Best to her:)
Possibly, the father is a first time father and has no experience dealing with a woman going through all the hormone/mood/physical changes that pregnancy puts her through. From a males perspective is was very hard dealing with an extremely moody woman… The pay off was (a lot of) women turn into total sex maniacs too. An who doesn’t love an enthusiastic partner? This book (which I flipped through at Spencer’s Gifts) could be the thing that saves their relationship by turning the moody baby making machine into a sexual playground… or it could blow up in your face… They chained Prometheus to the side of a mountain near a temperamental eagle…
Where were you when I was babysitting? That book would have been treasured like gold. I remember as a high school senior sitting for the neighbors and poring over the mom’s copy of The Joy of Sex. The kids found it under her bed and showed it to me (naked pictures! sshh!) It was fascinating and enlightening.
I say yes, give it to her. I would have loved for someone to give me a book like this, I may order it in the near future anyway. If you’re going to be giving her other gifts there will be some way to discreetly give it to her if you’re worried about embarrassing her.
Ding ding ding ding!! HUGE warning bells going off!
No, the books you need to be passing along her are the divorce books and the ones about negotiating child support and visitation.
She’s going to need it.
I disagree w/most commenters. Unless you’ve discussed sex before, are emotionally close, or she has an easy going, laissez-faire personality, “accidently” slipping that in could weird her out. Baby stuff, baby stuff, baby stuff, sex book? I’d just be direct – if you think she’d be embarassed by receiving such an item, I’d drop it. She’s certainly old enough to seek out that kind of material in private as there are tons of good online resources. A book that doesn’t focus exclusively on sex but contains similar advice would be far more appropriate.