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I’ll give no more identifying details but that I’ve christened him Wilhelm and I want him to die.
He leered at me when I propped my heel on the towel rack to see him face to face. “Stick him with a needle,” my friend proposed.
“There is no way I’m sticking a needle there,” I told her.
“You want it gone by the weekend, don’t you?”
“No, I’ll just ask my date to ignore my leering pustule,” I said.
——
“I might not be able to shave for a while,” I told my partner later. “Will you still want me if I’m hairy?”
“I don’t like hairy,” he responded.
“Harsh,” I said, cranky from the pain and crushed by his answer. “After all the time we’ve spent together a little hair would bother you that much?”
He thought for a moment before answering again, perhaps realizing what an overwrought state Wilhelm had me in. “Honey, you are always sexy to me. We have history, and history always trumps hairy.”
——
“Where is it?” my doctor asked the next day, and when I pointed to the offending location, she grimaced in sympathy. “I’ll step out while you strip from the waist down and wrap up in a sheet.”
“Don’t worry about leaving,” I snarled. “It’s not like you’ve never seen mine before. Every time I’m here I strip from the waist down and wrap up in a sheet.”
While she rummaged around between my thighs, I cracked jokes to make myself feel better. “I think I should spackle over the whole region,” I told her. “Make it like a Barbie-doll’s. All smooth, with no openings. Just a little dimple along the rear, you know? That might keep me out of trouble for a while.”
She sent me home with antibiotics, strict instructions to call if things didn’t improve over the next day, and Vicodin.
Mmmmm Vicodin. It made me want to frolic, leering pustule or no.
——
That region has given me so much trouble over the years. Pleasure, you say? Hasn’t the pleasure originating from that region outweighed the trouble? Honestly, right now I don’t remember it giving me any pleasure at all. None!
I mean, why couldn’t Wilhelm have taken up residence on my arm?
——
Emily Simpson, I most seriously hope you enjoy this post.
Mary on May 5th, 2008 
aag
Bad Bad Girl
Rupert
Shasta Gibson
Suze on May 5th, 2008 
Jennifer on May 5th, 2008 
a on May 5th, 2008 
bittersweet me
Circe
nitebyrd
AnotherSexBlogger
Megan on May 5th, 2008 
Lolli on May 5th, 2008 
Lucy
Ruth on May 5th, 2008 
Nanners on May 6th, 2008 
Kochanie
sexie sadie
