AlwaysArousedGirl

At least yours could form whole sentances :P I get a lot of:

“Hey, ur really hot. We shud have fun 2gether soon. Gimmie a call ###-###-####. Can’t wait 2 see those hot tits for realz”

I generally don’t even dignify that with a reply.

The best one I think I ever got mentioned my love of ThunderCats cartoons (he had apparently downloaded all of the episodes he could find) and other oddities that I found pretty charming. I find I have more interest in men who don’t even mention sex (blatantly) until we’ve actually exchanged pleasantries a few times. Also, if they don’t send me photos of their junk or ask to see my boobs, HA HA (at least until the first date).

I’ve had the same experience with profiles as well. Quite frustrating, but an easy way to weed out the morons :)

Shasta

Being new to a particular Pervy dating site, I have been curious as to which approach to take. Being the type of guy I am I have been using the approach you suggest about. It just seems, I dunno, crass to me to come off that strong. Since we all know WHY we are there it just makes more sense to just be friendly, and open w/o being crass.

What has been getting my goat as of late are gay and bi men sending me howdy-do emails, when my profile clearly states I am straight. I responded to the most recent guy w/ something along the lines of:

Listen I am glad your cock is 9 in, and that you personally love to suck other cocks. While I do love a good blow job, I figure out when I was about 17 that I was not into boys. Thanks anyway.

Anyway, I can kind of feel your pain. It is nice to see that as a fellow new to the world of online pervy sites I am on the right track.

Please forgive some of my typos, it is the end of the semester and between grading, and life, I have not had a lot of sleep this week.

For the last paragraph, to add humor to it, I’d do the romp in bed option.

“Hi!”

Men don’t read profiles at all. My experiance: I had a profile for a chat environment where I clearly stated that I was a transvestite, ie, a dude in a dress. Still I got “hit on” continually by guys that were so intent on their Boomhauer shotgon quantity approach that they couldnt interupt their patter to realize how horrified they would be if they actually had any idea who they were offering what to.

That first e-mail would leave me icy too. To be honest the only experience I’ve had with this sort of thing has been through online roleplaying venues (yes I am that geeky) - guys who wanted cybersex, basically, and touting things about enormous cocks and such. I suspect many of them, both where I used to frequent and your pervy dating site, are overcompensating at best!

Though, now I can’t get the image of a disembodied penis typing away at a keyboard by bashing the top into the keys out of my head. So, thank you for that…I think.

I’ve had soooo many of those responses on my pervy dating site.
Today for example:
“Hey there, would you be interested in hanging out and possibly having some oral fun? I want to bury my face between your legs and go wild eating your pussy!”
How about a little hello, how are you, what would you like, etc?

I hear ya sister.

Honestly? These days, I’m excited if I get a decent, well written, properly typed ANYTHING.

The last guy who I met off line emailed me via my blog with a very nice note to the gist of “Hey. Love your blog. You seem really cool. I’d love to chat a bit, and, since I’m local, perhaps buy you a drink or dinner”

That isn’t that hard, is it? Thats all I want. Instead, I get messages from guys on Myspace telling me they want to ‘beat my pussy’, and other such nonsense. I even have a little list of things to do and not do on my myspace to help you have a better chance of fucking me. I had one guy actually read it, but then complain that I was ‘requiring him to write like he was in high school’.
WTF?!
Yeah. You learned how to write in high school. You know, in order to be better prepared for life.

Bah. Grr. argh. I’d bitch more about stupid writing on the internets from men trying to sleep with me, but my sleeping pill is kicking in, and if I keep talking about this, I’ll never get to bed.

One has to wonder though if the crass approach works often enough to make it a worthwhile strategy. If not I would have thought it would die out as all such things should.

I don’t have any profile on any dating site (although I probably should given the lack of action in my life :)), but I do hang out on an adult IRC room, and since my nick seems androgenous to some, I get the occasional crass offers. My initial reaction is to ask them to kindly f.off (or, depending on mood to induce an involuntary departure), but often some of the ladies object, so I have to assume the approach does work.
On inquiry to the objectors I discover they are sometimes open to that kind of approach. Since it gets rewarded I suppose you will always have to deal with that kind of approach.
Perhaps an answer for you would be to have a dating site that allows ppl you’ve already contacted to continue to see your profile and other not to?
Thanks for the blog - its now part of my daily routine.

Being an active member at some pervy sites and just a general surfer of all things smutty including forums and being a man all I can do is shake my head at the many ignorant asses that I constantly see out there. I know that you women are constantly bombarded by these guys that not only don’t put forth the effort to read profiles-so how could they ever put forth the time and thought it would take into actually writing a sincere response to those that they actually have a chance of matching up with-but I just really wonder what these guys are thinking.

The ones that always get me are in a shout box on a forum or even a chat room when one will pop up out of the blue and exclaim he is naked and ready to cum and then asks if there are any women that wish to chat and cam2cam with them or watch them cum. I understand it’s the internet but where in life would these guys do this? I mean if you really go to your local watering hole and strip over in the back and yell out to the crowd letting them know you want to be watched as you stroke off then more power to you-feel free. But otherwise use your head. And I really never see them getting much of a positive response at all.

Anyway for them I apologize to you wonderful women and I thank you for being willing to put up with the daily nonsense and giving the descent one’s albeit few and far between the opportunity to interact with you all.

Yes, completely agree with you AAG. As much as the ridiculous and crude come ons, it bothers me when someone who doesn’t know a thing about me emails me with a long and involved (and often complicated) fantasy… “This is what we would do…”. Two reasons… first of all, he doesn’t know me. He presumes far too much thinking he knows what I’d like. Second… sending a long, scripted fantasy as a cold call makes me suspect that he is far too adept at copy / paste.

At the very least, he should make some reference to what he read in my profile, and indicate why he thought I’d be a good person to contact.

Oh! And here’s another thing! The rude reactions I’ve had from men who send me something like you’ve described, or worse (”Hey baby, want to see me jerk off?”), or filled with errors (when my profile clearly says I’m looking for someone articulate), when I delete or don’t respond. I’ve had people call me out, demand that I explain what my problem is, say that women on pervy sites are rude, that it’s impossible to get any responses. Argh. If they put some thought into it, they’d do much better.

Some men just figure they are so totally awesome that you don’t mean them. *sigh*

Intelligence and humour. For a long-time fuckbuddy, I want to be able to be friends in bed and out. Which means that not only do sexual preferences need to line up, but so do the sit-around-and-chat-and-go-out-and-do-things ones do too.

My longest standing fuckbuddy hooked me because he commented on how gutter-mouthed I was, which at least let me know he’d read my profile.

Hi… I’m Colin Farrell and I want you — very badly.

I’m not currently on any dating sites, but from what my friends tell me, anything with good spelling, grammar and actual sentences is halfway home.

One of the few messages I’ve ever bothered answering didn’t even include flirtation. Just “Hey, you seem cool, IM me sometime if you feel like it” (with some elaboration on my apparent coolness/why he, too, was pretty fucking cool.)

Exchanged a couple of messages, forgot about it. A few weeks later:

“I saw you at [kink event]! Hope you don’t mind my mentioning that. Anyway, I thought about saying hi, but you seemed pretty well settled-in for the evening with your friend, so I just stuck with my crowd. We liked watching you get paddled, though. :)”

After a few months of platonic friendship while I dealt with the relationship drama going on in my life, he turned out to be a really awesome FWB.

Hard on with the evolved ability to type. That was a good one and oh so true.
As a woman who indulges in all forms of erotic and often times considered taboo pleasures, I get all kinds who email me from my various profiles. I have changed my profile several times to varying degrees of harshness but I have come to the conclusion that they don’t actually READ the profile. They look at the picture, decide they like what’s on the menu and start ordering, citing their various hungers before they checking to make sure they are not allergic to the ingredients.
Had this adorable religious sorts who told me he would love to see me on his cock after our wedding night. Then he continued on to tell me of all of the nasty delights he wanted to do (most sounding as though they had come from a virgin… which I was assuming he was… and most very tame for my desires). I kindly mentioned that I did not marry men I had just met online of all places and esp. without a several thousand dollar ring on my finger. Then I clicked the ignore button. Oy. I guess he didn’t catch the part on my profile about my boyfriend being a 6′5″ 375lb former cop and I was more looking for a female playmate or a non-homophobic male who was not interested in homosexual activities.

After years of being a very active member on a pervy site, I’m pretty sure I’ve received every kind of unwanted email. If I’m in a good mood, simply deleting them and moving on works for me. Other times, they really piss me off and I have to restrain myself from writing a scathing reply. I do have, or so I’ve been told, a polite auto-response basically explaining that I can’t spend the time necessary to respond to everyone, so if they don’t hear from me, I’m probably not interested.

I think some guys just get off on writing the i-wanna-cum-on-you’re-face emails and don’t really expect a response. Others, though, probably just need some advice on how to write a better email. However, aag, I’m going to come blame you if I end up getting emails that are copied and pasted from your example here!!!

Hi aag

I get a lot of those messages too… I try to answer any honest introduction politely even if I’m not interested, but those… LOL

My Sir has suggested that when someone comes on strong like that I offer to make them my bitch, but only if they do a, b, or c first, to show they deserve the privilege of kissing my shoes, or something to that effect. Of course, he has a much more wicked sense of humor than I do, and I haven’t tried it yet :P

Spare a thought for the other gender. I spent hours - days - of my life crafting elegant and considerate prose in response to two-line boilerplate profiles. If I got a response and it ran to more than a couple of words, all too often it was a reply to someone else’s response.

If someone - anyone - had replied to my profile with a sexual suggestion I would have immediately retired from cyberspace a happy and fulfilled person.

I have money muscle and manners and all my own teeth. (My serious flaw appears to be that I accurately described myself as ’separated’ instead of ’single’ or ‘divorced’.) And now, I’ve made other arrangements.

So while I think guys that hit on girls in the way you describe are being pretty stupid, I can understand how they yearn for the simplicity of a straightforward sexual encounter. Bordellos are grateful for that.

Sadly, there will always be people who abuse their freedoms. But give me freedom every time …

Where were you when I joined AFF? :)

Seriously, I was always amazed by the attitude expressed by the vast majority of men on the site. It was as if they had only to click their fingers to have women falling to their knees around them (especially in front of them).

I never did find out if this tactic ever worked successfully; for some reason, whenever I asked the more crass of the guys in the chatrooms they either ignored me or told me to eff off. Strange that.

I didn’t mind too much though - less competition for yours truly.

Having said all of that, do take DucatiGuy’s comments seriously: most of the men on that site would give their eye-teeth for a tenth, a hundredth of the attention that women get. Even a crude email would be something!

Thanks, Ro!

AFF’s a pretty rough spot for a guy, too. Take away the commercial trolls and the guys pretending to be girls and that doesn’t leave many genuine posters.

aag I think you under-rate the way a guy’s intelligence and reason can be overwhelmed by his sexual needs. As someone who’s cock has been in control far too often I can testify to that.

Just think about the process of visiting a sex worker. Most guys who do that are taking risks that don’t make sense - you’re spending money you can’t afford, you could lose your personal or business relationships if you’re discovered, you could get beaten up by a pimp, you could get a secondary STD or - worst of all, and most likely - you are going to have a completely underwhelming sexual experience.

I repeat, most of the guys who visit sex workers are outwardly normal citizens in normal relationships who have a lot - everything - at stake.

The number of women who put themselves through that is infinitesimal.

So the answer to your question (why make it harder ..) is … testosterone.

ANYTHING that involves them also including or including links to pictures of their dicks… I in fact have a webpage devoted an unsolicited penis.

I would have to disagree with the contention that someone could not promise to take you to orgasmic heights without knowing you, as frankly, the human body will betray the mind, even if you hate and fear the person doing it to you.

I agree it’s not something that makes a good chat up line on the web (though it works fine in a club at three in the morning) , and there are too many who claim the ability who don’t have it, as in fact it requires work and knowledge, like any skill.

I’m confident I could sexually satisfy most women, regardless of their actual desires, because I understand the physiology and psychology well enough, and I am a sadist, which means that just to function I need to know how to adjust my, shall we say, “intensity” for my current victim, just to avoid criminal charges.

However, if I was actually tying to chat you up I wouldn’t tell you that. Unless, of course, I judged from my research that having this information would turn you on, and assist in the chat up.

Personally I have never understood paying for sex, what’s the point? It’s like shooting fish in a barrel, and anyway there is always free sex available if you really want it, there are numerous lonely women, but frankly, I have rarely found a woman who can actually make sex better than masturbation.

However I sympathize with your problem, as whenever I’ve listed myself as bi on such sites I get similar attention.

From the impression I get from female friends those messages are just a type of spam. The guys send them out to heaps of profiles in the hope of getting a couple of responses. Reading someone’s profile and responding accordingly would take time and effort.

I don’t get those messages from females, only gay guys. The usual message from a female is ‘Hi, how are you?”.
If I sent that to a female, it wouldn’t get a response. It seems that most of the females on the site I am on get bombarded with messages and you have to say something unique and interesting to get them to respond.
Many a time I have clicked the send message button and spend ages staring at a black message box trying to think of what to write. Only to give up and move on.

Might have to try your suggests, I find it’s easier if you have something to start with. But I feel a bit like you do. I’m not in the mood for new people in my life at the moment.

I got this e-mailed me to me on Flickr (username withheld in order not to mortify). I’d like to preface this with stating I have maybe three pictures that show my feet that were taken when I was having a bad face/hair day. I have nothing in my profile or groups to even suggest I am a Mistress or a foot fetishest:

“Hello I must say to you that you have the most beautiful feet that I have see in my life. Thank you for your Photos and for your album.
Pardon for this message and for my English who is very bad. I am a Spanish slave, in this moment I don’t have Mistress, It is a dream for me to be able to get to be your servant, your maid, your butler, your houseboy, your cleaner house, and your slave. I have 5 years of experience in the submission and the servitude to a Mistress and her partner, I had been her maid, her servant and the her partner’s servant from 5 years ago.
It is a dream for me to be able to be your servant your real slave a live in slave. I always have wanted to be able to manage to be a slave 24/7,It is a dream to be able to your slave and be able to belong to you, to your feet my Princess.”

I kind of think these guys just cut and paste and mail this to every woman who has a picture with the tag “feet.”

Hope and toes spring eternal. Although having someone clean my house is quite tantalizing. This probably says more about my sex drive and proclivities than his. ;)

I think, at least as to ignorant male responses, it has to do with a basic arrogance and stereotype many men have on the sex dating sites: that any woman who frequents such sites is little more than a whore, unworthy of basic respect or civility.

I frequent one or two sites under various names; I have found that the best responses by far came from the site on which I took the time to (a) read people’s profiles and narrow my search based on, you know, the actual profiles (as opposed to, say, all profiles within 100 miles of my location) and (b) engage in non-sexual chat with people (whether local or not) with wit and civility. In other word, I treated the people on these sites as, well, people, and engaged them in chat rooms with the same sort of discourse with which I would engage them were they guests in my home.

I don’t send out pictures of my junk; in fact, I neither own nor desire to obtain any such pictures. If someone insists that they have such pictures, then I inform them they would probably be happier with someone else.

Using this “approach” (if civility, intellect, humor and basic manners can be termed an “approach”), I have had multiple offers from attractive, intelligent people on the websites I frequent. Frankly, I am taking my time deciding with whom I want to meet; however, that is by choice, not by circumstance.

Just my $0.02 worth on the subject. While I am here, I’d also like to thank you, aag, for this great blog. I enjoy reading it (at least on a weekly basis, if not more often).

S–

i find i get MORE attention if my profile marks me as unavailable… go figure.

do you think i should take down the picture of my rock climbing? might that help?

lol

i’m amazed at how many lame emails that clearly involve never even reading one word i’ve written in my profile i still receive

I’m always up for a round of mini-golf with you. That’s just plain hotttt.

Oh, and i bet my booty that i could make you squirt from here to California. But hey, i’ve known you for years… lol.

Hmm.

I was recently dragged by a friend into joining OkCupid, mainly just to make friends. Most of the people there are using it more as a social networking tool and then date if they hit it off with a new acquaintance, and their matching system makes this pretty easy.

However, my female OKC friends tell me there is a pretty strong contingent of 50 something guys that send boilerplate responses to basically every woman that the sight tags as ‘kinky’, which can be a hassle.

On the plus side, there’s very little “I am your perfect match! I can make you cum until you have a seizure and your eyes bleed!” in the majority of the sight, and guys like me (that tend to read profiles for curiosity, send a note about the profile because something caught our eye, and move from there) tend to get pretty reasonable responses most of the time.

I haven’t used it as a hookup service yet, but I imagine in a year or two (when the membership in my part of the world doubles or triples) I’ll probably wind up doing so once or twice.

“I’ll make you cum ’til yer eyes bleed, baby.” This is going to be my new pickup line. :) –aag

Aaargh, I just caught a typo as the post was being submitted–and I can’t edit. (sigh). Oh well. :)

DucatiGuy: you were emailing the wrong profiles. my okcupid profile is like three pages long AND links my polite blog. assuming you’re presentable in your pictures and you are in fact as articulate as you seem i would certainly have answered mail from you.

assuming, of course, that said email referenced my profile in relation to you and that i remembered to check the site that day and that i hadn’t been going on a date that evening or embroiled elsewhere or not in the mood or….

but if i were single and your email made sense and seemed aimed at ME? you would have had my attention. but i can’t count the number of emails i’ve received more than once from the same guy so you know…

and if they wrote a two line profile. you can kind of assume they’re only there for the sex…

[my profile does say seeing someone now and i get a lot of swingy email instead]

Received via email…

Humor always catches my eye, but my favorite notes come from men who send me kinky fiction. I know that they’re probably sending the same story out to dozens of profiles, but it’s still a great way to tell if we’re going to hit it off. You can read intelligence, creativity and sense of play in just a few lines. And, given the rejection rate, I can understand sending out a generic note first to see if you get a bite. Guys I know on my site are lucky to get one reply a week, compared to the dozen I sometimes get in a day.

I agree with DucatiGuy about the testosterone. Having chatted, out of curiosity, with a few of the more boneheaded guys online, they seem to be more desperate than jerky. There are exceptions, of course, but it’s not hard to see that testosterone, and desperation, can make the most reasonable people act stupid. That’s not to say that I would date them, but I do try to say “no thank you” rather than burning them in effigy. I reserve that for the ones who ask for “more pictures of your tits.”

I’m just always taken aback when it’s evident that the writer has read my entire profile *and* has something intelligent to say. ANYTHING intelligent.

I’ve had a difficult time meeting anyone *quality* on AFF ~ unlike “Iron” (poster) I have had pretty good success on OKC and find that there are lots of *open* and *poly* folks there. (And it’s free…hate to sound like I’m plugging it, but free is good). My partner and I are venturing over to LL where things seem a bit, well, *perkier*, and the profiles are actually interesting to read.

They do market AFF like there are a bunch of women who are so hot and bothered that they have only been able to stop touching themselves, to free one hand, long enough to type out some sort of basic profile… For that gal I don’t need to reed her profile, she is my type, because I am (apparently, based on a new sex survey they tell me) only going to need her for 3 to 13 minutes anyway… (sadly closer to 3 I suspect).. Fortunately for me I lacked the ability to send emails to women so I have been spared the opportunity to make a huge ass out of myself. (To be truthful I have mad a huge ass out of my self elsewhere.)
Actually I have only met 1 woman (from ALT) as a result of email, and don’t think I have ever sent more than 10 with the goal of actually hooking up. Every other woman I have been with I have met at some sort of social networking event. with 2 or three notable exceptions I had met and then chatted/talked/IM’d/etc with the woman months (yes moths) before any actual intimacy.. (I am like the worst “swinger” ever).
That being said… gay guys love getting emails like that. (see there IS a point to al my rambling…) If I sent an emails to 10 gay guys saying I wanted them here at my house at 6am to blow me, then make me breakfast I’d have 3 guys lined up on their knees with little chefs hats outside my door the next morning. (yeah, only 3… like other dating sites half the guys still are fake/no-shows 1 guy would have a scheduling conflict and one guy would get lost on the way here…) So I suspect some guys write the type of email that they’d like to receive.
I guess I could have just typed that last line instead of everything above it… Apparently I just like to hear myself talk… err… type…

Yer fucken awesome, baby. Kiss. –aag

I have been gone for some time aag, glad to be back and realize how much I have missed reading you here!

I couldn’t help but want to comment because I too am a member of a well known pervy dating site. I have had a great time of it though, but have had to weed through my fair share of idiots, cavemen and other lower life forms. They don’t read…this makes me sad for many reasons, but they just don’t read and if they don’t read, they don’t write and if they don’t write, well then, I throw them back to the sea and wish them well and move on to some higher life forms. I don’t want to fuck a sea anemone any more than the next person, so I encourage us all to carry on and recognize and nurture higher life forms when we see them!

Again, glad to be back and glad to know that you were still here!

I borrowed your ‘form’ letter and posted on Craigs CE. Wish me luck!

I once had an ad up on a non-adult site and in the “what I’m looking for” section I included the word “lusty” WITH definition attached, just to make sure my meaning was 100% clear. And I still got consistent aggressively sexual come-on emails as a result, because they didn’t actually bother to READ. I hate that.

I think some men grab onto the idea that if a woman provides any *hint* of sexuality that it means she either deserves or prefers to be talked to like (using the opposite of your example) a raging pussy who can type, rather than a well-rounded individual who *happens* to have a healthy attitude about sex.

Also, I can’t tell you the number of men I’ve met (both online and off) that rave about how much they like to please a woman sexually and how good they are at it. For some reason, the men I talk to tend to want to convince me in particular that they’re the One Man Who REALLY Likes Oral–No, Really, REALLY, *REALLY* Likes It Wink Wink. I’m not sure what that’s about, or why they’re proud or I’m supposed to be impressed that they LIKE something that they, IMHO, OUGHT to like. My general opinion of this is that the more they go on about it–the more they REALLY, REALLY NEED TO STRESS TO YOU (NO REALLY, I MEAN IT, TRUST ME), about how good they are–the less likely the claim is to be true and/or the more hangups/issues they have about sex.

Oh, and for some reason I’m loving the image of three eager gay guys lined up on their knees in front of someone’s front door with little chef hats on.

It’s like a jolly little Disney cartoon image.

Except not.

I am loving the mental picture of the gay guys in hats…

I experience the same thing as a sex worker, and so do all the other working girls I know. Gentlemen do not read our profiles, which say things like “only call me, I don’t read emails,” or “only email me, I don’t read PM’s.” You know, basic information like HOW TO CONTACT THE WOMAN WHO WILL VERY PROBABLY HAVE SEX WITH YOU.

I put in my profile that I only see people who can phrase a complete sentence, and I still get emails that read, in their entirety:

“[city name]?”

And then I read the long string of indignant posts from guys who can’t get a woman to see them, even for money…

Re: Shodashi.

I didn’t say I hadn’t had good success with OKC. I’ve had outstanding success with it. I just don’t intentionally use it as a hookup service.

Now, what I expect to happen and what occasionally (to my pleasant surprise) /does/ happen are very different things.

And I have noticed a large poly contingent there, which is nice, and many people that are open to the poly lifestyle (or having a fling with a poly partner), even if they themselves aren’t currently actively pursuing multiple relationships.

What pervy dating site have you had luck with? I could use some suggestions.

Things that impress me: mention of books, sense of humor, shared interests, and good grammar and spelling.

Things that do not impress me: inability to type a coherent sentence, a one sentence message, and a profile that is near empty.

I have written careful, kind, polite, personalized replies… to ads on Craigslist, mostly, and all I’ve ever gotten back was, “OMG! I didn’t realize I’d get so many replies! Come visit my profile on SOME-PORN-SPAM-SITE.COM so you can get to know me better, and I’ll reply as soon as I’m able! See you soon!” boilerplate replies.

And forget AFF, it’s crap. All I get on OKC for matches are bi women looking for… women!

Bah. Dating sites are teh suck. The free ones are useless, and the for-pay ones are more useless, and expensive too.

Oh and as for the cock that has become so desperately hard that it is prehensile and able to type its own replies to personal ads, yes, I’ve been owned by one of those before, many times, to my great embarassment many years later.

Of course, replies written under such the blinding influence of bulbous, throbbing, bulging-veined cock don’t get any responses. But, as I said, the nice ones don’t either.

It’s all a numbers game, and, if you’re a guy, no matter how you play it, your choices are: lose, or lose. You pick.