In the beginning it seemed like a fabulous idea. I mean, what better time to be a completely different person than during a sex party, right? With that happy thought in mind, I resolved to color my hair. I resolved to color my hair purple. I reasoned that my hair could match my chemise, which could match my nails, which could match my eyeshadow.
I don’t get out much…have I forgotten the rules about matchy? Matchy’s good, isn’t it?
Please don’t turn me in to What Not To Wear.
So a couple of nights before the party, I applied a bleaching solution to my dark brown (and ahem gray) hair and wrapped my bad self up in a shower cap. Then I sat down to work while the bleach did its happy little bleaching thing.
Only soon, instead of feeling bleachy, my head started feeling hot. Really hot. I took off the cap and peered into the mirror. Yep, my hair color was fading fast, but my face color was, well, not fading. It was reddening. Near my hairline and all down the side of my face, blister-red welts were forming.
Quickly I rinsed off, but the damage was already done. I had straw-blond hair and some nasty chemical burns.
Undeterred by the pain, I prepared myself for the application of purple dye. I have indeed colored my hair before; in the past I’ve been pleased with the dye’s gellish nature, which kept it (mostly) on my head instead of dripping everywhere.
But the purple dye? It was not gellish. It was like water. In my desire to get the job done, I ignored the vivid purple splotches forming on my shoulders, neck, ears and hairline. I applied the dye until it was gone, then tried to remove the extraneous color from my skin.
But it wouldn’t budge. I scrubbed, I soaped, I greased up with oil, but nothing removed the torrents of purple splashed across my body.
Alas, thought I. But I took comfort in the thought that it was only skin. It would not stay stained forever. And at least I had purple hair!
But when I looked at my semi-dried hair, I saw not even a hint of purple. It was far, far different from purple. Was it bluish, you ask? Or reddish? Either of those might be mistaken for purple, especially by one as color-stained and chemical-burned as I.
Oh no. My hair was copper colored, and I don’t mean in the romantic sense that one might call reddish-brown hair coppery. I mean that my hair was the color of a new penny. It was this color.
Clearly this would not match my chemise.
Eventually I managed to scrub off most of the dye that had fallen on my skin, although troubling purple patches remained on the back of my neck where I could not reach. I re-dyed my hair, turning it back to an almost realistic shade of reddish-brown. And the chemical burns? Well, not much could be done with them in the 36 hours before the sex party was set to start.
I just hoped that when people saw me (sitting alone in a chemise that did not match my hair, neck bepurpled and face reddened), they’d keep in mind that no matter how ghastly my appearance, it would in no way detract from my ability to give a really great foot massage.
Or, you know, if the time was right, a damn fine blow job.
I use to always do my hair my self but now the girl that does my hair has the most awesome colors to use. After years of trying for what I think is the perfect red I now I have it. Though she is the first one who would really dye my white blonde hair red and not brown. At least your hair didn’t turn out polka dotted. Mine has in the past lol.
That is the single most optimistic thing I’ve seen all day. I applaud your determination to look on the bright side of life (and chemical burns)
Oh you poor thing!!! I hope it wasn’t too painful. I have to say that I am very lucky not to have to dye my hair as I have no gray at the age of 50….lucky genes!!!
Aw, that would have been amazing if your hair had, indeed, ended up being purple.
I actually have purple hair! Haha.
http://i49.photobucket.com/albums/f294/ittybritty13/16.jpg
Though, a professional stylist does mine. Try that next time!
By the way… where did you find a purple chemise? Now I want one to match MY hair!
Britni’s last blog post..You Think You Know But You Have No Idea
Oh, and if you ever want to try dying your hair fun colors at home again, try Manic Panic ( http://www.manicpanic.com/classic%20cream%20formula.html ). It’s the best for extreme colors, and tends to turn out the hue that you want. ;)
Britni’s last blog post..You Think You Know But You Have No Idea
OMG… that is hilarious… sad but… hilarious at the same stroke.
I went to a friends wedding and for a lark.. grabbed a bottle of 00X bleaching… (I have fairly light hair anyway… but…) after 30 minutes… I had white hair… paper white and it was fine like baby corn silk… and my face, scalp, neck… an angry welty red… just like you said… I looked a white fuzzed tomato! I was a hit though… Being one who can laugh at myself better than the rest… I had a ball.. especially when the drinks started flowing. yah, they were oddball friends too btw. Sorry your purple didn’t take… that would have been pretty… I love purple…
hugs,
PB
PB Zoom’s last blog post..I am sooo behind…
AAAGH!!! My eyes!!! How about a warning on that link up there!!! Sheesh!
I’m going to have nightmares tonight…
Rupert’s last blog post..Freak…
that link scares me
though i typoed scars which may be as true…
oh my miss… *laughing helplessly* good luck!
badinfluencegirl’s last blog post..rumble
try bleaching it the night before you dye it…..I’ve had the colour slide right off the bleached hair.
but this reminds me of trying to get my hair done in korea….somehow I ended up with bright yellow hair with orange bits. As if I didn’t stand out enough in my small Korean town. My light brown was their platinum!
‘b.’s last blog post..blah blah blah sentimental-cakes
Oh, you poor thing. Don’t go for the Manic Panic, it sucks. Try Special Effects. But good luck, whatever happens!
SJ’s last blog post..I Would Liveblog My IUD, Wouldn’t I? Yes, Yes I Would
I am certain you were a hit anyway, besides how much attention is your hair going to get at a sex party anyway… I think if you REALLY wanted to get people talking you should have gotten some purple fun fur or a fake purple wig and used it (with a little bit of spirit gum so it would stick) to give yourself purple pubes… I’d think folks would be asking each other “did you see AAG and her purple patch”?
Oh dear. Well, the good news is, I hear Carrot Top gives pretty good head. So I’m sure they were associating you with all the right things. :)
Marcelle Manhattan’s last blog post..I Fucked a Co-Worker
i’m supposed to be reading your blog in private
but my husband keeps coming over asking why I’m laughing hysterically
laughing with ya! not at ya!
Special Effects is the way to go! I use Electric Blue and its lovely, even when it fades it goes all different shades of purple (instead of the usual green that blues tend to go :/ ).
When you bleach your hair, put the bleach about an inch away from your scalp and let it work for a while, when your hair is almost done, then put it in your roots. The heat from your head activates the bleach a lot faster there, and it means its not in contact with your skin as long.
I’m sure people at the party barely noticed, you have plenty of methods of distraction!
Bleach is a bitch. I do my sister’s hair (She dyes the top half black, and the hair underneath we bleach and dye pink).
Last time we did it we left the bleach on to long…and it was not pretty. No chemical burns, but we did burn off quite a bit of her hair. Thank god she can’t see the back of her head, and that we as a family have incredibly thick hair.
And I once dyed my hair the same shade of orangey copper. Yeah. I had waist length brown hair. Two boxes of bleach did not turn me into a blond. I had to make that humiliating run to the store with all my hair up in a ski cap, in the middle of June, to get more dye from my friend.
We Blackheart’s feel your pain.
Wendy’s last blog post..Sugasm #120
I’m thinkin’ it all worked out in the end. Courage in the face of adversity is a turn-on. :)
Yep. I was right. Carrottop nightmares. You SO owe me…
Rupert’s last blog post..Freak…
Burnt copper _may_ become the height of fashion after this :)
I enjoy your writing a lot, but am very deeply troubled by your image linking abilities.
How does one come across that kind of picture?
Awesome punctuation for the narration. I’ll have nightmares too.
Precisely the reason I only let someone with a license color my hair. I’d manage to have chemical burns on my ass or worse…
I’m sure no one else noticed. Especially once you started the blow job.
Finn’s last blog post..In The Dark And Light
You bought the wrong stuff. The watery stuff is fors/AdobePhotoshop/ColorManagement/replace/01-beforeafter.jpg”>horses. You know, horses of a different color.
What you needed was a shampoo called Gee Your Hair Looks It Matches Your Chemise – available at Ribordy Drugs.
Haaaaaaa
You’re making me laff reading this tale. At least there was no question of you stopping at home on your own with a paper bag on your head! Great to hear, you were going to that party come hell or high water (or unexpected hair dye!).
I have had quite a few incidents with dying…including black skin, pink hair (I *hate* pink…it was supposed to be dark burgundy and ended up Gwen Stefani pink), I’ve had multi-colored hair, I once used “beyond the zone” blue, and it turned out GREY. Yeah.
I agree, special effects are good, or there are some brands I’ve only seen in Philly. If you want, I can ship you some. Let me know.
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LOL oh dear, I’m so sorry for your plight, but you told it so well :oD
Once I tried to bleach my black dyed hair and most of it snapped off into the sink. It took a couple of years to grow back and I look a bit like a marsupial for a while!
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Oh, dear! I have to second the recommendations of both Manic Panic cream and Special Effects – I’ve used both with excellent results. (Currently bright green.)
I fear bleach accidents mightily and thus am a paranoid freak when it comes to home bleaching.
Better luck next time!
For future reference (If you ever dare to do something like this again…) I find nail polish remover or some other alcohol-based astringent is the only thing in the world that takes errant hair dye off skin.
Surely you could have just bleached the chemise to match? And pretended the chemical burns on that were just sexy and cutting edge chic?
Z’s last blog post..The Naked Truth Has Moved
I once dyed my hair deep red. Only it came out a deep purple. The date i had 2 days later said I looked like Elmo’s cousin. Um yeah. At least I was no longer blonde with an orange streak down the middle (yes, just like a skunk).
I am somehow positive that it turned out well despite your unintentional body decoration ;)
Lustus Mihi’s last blog post..Nyquil Dreams
Hilarious! But you are definitely a trooper – by god you weren’t gonna let anything keep you from the sex party!
Um, and I too will be having nightmares about the carrot top link….but i guess its my fault since i clicked it.
Sometimes its totally worth the money to have someone else do the bleach/dye work on the hair…I’m just sayin
See? This is why I stick to my blonde hair, even if the gray begins to come in, I cn touch up the roots and it’s still my own hair color. I tried red one time and got two toned red and blonde. Oh so not good. Although my biker friends thought it looked cool. If only the stripes had gone vertically through my hair it would have been ok, but nooooooo the color just divided horizontally. Red on top, blonde on the bottom. Bad. Bad. Bad. For one whole day, and then back to blonde. I learned my lesson for now. But still, some days I long for crazy streaked hair. Only now I have a hairdresser friend who will do just that if I so choose.
~Storm’s last blog post..Life Gets in the Way…