Oral sex would be great of course, but my wife doesn’t like it. (If anyone has any ideas I could use to get her to reconsider I would be eternally grateful.)

As many contributers have pointed out, That’s not the real problem here. The relationship needs to be fixed.

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I agree that there are so very many factors that come into play here, but the reality is that half of this couple is done with the relationship. She just doesn’t know it yet.

When I was younger I lost all interest in sex with a boyfriend a couple of months before we broke up. I couldn’t explain it then but years later I recalled the very moment that I stopped trusting him which led to my big freeze.

I’m on the other side now. I often wonder how long it will be before she realizes she was done with us years ago.

What, does menopause give you dry mouth too? What’s wrong with her mouth? What’s wrong with HIS mouth?

Oral sex is a higher form of sex, a better orgasm, and I find it more intense and loving and hot than in-and-out intercourse. So why not enjoy that? What does a dry vagina have to do with it? Nothing.

This woman does not want to be married– at least not to this guy. That’s all there is to it. He should get out now. It’s over.

Also, first it was Mr. Smooth Vagina (great band name!) and now it’s Dry Vagina (also a good name for an all-grrl menopausal punk band). If this continues, then maybe this blog could be sub-titled: “The Vagina Textures”.

That being said, this woman needs a reality check. Because if she is “too young” for lube, “too insecure” to go to her Dr. and won’t use remedies because they are “unnatural” she’s crazy. Has she seen the things they use to preserve our food for the grocery stores? Talk about unnatural.

Personally, I think she is just making up excuses NOT to have sex with her husband. Perhaps he should stop wasting his and her time.
A wife who cared about their sex life would seek whatever means possible to remedy this. Or would find alternate means (ie:lube).

This is one thing I really hate. Is when people treat sex like it is such a closeted issue. Sex is a perfectly natural thing and we all do it, some of us do it with multiple partners, and that’s not to go into all of the fetishes. She is a grown woman, and if she goes in for her annual physical and PAP as all women should, she could just mention it at that point.
I feel sad for the guy but the wife makes me angry. The trivial, curable things people will allow to ruin their sex life! And people wonder why their spouses are driven to cheat.
I mean come on, a few moments of discomfort explaining the problem to her Dr. could end up with the return of a fulfilling sexual relationship with her husband. What is more important here?!?

It is very clear from your description. She doesn’t want to even try. It’s not about the vibes, or the lubes. She doesn’t want sex, and she doesn’t WANT to want sex! It’s so obvious.

I went through this with my ex. She not only didn’t like sex, she didn’t like being aroused. When I did manage to get her aroused, she found it an annoying sensation, and wanted to hurry up and have sex ASAP so as to be rid of it. She resented it whenever I did manage to turn her on. It screwed up her plans; threw of her schedule. She hated being seduced. Sex was an action item, very low on the priority list, and to be completed only in a well-planned time and location.

Am I bitter? Yes, I’m bitter.

But getting her to try anything was like pulling teeth. She just didn’t want to know about it. And, back to my point, she didn’t WANT to want to know about it. That’s a critical distinction and that’s certainly what I’m hearing through your description of your conversation about this gentleman’s wife.

He should leave immediately. That’s not a marriage, it’s a friendship, at best.

With me, I think, a few things factor in – hormones, definitely, are part of the problem, but also how we connect. We recently went through a very difficult time where he wasn’t connecting with me and wasn’t there for me – he didn’t even know that I needed him there for me. Women sometimes have a hard time expressing what we need – like we want our men to be sort of psychic and to be able to figure out what we need…I know…we’re all a bit loony LOL.

best wishes to you and your wife, though – I hope you get through it.

Pegging…look here –aag