Glittery

Heaven, if there is such a thing, must surely be a place where the serotonin flows at abundant yet consistent levels every day without fail. Today seems quite close to that ideal because of Earth-bound though wonderfully appropriate serotonin levels.

The world has a silvery glow. Everything I touch turns to pixie-dust shimmers of glittery loveliness.

So forgive, please, these extemporaneous burblings on the goodness of life. I may need to refer back to this post at some point in the future when the serotonin plummets and life once again feels bleak.

Today I’ve realized that I may just be the luckiest person ever. I get to take care of some amazing little people, a fact that seems even more astounding when I remember that at one point my womb felt as unproductively brittle as a dried flower bouquet.

On a day like today their antics, demands, fits and tempers seem manageable — nay charming even! The little girl’s efforts at peeing (on the floor, no less) make me smile with pride even though my back creaks as I bend to replace another pair of soaked panties and then scrub down the spotty carpet.

I can’t even briefly mourn the fact that I have no back-rubbing carpet-restoring lover in my life. Nope, not today.

I peek into the cupboards to contemplate cheerfully the food that’s there. Milk waits in the ‘fridge, frozen vegetables huddle in the freezer, and fresh bananas perch on a high shelf to avoid the grabby fingers which would squish them in a quest for stickers. All of this bounty was purchased at least in part with dollars earned through words. This is a lovely feeling.

Does it even concern me when great heaping mounds of snow rush from the sky, blocking my driveway and trapping us in the house? No, it does not concern me, because luck or fate or whatever provides a small tribe of opportunistic teenagers willing to free me from this snowy prison in exchange for a few bills and bowls of chili, which they down standing up in the kitchen, sweaty and spent for the day after shoveling twice as long as they’d originally anticipated.

Color me blessed. And grateful! And almost — almost! — convinced that providence watches down on me from above. But, you know, I don’t really believe that.

Because before the snow melts, before the groceries are eaten (or dropped on the floor, or flung at a sibling, or smeared into a shirt, or swirled down the disposal), before the peed on carpeting dries up again, before any of those things happen, the serotonin will once again drop and things will seem less glittery.

I just need to remember that on the next day, or maybe the next, I’ll go back to being the luckiest person ever. The glittery will return. It never stays away for long.

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