Comments on: Grueling

By: Southern Gentleman

Southern Gentleman — Sun, 03 Feb 2008 03:36:54 +0000

Divorce? Simple. Nothing to it.

Not exactly. All those years, all that effort … for what?

Best wishes to you, dear.

By: whatthechuck

whatthechuck — Sat, 02 Feb 2008 08:35:36 +0000

Hi AAG,

Fucking your exes, if the sex was good, is a divine pleasure– because while you’re doing the fucking, you’re having a feeling that you know you’ll probably never have again!

Of course, if your ex is a lame fuck, there’s no point– unless you need a reminder why you left in the first place…

XOXO

Chuck

By: aag

aag — Fri, 01 Feb 2008 03:32:27 +0000

What is with you people fucking your exes? Buncha pervs. :)

By: Pete

Pete — Fri, 01 Feb 2008 02:58:00 +0000

AAG,
I wondered about the questions as well during my divorce.
Pete

By: Sailor

Sailor — Fri, 01 Feb 2008 02:50:34 +0000

Feeling for you AAG, even though it’s desired and wanted, hard to have something that’s been a huge part of your life.

Sending hugs and good thoughts to you

By: Dee

Dee — Fri, 01 Feb 2008 02:38:48 +0000

My ex and I fucked after court the day of our divorce too. I think we were both sad, even though it was the best thing that could have happened. It was, interestingly, some of the best sex we ever had.

Hang in there, aag. It gets easier, I promise.

Dee

By: redheadeditor

redheadeditor — Fri, 01 Feb 2008 01:24:48 +0000

I can’t imagine f*cking my ex while we were married, let alone on the day we were divorced! (Except for the bend over and take it kind of screwing in the divorce) Been there, Sister. But luckily, I did not have to talk to a judge. It is not as “easy” as we are led to believe simply because we want it to happen. But it will feel so good when it’s over. Trust me.

By: Rex

Rex — Thu, 31 Jan 2008 23:20:22 +0000

Hi AAG,

I have been a poster before, and I have read every post you have written, even the old archived ones (thanks!). I know very well the scenario you describe. My lawyer’s office was a 10 minute walk on a beautiful sunny clear winter day from the courtroom 3 years ago. I remember it like it was earlier today. I wanted out more than anything in the world, but it was still traumatic to spend 20 minutes ending a 22 year affiliation. I remember how surreal it was to walk to the courthouse married and to walk back, unmarried. My heart goes out to you. It is never easy, even if it is what you want. Keep your chin up, and know that there is much love for you in the nebulous world of the Internet!

By: Skip

Skip — Thu, 31 Jan 2008 19:33:39 +0000

It’s not different for women. J9 is right. Even if you want it, it sucks ass (in a bad way). It sucks for everyone.

The good news is, it sucks for everyone, meaning you’re not a failure. You’re smack in the middle of the bell curve.

By: warriorofworry

warriorofworry — Thu, 31 Jan 2008 18:10:06 +0000

I don’t know if this helps any, but there are two reasons why you got asked those questions when the “paperwork [was] directly in front of both the judge and the lawyer”; first, to make a court record (and it’s knee-jerk, even if there wasn’t a court reporter or tape recorder), and two, to make sure that you’re the person who is supposed to be there (yes, sometimes spouses bring ringers for the actual divorce!). Your hesitation is natural. All concerned know, even if we forget to verbalize it, that the hearing is emotionally upsetting for most people. I’ve had clients do everything on the emotional gamut from breaking down sobbing to breaking out dancing. The judge and the lawyers know it takes two to fail at a marriage, and that it didn’t work isn’t a comment on you as a person. (And especially for you as a woman, b/c it seems to me that we often take “blame” in a way men don’t.) Please imagine those few minutes as a highly unpleasant rite of passage, and live your life well – the best revenge.