aag

17th Jan, 2008

Back in the Day

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It never fails.

At least once a day, a man (or woman) beeps me to ask if there exists a product which will fuck him (or her). They want something which will allow them to lie back and have the toy do all the work, whether “the work” is sucking, fucking or a wee lil’ bit of the ol’ ass luvin’.

This drives me slightly up a wall, because really, there’s no reliable contraption that will provide completely hands-free sex, at least not at a price that most people can afford.

I swear. Kids these days and their crazy demands!

Why I tell you, back when I was young I fucked myself with a sawn-off piece of hickory root wrapped up with a strand of poison ivy to cushion the handle.

After I walked to school uphill both ways in the snow.

And I thought I was lucky to have that!

Posted by: aag

Categories:

Responses

Have you seen this: http://www.blowfish.com/catalog/toys/sex_machines.html ?

Still pricey, but not nearly in the realm of the one you’re linked to.

By: Zoe on January 17th, 2008
at 12:10 am

OK, hands free wanking is just lazy, besides machines scare me. I have seen too many sci-fi movies. Even now I can see Number 5 running down the street with my wang in hand… “no disassemble!!!”

Having poison ivy on your lovely lady parts gives a good excuse as why you are always ’scratching’… eh?

hickory root…

DaNewb

By: Newb Writer on January 17th, 2008
at 12:39 am

I’m a-skeered of machines mommy.

By: Omnipotent Poobah on January 17th, 2008
at 12:45 am

At least you had your hickory! All I had was nautical equipment!!!

By: Rupert on January 17th, 2008
at 12:48 am

Rupert, you are such a nut!

By: aag on January 17th, 2008
at 12:55 am

lol, really glad to see your sense of humor poking out again!

By: verticaldancer on January 17th, 2008
at 1:06 am

I recall ransacking my room in a state of hormone fueled fury (at the age of 14) looking for something, anything suitable to aid in furthering my self induced pleasure.
I unearthed one of those giant pencils;)

By: secondaryeducation on January 17th, 2008
at 1:13 am

I would give anything for someone to want me to touch him. I wouldn’t waste the opportunity with dumb appliances.

By: lushlyme on January 17th, 2008
at 1:25 am

Pff…pure laziness. Where’s the fun in doing no work?
If I was being fucked by someone, I would damn well fuck them back, put in my fair share.

By: Nick on January 17th, 2008
at 2:34 am

‘Uphill both ways’, eh? Are you sure you’re not from Yorkshire? ;o) - see http://www.phespirit.info/montypython/four_yorkshiremen.htm

By: Slow Learner on January 17th, 2008
at 5:32 am

Well, they probably wouldn’t get nearly the thrusting power of the monstrosity you linked to, but would a thrusting vibrator help at all?

By: Ariane on January 17th, 2008
at 9:33 am

ROTFLMAO! :D

By: nitebyrd on January 17th, 2008
at 9:36 am

The Sybian comes as close as anything. For those of us living on the cuting edge of technology, I heard Honda is going to offer these options on this

Asimo:

1. Geisha Tongue
2. Linda Lovelace Throat
3. Jameson Pussy
4. Peter Northstar Penis

Haaaaaaa

By: Haaaaaaa on January 17th, 2008
at 10:01 am

Well, I’d buy it, but what about when I’d gotten tired of doggy style ? For that much money, it ought to be able to do at least 3 or 4 positions :)

By: Loving Annie on January 17th, 2008
at 12:51 pm

It’s not making one that’s the problem. It’s making one that some doofus can’t accidentally hurt themselves with. Can you imagine trying to defend your company in court? *chuckle*

By: Gadfly on January 17th, 2008
at 1:55 pm

Ya know… if they really get desperate, they can ALWAYS fuck the bedpost.
Perhaps their problem is what my problem is… You sometimes need an extra pair of hands. So… Use your feet.
:D

By: Darkneuro on January 17th, 2008
at 3:06 pm