aag

I HAD to tell you, I had a dream last night in which I had a penis. And I got head! It was pretty awesome. :)

I don’t really know what that says about my subconscious…..

Wow. Was that the first time she’d heard him explicitly call you someone he loved? I guess she came out from under an anaesthetized view of things, too.

I suppose if I were in her shoes, and knew that I had to leave my husband’s sexual fulfillment to someone else, I would not want that person to do so in a loveless fashion. Particularly if my own emotional relationship wtih him were strained.

But hell yes, I’d be jealous. I’m learning, the older I get, that I’m the most jealous person I know. It’s not sexy to be jealous. When you’re a pervert, a girl who sleeps around, it sort of breaks the rules. But I don’t really apologize for it, because people are complicated. This situation is complicated … and everyone is doing their best.

yup… we’re all confusing, contradictory and sometimes hypocritical. The beauty is to know that…

I, too, am much happier (wierdly enough) when my hubby is with someone else he actually cares about who cares about him… the thought of sex without that is rather icky to me, actually.

But, yes… it can tickle the insecurity bone.

And I say… so what? It’s yet another chance to remind myself that my emotions are not my ruler…

Or… a good opportunity to drink some wine and watch a particularly ridiculous movie that induces tears.. whichever.

M

Am I the only one that sees something odd in a divorcee macking on a married man. But loving you emotionally, he’s basically telling his wife she’s no good. No woman is going to be ok with that. If it were just sex then yeah. But actual feelings…nah.

So the first sentence should end in a question mark and “but” should be “by”.

Macking? :)

WOW. That he asked for you in such a vulnerable moment says so very much; more than the “L” word could ever convey on its own. But you knew that ;)

I never know what I will find when I log onto your site.
But I know I will read it thoroughly.

I enjoy your blog immensely.

Thank you for sharing, good and bad, naughty and nice.

thank you AAG

She may have been able to accept that her husband needed physical release and sexual gratification, but I am sure that she thought that his heart belonged to her. Once that’s gone to another, what’s left for her?

Nothing, really. I’m sure she’s dealing with that reality.

It’s hard to know what makes some folks stay together, isn’t it?

so, did they? (find any rodents in your pipes, that is.)

i think i’d be like your lover’s wife. if i could not physically provide for my husband’s needs, i’d be happy for him to go and have his physical needs met elsewhere. but for him to become emotionally attached to another woman suggests i wouldn’t be meeting his emotional needs either, and then what would be left of our marraige? that’s a tough situation, that is. (certainly not your fault, though, unless you can be blamed for being so wonderful. :-)

:P

Hardly feeling wonderful, but thanks.

No, they assured me that the pipes were rodent-free.

wow

that’s intense and i’m not really sure what to say. i did read all the comments on your selfish post and the vast majority of posts you’ve written about this man and to me the one thing that was never in doubt was that his wife came first in his heart.

this must have thrown him as much as she

i don’t know that the two of you will work through this, i feel his description of your coupling as briefly captured lightning feels all too accurate.

course i’m just on the other side of the screen

good luck my lady

She does come first in his heart. That’s never been in question. :)

hrm that wasn’t what i meant i think.

i think i meant that her insecurity must needs rule his decision making powers…

and were i she or someone who shared (which i may become but do not as yet know) i honestly don’t know if i could bear it if my lover ‘loved’ the one he was with. that might just make me feel too terribly insecure to bear it.

What does “come first in his heart” mean?

It might mean, she is his first priority.

In cases of folks having secret affairs, like me, the spouse may come first in the sense that the needs of spouse trump — my meetings and conversations with my lover can be subject to sudden cancellation if his wife or my husband needs him or I respectively. His wife is in some sense his first priority, and my husband is in some sense mine, though not so much that we don’t cheat.

My understanding is that in poly-circles the primary relationship is that which trumps in any inter-relationship conflict (how it may trump depends a lot on the individuals). That is another sense of first priority.

Neither of these are the same as first in the heart in my opinion. First in the heart is an emotional status, and it will change from time to time in a poly relationship. That’s why the notion of primary exists: to put a commitment in place that will last even in face of changing feelings and “new relationship energy”.

Arguably in my case my lover and I put each other first in our hearts, since both of us choose to behave in ways that would deeply wound our spouses were we caught. If our spouses were first in our hearts we probably wouldn’t be having the affair at all.

Yes macking.

Rita, I’ve always been a firm believer that the pussy/cock are connected directly to the heart.

Yeah, my pussy’s hard-wired to my heart, sigh.

There are many types of love. Most hearts and minds can handle quite a few at one time.

I don’t know why this made me think of it, really, or maybe I just don’t know why I feel the need to share, but it reminds me of the line in Thoroughly Modern Millie…

“She’s like a squirrel, storing away the nuts of life.” It’s probably just funny to me, but I fall out of my chair laughing whenever I think about it. :-)

The non-squirrel part was pretty intense…I’m with you though, I think I like to think I would be grateful for someone to provide that to my husband–but I really would just end up being too insecure.

As long as he’s going to be okay. I guess that’s all that really matters right? Plenty of time to fight over him later ;)

I can’t say I blame his wife for being jealous. He obviously has very intense feelings for you. The L word. For most of us it doesn’t come easily. Not the sort of word to be thrown around. He doesn’t seem the type to use it flippantly, so yeah, I bet it threw her for a loop as much it did you.

This is going to take some time to work through I think. But I guess the real question is the one that only your heart can answer. Is the feeling mutual?

kisses sweet girl

Her

oh dear…

I’ve been lurking for quite a while and THIS finally brings me out of the closet…

“MACKING”? Why… WHY have I been hearing this word again? I thought I left it in middle school!

Macking…. I can’t help but giggle.

P.S. I’d be totally jealous too. How could she not be? But I suppose it comes with the territory she’s chosen.

hmm…I love reading here, but I will never understand the multiple lovers ideal. Course I cannt understand how a woman or man that gets married doesnt want to make passionate love every night either.

I suppose I should feel happy for your lover for having a wife that lets him sleep around for some reason, though I will never understand it.

You’re hearing it again from me because I’m 18 and a recent high school graduate. And I hang around sailors all the time. Perpetual drunkenness stunts your vocabulary.

Hi AAG,

How did you think that would NOT happen?

The first step in self-realization is taking concrete steps toward objective reality.

XOXO

Chuck

God people are stupid sometimes.

1. If his wife did not want him getting emotionally involved with someone he was fucking, they should have arranged for a prostitute to handle the carnal duties. Because that is exactly what prostitutes do. You’re not paying them for sex, you’re paying them to go away afterwards. He might have told her he could handle it without getting involved, and then been blindsided when he found himself falling for you.

2. I’m and old and jaded and cynical enough bastard to know that his wife’s primary concern here is probably not some grand ideal about having love in her life or some special person or some other such emotional claptrap. The issue here is her SECURITY, plain and simple. She is afraid that if her husband becomes emotionally involved with someone else he will leave her for someone else and whatever support he provided to her will disappear. Probably her primary fear is losing his monetary support. I know that’s not always the case but it’s true in my limited experience of women.

3. His wife needs to learn that people are capable of loving more than one person at the same time. As long as she’s been reasonably good to him for some length of time, it’s doubtful he’s going to go traipsing out the door with the first lady he diddled with. And if he did, he’s a piece of scum she’d be better off without anyway.

I am poly and my husband is not. I think that it would upset me to hear him say he loved another woman because he is monogamous (both emotionally and physically).

Which is kind of hypocritical because I have a lover whom I adore and my husband knows it.

And prurientprude - I agree totally with your point #2. My lover will never leave his wife because of the security issue.

He called you a lesbian?