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Earlier this week I had implanted into my body a small device which I fervently hope will wrangle my hormones into some sort of compliance.
As is the case almost any time one is asked to strip from the waist and wrap up in a piece of paper, this was not particularly fun.
I laid back on a skinny table with my feet in the stirrups while my doctor determined the position of my uterus. It was found to be in the expected spot. Considering the tricks my uterus has played on me over the years, I was mildly surprised that it was there instead of hanging around up by my liver or something.
The doctor then cranked me open with a speculum and peered inside. I peeked past his shoulder to where he’d taken the speculum from a shelf and saw a whole gleaming pile of them, which I very briefly considered pilfering. I’ve always wanted one. It irks me when someone else can see a part of my body that I can’t see.
My plans for speculum-thievery were interrupted by the doctor’s call for a longer speculum. I wanted to ask him the meaning of this. Is my vagina now extra-long? Have I been stretched asunder? Must I redouble my Kegel-ing?
It seems that I have a cervix made of steel. On this day as on every other, it was closed up as tight as a bear trap. My doctor coaxed it open, painfully, as I tried not to flinch myself right off the edge of the table.
Once it was open, he released the device into me, sending an extra-sharp twinge through my body. He apologized to me profusely, which was nice even though it did nothing to ease the pain. But finally the procedure was done.
Since then I’ve felt the throb of my body growing comfortable with the device. At times it’s been a near-constant vicious thumping, then hours will pass without a twinge. I’ve bled off and on, sometimes soaking through two pads in an hour, sometimes only dripping morosely.
But now I think I’m getting used to it. The throbbing and the leaking are almost gone. Every so often a hard twinge brings me up short, but mostly, I’m getting used to it.
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***More super-duper-awesome Saturday Swag coming tomorrow!***



