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I’d gotten into the habit of calling Matthew on my way to the grocery store, because if I was going to the grocery store, it meant that I’d turned over responsibility of the children to the soon-to-be ex-husband, and if I’d turned over responsibility of the children to the soon-to-be ex-husband, it meant that I was stressed out. And annoyed.
One of the things that I most appreciated about him was that he settled me down marvelously when I was not handling things well with the stb-ex. I’ll miss that.
On this particular night, I was annoyed because once again the stb-ex had tried to pin the blame on me for something that…well, you’d have a hard time making a case that it was my fault.
That didn’t stop him. The stb-ex tried to put the blame on me, and because I don’t any longer bother fighting with him, I was bubbling over with the need to vent once I made my exit from the house.
On the phone, I explained to Matthew how I’d again had blame foisted on me by the stb-ex. He listened patiently. And then he pointed out to me that everything — everything! — was going to be my fault with the stb-ex.
The current price of gasoline? The spread of MRSA? School shootings? Wildfires? The fact that there’s a Bush in the White House? World War II? The kidnapping of the Lindbergh baby? The fall of Rome? The great flood? All those were my fault too!
Matthew, however, took responsibility for the Big Bang, which at the time seemed only fitting.
It finally dawned on me, calming down and joking with him, that if I could just accept that I would be blamed for everything that went wrong for the stb-ex, I would be freed from concern each and every time he threw the same old blame card down on me.
I arrived at the grocery store relaxed. I don’t remember specifically, but I’m certain that we talked dirty for just a moment. We may have bandied about our little “Daddy” and “baby” phrases. We promised to talk later. He said that he loved me. I said that I loved him.
I hung up and floated into the grocery store, happy and content in his love. I’m thankful for that lesson from my friend. Maybe it will stick in my head.
Certainly there could have been worse final phone conversations to have than this one, right?
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