aag

To quote Heinlein, “Tears have always acted like an aphrodisiac to me.”

Let ‘em come. It’s good for you. And its ultra good to have a friend you can shed them on.

You’re cleaning your inside while he helps to clean your outside.
… I guess he is helping to clean your insides too….

well, sometimes the only person i can hear is a man i would marry (so to speak) no matter WHAT all my friends and family say.

but sometimes, you need to hear it from the horse’s mouth.

let him decide if you’re fit, but you seem okay to me miss.

I am going through a divorce myself right now and can totally understand where you are coming from. I have days that I cry and can’t explain my reasoning behind it. Granted I am the one who wanted the divorce but it still hurts inside that something I lived with for 10 years has come to this. Don’t hold those tears back, let them out because the more you let them out the better you will eventually feel. Keeping all those old feelings pent up will only damage you over time. Get it out now and your partner is right, he is your friend too and deserves to hear your problems too. Keeping him out of them will only strain what you are building with him.

Keep your chin up, its a tough thing to go through but you will be a better person in the end!! :)

My divorce is teetering at the final stages and I can’t wait for it to be over at last. I also find myself completely taken aback (pleasantly) at the stark contrast with my previous two relationships.

My guess is that the tears are a transitional thing - sort of an emotional Spring cleaning exercise - and that you’re purging yourself of a decade’s-worth of misfortune. The more you cry the sooner it’ll all be gone :o)

‘The lover’ sounds like a thoroughly good man who understands you very well.

It’s grief. It’s normal. It’s expected. It’s OK…..

And as long as he understands, and he clearly does, that it is not about him, and that he needs to hold you and fuck your brains out, it’s fine.

Less worry about tears, more tears, that’s what I say. Let it out, grieve it, move on. The moving on takes a while to be completed. so be it.

hugs
E

First, I agree with the commenters. Let the tears come. Left inside to their own devices they fester and cause untold damages.

Secondly, I completely understand the crying in the shower thing. For me it’s about having someone tenderly wash my hair tho. I feel that is such an intimate moment. I’ve also been known to forgo an appointment at a hair salon after a terribly bad break up. I realized that in my fragile state anyone touching my head, which is connected to that intimate moment, would trigger torrents of tears.

I cry in the shower when I’m feeling really emotional myself. Something about the water raining down on you is really soothing, and if there’s someone washing your hair? Oy.

Your lover seems to know that it’s just something you need to get out, trust him right now. He’s doing what he can to be there for you.

you need time to heal. You are recovering from an emotionally barren marriage (at least with regard to the lack of affection from your stbx). I think anyone who cares for you (such as your lover) will understand and be patient with your re-introduction into “normal” relationships. It sounds like you have the perfect first partner to help you with this transition.

STB-ex needs to shut his trap. I don’t like anyone hurting my AAG.

Tears are good. Shoot, from the sounds of it, the STB-ex would have never washed your hair. How refreshing to be with someone who will show you that kind of tenderness.

Let it all out Dearie. It’s no good to keep that misery inside.

The shower is the perfect place to cry. And crying is good for you; it purges your soul. Tones your abs too. ;)

Crying can be more from happies and opening and all sorts of great reasons other than sadness. It’s like..things can be so wonderful and healing they overwhelm in gratitude. All one can do is let the feelings out the eyes. Release, relief, home, wholeness, sweetness, lovelies…..crying is great for all of them. Let ‘em rip.

I’m so happy for you. And so bloody happy you left the other guy. You have a wonderful guy..but then, that’s because you are just as wonderful.

But that’s why we call them lovers.
As opposed to ‘that guy I had sex with’.

Tears are good. They signal a letting go of something significant. And an opportunity for new beginnings.

That’s a beautiful thing babe ;)

Her

“What’s wrong?” the lover asked with concern as he finished rinsing my hair….

I admit to being baffled by that response, it seemed so obvious.

Then, I’ve been there.

Cry all you want … it does a lot of good … just like writing does.

When I left I cried for several days and then once in a while etc. I cried for my children and what I was putting them through, having to make them listen to the ex degrading me and not being there to let them know that what she said were lies.

I cried for the children, not her

AAG,
Your stb ex seems to be trying to prevent you succeeding on your own. As one who has gone through a divorce and my ex did the same to me, and still after 19 years has to say negative things to my kids about me. I believe that people who do this are trying to bolster their own ego. Your lover seems to recognize this as well. He seems to be a great person who supports you in this difficult time.
Pete

…At the risk of dating myself,,there was a song a very long time ago,,One of the lines in this song said “I’m gonna wash that man right outta my hair”..
Now,,If you have someone to HELP, with that washing,,So Much The Better,,Dont You Think?

No one is perfect. You just obviously weren’t perfect for each other. Too bad stbEx is being such a childish bastard about it.

Hang tough and enjoy the love.

It might take a couple of years for STB-ex to leave your system. Crying is better than diuretics. Though I often thought diuretics might be more… appropriate, considering the toxin.

Nothing to add, all your readers have said it- let the tears come, they’ll help wash the anguish and grief away.

And, let the lover do what he is doing best for you- loving you, in several ways. You deserve it, and he sounds like a wonderful, caring and understanding man.

It seems quite natural to me. The tears need to come. What a great place to have that happen.

You’re not broken. Or at least, you’re getting less broken by the minute. It’s healthy and natural to cry. Sounds like you’ve got a lot of pain to process.

I wish I would cry.

yeharr