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I’m having such an interesting time girling (that’s like manning, only…not) the Live Support Lines over at EdenFantasys. It’s really rewarding to put my freakishly extensive knowledge of sex toys to good use.

No matter how much I think I know, I’ve still got a lot to learn. I’m all over educational experiences, and wow has this been an educational experience. I’ve probably discovered more about sex toys and human behavior in the past couple of weeks than I learned in the first three decades of my life.

The vast majority of the folks I’ve talked to have been a real pleasure to help. It’s actually a lot of fun to take someone through the process from “I’d like to buy a toy but I don’t know which one,” to “Wow that one looks perfect—how fast can it get here?”

At some point I realized that the system EdenFantasys uses actually saves what you type, presumably so that you don’t have to type the same things repeatedly. After looking through my collected comments, I found that I’d entered any number of intriguing responses:

• There aren’t any stupid questions.
• Oh wait, I misread…YOU are the one getting the spanking. Sorry!
• No, Eden never repackages and resells used sex toys. That would be highly unethical. Not to mention GROSS! :)
• You might have to do a lil’ work yourself and have more fun.
• If you are having problems with itching, I’d suggest that you check with your doctor.
• Sorry, who is fucking whom in the ass?
• I’ve got three butt plugs on my desk right this very moment.
• Licking it should be just fine.
• Oh, you are a woman! My mistake!
• You’re sure she wants a dildo that big? Have you asked her?
• Well, I’d wash it thoroughly first to remove any residue from the manufacturing process.
• He could put them in or leave them out so that they would bounce against the perineum.
• If he’s never had anything in his ass before, you’re going to want to start with a toy smaller than 2 1/4″ across.
• Or you could try a realistic pussy/ass combo.
• Trust me on this one. Really.
• I cannot discuss this topic with you.
• Lube’s really not optional with this toy.
• It’s actually packable and fuckable!*
• Yes, 12″ long would be just about the longest dildo available.
• What were you planning on doing with it?
• I’m bi. Mostly. I think.
• That’s a lot to ask for from just one toy!
• I’m sorry, why do you need to know how large my man’s penis is?
• I’m female, so I’ve never actually tried a pocket pussy. But I would if I could!
• You could make it ejaculate water, milk, juice…really any thin liquid.
• The effects of that would be VERY temporary.
• I wouldn’t suggest that you do that.
• Yes, please be blunt. Blunt is good.
• I have but one vagina and so little time for all the toys.

I might just possibly have the best jobs in the world. Feel free to stop by and say hello sometime. I’ll get you all fixed up.

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*My new pal Essin’ Em answered all my questions about packing.