The house is about as clean as it possibly could be, considering that a swarm of small children live here.
The stb-ex’s things still have not completely finished their migration to his new abode, a fact that simultaneously irks and exhausts me. I’d resolutely swore that if his things hadn’t skulked away by the start of this month, I would pack them up myself and carry them to the garage. I mentally blew hot air about charging him a monthly storage fee for this privilege.
I’ve yet to implement this scheme. Suppose I should get moving on that one, eh?
My bank account ended the month in the black. The egg incubates unmolested. This is a good start but hardly indicative. Things will get harder before long, as some bills have not yet shown up on my radar.
Property taxes, for example. I may need to sell some of my kidneys when it’s time to write that check.
Anyone need some kidneys? Mine are fresh and juicy. Email me, ‘kay?
All things considered, I’m right pleased about how the first month of spouselessness has gone. It’s certainly not been easy; at times my head has felt on the verge of certain collapse from the stresses of working, fielding complaints from little ones and trying to have some degree of a grown-up life, but for the moment it’s all more or less hanging together.
There’s hardly been less work. In fact there’s been far more work without the assistance of a partner, even a partner who often provided such grudging assistance as did mine.
But here’s the thing: I can now go about my tasks without the grim presence of him lurking on the couch or in his bedroom. I can zip around doing seventeen things at once without him asking, “Do you have to do this right now?”
Now I don’t have a huge mental struggle over every task. When he was here, I had to decide if I should ask him for help, which would often bring on a fit of pique from him. Or I could choose to do it myself, which often would bring on a fit of resentment from me. I’d run through that struggle multiple times each day when he lived here. Whichever choice I made, it wasn’t comfortable.
Now I just do what needs to be done. There’s no question about whose job it is. It’s my job. They are all my jobs, and it feels great (but exhausting) to be doing them all myself.
And now on to the second month.
Woot! Woot!! *Fist pumping in the air*
Way to go AAG. Change is hard no matter what it is. And it sounds like you’re taking it on with gusto.
The first month is the hardest. You have to get used to being the only grownup around.
I particularly hated those nights when I was kidless — it got so incredibly quiet. I didn’t know what to do.
Congrats on the freedom!
Godspeed. You are a good person and many people who read you send you their good wishes.
Please use your lawyer to help share your financial burdens with STB-X. Don’t go it alone.
In case you’ve noticed, I’m sorry I’ve neglected to comment recently, my latest post is about what’s going on. I hate to miss reads here, because they are all so good.
Best,
Haaaaaaa
Time to hire that skip (trans. dumpster) and fill it. Say you’ll even make sure that it’s covered from the elements to protect the contents.
Let him know when it’s coming and when it’ll be taken away and then leave the whole thing up to him :o)
AAG, I am going to forward this post to my mother, who has just gone through a divorce to her husband of 25 years. (My stepfather.)
The freedom you describe, in its paradoxical solitary ease, echoes exactly what she describes. You can be you, now. No eggshells or egos to tread. I’m really happy for you, even as you wistfully close this chapter of your life. Best–
Mmmmmm kidneys.
Wonderful grilled on toast.
And remember whose idea the skip/dumpster was
Jim
Its nice to have your own space to do whatever you like in, even with the finacial difficulties that come with it.
And re the last post, I think you should have told your doctor, though, about the excessive physcial strain on your back – no doubt she’d have grinned when you told her!
Congrats on the month. Drink some sparking water and watch the leaves fall.
I don’t need a kidney but I could use a couple other parts you have! LOL (Like you don’t get that a lot….LOL even more!!
YAY! for you.
Dear Joseph,
Don’t think I haven’t thought about selling those parts too.
:)
Sell *some* of your kidneys? How many have you got? ;)
Congratulations on getting through the first month in the black.
If I can think of some sort of scheme in which to make money while not doing much of anything other than my daily routine, I’ll fill you in! ;)
I gotta say AAG your ex is was a real asshole it seems. Im a lazy fucker but shit I still ask and help when its requested.
I gotta ask though why arent your realestate taxes not rolled into your mortgage? Sure your monthly payments go up but you arent paying multiple tax bills at once. We get city taxes from our main city and the lil minisuburb city we live in, then we get taxed for county taxes.
Anyway congrats on your new life.
I suppose they could be…but the idea is that the real estate tax money should sit in my account earning interest instead of the mortgage company’s account.
Oh, I’ve got an overabundance of kidneys. I’m all about the kidneys. :)
You told yourself you’d have his stuff taken care of and out to the garage no later than the 1st… Did you tell him?
If not and you want it out without having to do it yourself:
Tell him “Your stuff has been sitting here since Xday. I’d like your stuff out of the house by the [insert date] (give him 10-15 days max. No longer). If it’s not at the very least packed in boxes and out in the garage neatly (mark him out a space to use), I’m either going to absorb this stuff back into the household or throw it out or give it away or offer it to the gods as tribute or sell it at a garage sale.”
And then stick to it. We’re having to do that with Sic_un’s last roommate.
Good for you, AAG- enjoy the feelings, and congrats on passing a month milestone.
Applauding here. Having to do it all yourself can feel rewarding but it takes a toll on you. Plan a weekend break every month, sans les enfants and it will do you a world of good … mentally, physocally and sexually I guess (LOL)
I forgot to put in my first responce call him and give him a week to get it, if he doesnt pitch that crap.
I am in the process of a divorce myself and I know exactly how you feel except I am the one moving out but I am not taking my time with my move. I can’t seem to move out of there fast enough and get away from her. Every time I am there she has to create some sort of drama so she can yell at me about some made up thing. It is nice to be at my new place of living and be able to work on what I want without the 10,000 questions of why I am doing it and why am I not doing things for her all the time. I am learning what it is like to be human again and learning who I AM for once in my life. Good luck with yours, hopefully in the end it all works out the way you want!!
AAG,
It was great to read this post. Having been a woman who decided to end a 10-year marriage for numerous reasons, I can completely understand how empowering it can be to depend ‘only’ on yourself and even though it can be overwhelming at times, YOU never let yourself down.
It feels good, doesn’t it. :)
-Pixel