Choose truth rather than peace of mind.
~Chet Raymo
In my late teens I started a notebook in which I collected little bits and pieces that seemed relevant as I read them. I wrote down things I knew I’d otherwise forget if they were marked only with a turned down page in a book or a scrap of paper tucked in a drawer.
As one notebook deteriorated or otherwise no longer met my needs, I transfered things into newer books. Currently the notebook is actually a loose-leaf binder; it’s an appalling mishmash of typed quotes, scrawled phrases and scraps torn from periodicals.
Often something ended up in the notebook when it seemed particularly relevant to a current situation in my life. If I weren’t so completely random about it, I suppose I should have written things in order, perhaps even with dates!
As it is, the scraps bounce back and forth through a period of a couple decades, but as I look through the book, it takes my breath away to remember with such clarity why I wrote down certain quotes.
The sentence at the start of this post is different. I have no idea when I wrote it down. I have no idea from whence it came. It ended up in my book because I wanted to remember it, but it didn’t seem particularly relevant to any situation when I found it.
It seems relevant now.
It seems relevant now because not long ago, I was told the truth by a friend and it completely blew me away. I walked around for a couple of days in a numb funk (a number and funkier funk than the one I’m usually in, m’kay?) before the truth was able to sink into my heart.
For those days, I so didn’t want the truth to be true. I did the typical dance of declination, wherein I thought up a thousand reasons why what I was told could not possibly be true. I wanted to go back in time to before I knew, when things were normal. I wanted to be deluded.*
By now enough time has passed that I’ve accepted the truth. We’re working on a new kind of normal now, one of complete honesty. I hope.
The truth actually came from a stranger, someone who popped into our lives briefly, delivered to me the truth and then left us to sort out the pieces.
This particular truth isn’t pretty. In fact, it’s exactly the opposite of what I’d hoped for. I know the person who originally wasn’t honest with me wishes that the lie could have stood forever, but I’m not. He wishes that the person who forced the truth into the open would have stayed stayed away from us forever.
But I’m grateful to that person, in a weird sort of way. It’s a relief to know, because I had (or at least wanted to believe I had) an inkling before that something was wrong.
I’d much rather know the truth, no matter how painful. I had some degree of peace of mind before; now I have the truth. I hope that eventually I’ll get to have truth and peace of mind all wound up together in a pleasant little bundle.
I probably won’t have complete peace of mind until I’m certain that I have the complete truth.
******
*”I continued to disbelieve my eyes. But it was thrill to be deluded in such a high-quality way.” Life of Pi, Y. Martel
Truth, or at least the approximation of it, carries great responsibility. This is why so many people would rather avoid the truth. If I could go back and be happy in my delusion, I would.
Problem is, once you peek behind that door, it will never close again.
It’s thrilling now, but it ain’t easy. And don’t expect people to be thrilled with the truth, or at least in being asked penetrating questions. It is much less populated here…no more fairie tales, no more new-age crap, no more “you are the only one for me,” and no more accepting things without question.
But there is REAL beauty here.
good lord. it doesn’t sound good at all, but I hope you’re OK.
Like other ppl have said in previous posts, your own experience and perceptions have value, and no other opinions or *truth* mean it wasn’t/isn’t real. Experience IS worthwhile for its own sake.
Ive never commented before, but I love your writing. Ive gotten alot out of it, and am waiting for the next chapter(s) .. take care
Don’t be ridiculous, of course I’m ok.
:)
In my experience, knowing the Truth is highly over-rated. I am firmly in the what you don’t know won’t hurt you camp. Being an ostrich at the right time can be a Good Thing. Until it isn’t. And that doesn’t bear thinking about. Ahead of time, anyway, because if it will come, it will come, so carpe diem.
Carpe diem, and fuck everything else.
Radical Honesty: http://www.esquire.com/features/honesty0707
I’ve always found honesty is best, but it can be used as an excuse to be mean… (but then most anything can be used as an excuse…)
AAG,
Truth is everyhting. That and fact. And while it is oftentimes excruciatingly hard to face, and accept, and put into a proper persepctive, it can also ultimately free you because, cliche as it sounds, knowledge truly IS power.
Understanding how your life has fit together, understanding who someone really is, understanding how something happenned with your own (unwitting but nonetheless existing) cooperation — all of those things begin to give you the awareness of the choices you will choose to make from here on out that work most effectively for you.
Use the information you have been given. Use it to know what kind of friendships or intimate relationships you will embrace, which you will tolerate, and which you will decline.
Truth strengthens you. It enables you to make decisions that will protect you in the future.
And being willing to face it, even if it takes a while to get there, means that in the future, you will be able to face it even faster – and be hurt less because you have the hard-earned wisdom.
Ask until you know everything that you need to.
Then take you time, assimilate your information, and know that bottom line what matters the most is you taking care of you.
Maybe confronting the other person is what you will want to do.
Maybe realizing they aren’t worth your time is what you will decide.
(Liars are utimately self-destructive, and many of them do it as a life-style, without taking responsibility for it, having no conscience and less remorse.)
Hugs,
Loving Annie
Honesty is a hard to find quality. Too often
you find out that something that someone or people think about you when for years they said nothing.
Many people I deal with use
False
Evidence
Appears
Real
as their guiding principle.
I have to say, your ability to write about concepts without the events to which they attach is awesome. The truth is, you have a gift and I’m glad you share it with us.
Oh, and the other truth, sometimes truthiness is a good compromise.
Hi AAG,
Well, I think you know how I feel about this– some truths are TRULY better kept under wraps.
But hey! There’s a great, relatively new, funny movie about it:
Sleeping Dogs Lie
written by Bobcat Goldthwait
That will fit in with this particular blog entry.
XO
Chuck
We all have bones in our closets….lucky for him you aren’t afraid to face them.
XX
Truth always plays well in reality.
Having spent to long ignoring reality, I find that now, when I want nothing more than to know the truth, it’s not always an easy thing to get, nor to accept.
But, I’ll still take the truth.
truth and honesty are two things i value…because those are the two things that i never get….
xoxo
The quote, my dear, is from Chet Raymo, a scientist and writer who loves to debunk the creationist theory of evolution. I imagine some essay he wrote….I just happened to have heard about him lecturing here in Chicago last month.
A little too intellectual, I know. I just thought you’d like to know.
Right, you know, ’cause we don’t need no damn inta-lect-shulls hangin’ around these here parts!
:) Thank you Ron!
See….I love to fuck and play with women who have a brain. That way, you don’t need to explain much….you just want to share it all! And you obviously have all that and more…..:)
Truth is a highly subjective commodity.
What’s one person’s truth is another’s complete and utter bullshit, especially in the area of human relationships. So be sure that what you’ve been fed, by someone who swanned into your life and then out of it, is the truth, and not just the product of an overwrought imagination.
Truth and peace of mind? I feel that until I have the opportunity to speak with the Dalai Lama that having both at the same time will elude me.
I appreciate your thoughts on the subject. Thank you for sharing.
As has been mentioned above, truth isn’t an absolute, it’s personal and relative, as is proved by the multiplicity of conflicting religions on this planet.
In spite of what they say most people who say that they value truth highly still deliberately tell the most ridiculous and outrageous lies when it suits them, the most blatant example being the whole Father Christmas nonsense that’s fed to trusting children.
So, what it comes down to, in my opinion, is to treat others with courtesy, respect and consideration, with an eye to what one could reasonably defend as the ‘least bad solution’.
Truth is valueable due to it’s rareness.
Truth is elusive due to it’s subjectiveness.
Truth is absolute, yet ever changing.
Truth is gold — it’s valuable, expensive and heavy.
The truth often sucks. There are many day’s I’d far rather live a lie.