The other day, a sweet reader named Annie left me this question:
“…Anal sex seems to be all the rage. Is it really worth it? As a woman, you are obviously able to compare with vaginal sex. I mean, is it not a fad…? Why would a woman need anal sex, when she’s got a vagina, the ideal self-lubrified device that mother nature specially crafted for the purpose?”
Dear Annie,
Anal sex may be all the rage, but it is not for everyone. If it squicks you out to think about it, you shouldn’t do it. You especially shouldn’t do it with someone who tells you that everyone else is doing it.
‘Cause someone who tells you that is just trying to pressure you, and asses don’t respond well to peer pressure.
Anal sex might be a fad; I can’t answer that question. I have no idea. Let me tell you what. I’ll keep on having anal sex for the next 50 years, and then I’ll get back to you on whether or not it’s a fad. Do we have a deal, Annie?
Now as far as “needing” anal sex. Do you mean would your average woman die without it? Of course not. Humans need physical contact, emotional bonding, and a healthy dose of lurve, but all that can be obtained in ways other than by putting something up your ass.
And sure, Annie, you’re right; the vagina does generally self-lubrify (love that!) quite nicely. It does a wonderful job of welcoming in hard cock and (in my experience, at least) it seems to enjoy the presence of hard cock immensely.
Shall we summarize? Anal sex could be a fad, and it’s certainly not something you need, because (as you so rightly point out, Annie) the vagina is a right nice place for sex.
But sometimes, sometimes we do things not because we need to, but because we want to. Because we really REALLY want to. Because for months or even years, we’ve wanted to. Because something deep inside our tiny reptilian brains screams out in a voice that cannot be ignored, “Penetrate my bottom!”
And if you are wise, if you love your ass (and why wouldn’t you love your ass?) you will listen to that part of your brain, because (and this is the secret) ass sex feels really great to some people. It feels really great to some men and some women. It feels really great to some straight folks and some not-straight folks.
It doesn’t feel better than vaginal sex, nor does it feel worst than vaginal sex. It just feels different. It feels different in the same way that oral sex feels different than vaginal sex. It feels different in the same way that blue looks different from red. It feels different in the same way that lasagna tastes different from steak.
None of those things are intrinsically better or worse. They are just different.
If you are among those folks for whom anal sex feels really great, you’ll know what I mean, Annie. You’ll know exactly why it’s worth the effort to prepare your ass (and your mind) for anal sex. You’ll know exactly why you devote the time to working with your partner toward anal sex.
You do it because buttsex feels really great, and it feels really great to share that really great feeling with your partner.
And the only way you’ll know if you are one of the folks who loves anal sex is if you try anal sex.
But Annie, please don’t have anal sex until you know you want to try. When you are ready to try, a small voice in your head will start begging. You’ll be enjoying your traditional sexual activities when suddenly you’ll hear, “Play with me, please!”
And you’ll discover that it’s your ass begging for attention. If that happens, consider exploring buttsex.
If that never ever happens, don’t worry about it. There are dozens if not hundreds or even thousands of other quite wonderful sexual activities you can enjoy without ever bringing your ass into the mix.
Does all this help, Annie?
Readers, any other suggestions for Annie? Leave them in the comments, please.
I think you said it very well, AAG.
Anal sex is something that you usually learn to accept, to want, to be curious about, and then, if you have a wonderful partner who goes very slowly and you are lubricated and relaxed enough, and he goes from small things like a pinky finger or a tongue before he moves on to bigger things like a butt plug or his penis, then it can become a very welcome experience, and finally one you absolutely crave and enjoy hugely….
It is like enjoying different kinds of food, or soft drinks – or positions in bed… Just something that adds variety to an already safe playground between you and the person you love.
I wanted nothing to do with it for my first 15 years of having sex. Thought it was dirty/unnecessary/it hurt, etc…
Finally I allowed someone to try while we were making love doggy style. While he was in my vagina, he gently teased my bottom with a lubricated finger…. Once I relaxed — and eventually I did — I quite liked it…
And from then, my curiosity grew…
Now, I want it almost as much as I love vaginal sex… Different, exciting, and I know what will feel comofrtable and what positions won’t… And how to relax, and what sort of lubrications helps, etc….
Good luck Annie ! I hope your partner makes it very very good for you if you ever decide to try !
Well said, AAG. Anal sex is like anything else in the sexual universe: try it once, and if you like it keep experimenting with it. If you don’t, then stop there. Don’t worry about fads or fashions. You are having sex, first and foremost, to please yourself.
Wow, I think this post lost all its replies – last I checked there was about 26 and now they’re 2. Darn shame, there was some great comments added! :(
Yes, there was a problem with the database. Several days’ worth of comments and a week’s worth of already-written posts were lost, dagnabbit.
:)
Thank you so much, dear Aag, for your long and interesting answer! And thanks also Loving Annie, Cherry and Brian..
I am just curious about anal sex at this early stage of my sex life. I read a lot about it, and this blog is my favourite (You’re a GOOD writer, Aag!).
I was puzzled to read on different sites that some women claim they actually PREFER anal to vaginal sex!
It seemed so incredible, and I wondered if there was someting wrong with their pussies from the start…
Vaginal sex for me is SO good, so obvious, so effortless!
But who knows, maybe one day I’ll try the other way, out of curiosity…And I’ll follow your detailed instructions!
Love,
Annie
ANNIE,
I wish you’d been able to read all the responses before my little database melt-down. There were many, many more, but most echoed that it can be wonderful to some people but it’s by no means necessary.
:)
I’ve had anal with a few partners—some who were careful with me and some who were not. I never really enjoyed it. I’d given up on it, but my current partner wanted to try it for the first time and out of my deep love for him and desire to let him experience anything and everything his 33 years of repression haven’t allowed, I agreed.
The first time it was okay. The second time it was okay. The third time? I saw fireworks. I didn’t have an orgasm, but I definitely enjoyed it.
It’s not something we do very often, but it is something we enjoy when we’re in the mood for something a little dirty. (Not literally dirty. Ahem.)
Well, my comment now lost, was simply a response to the question of “is buttsex worth it”?
Yes.
Up until recently I was on the same boat as Annie. “Why?” I read AAG’s fabulous how-to’s, thought it was interesting, but not something I or my partner (I asked) were interested in. Maybe someday, but not now. I just didn’t feel the need or have a strong enough curiosity.
Then a certain night ago, we wound up experimenting and it was pretty damn fun. Not something that’s gonna be a daily occurance, but fun enough for both of us to add it to our list of variety.
As a long-time lurker, first time commenter, Thank You AAG! (despite the fact that we completely skipped your steps to good buttsex, I’m still glad I read them!)