Because of all the other fun things I’ve been doing lately, I’ve hardly had time for masturbation.
I know, this is unprecedented! I’ve quite literally never had enough sex that I could (almost) forgo masturbation! It’s awesome!
Please don’t hate me. Even with all the fabulous sex I’ve had this year and especially in the last few months, my lifetimes averages are still nun-like. But a couple more years like this and … eh. Let’s not get carried away.
Last week found me horny in a way that I haven’t been in quite some time. There was no chance of fun with my friend for days and days, but Babeland saved me. They had just sent a new toy for me to test for Jane’s Guide, so I plugged it in and settled into bed.
Plugged it in? Did you read that correctly? Yep, the toy I requested from Babeland is a plug-in vibrator. Go look, if you didn’t before. Isn’t it wonderfully retro? Doesn’t it look like what you stumbled upon (and then puzzled over) in your mom’s medicine cabinet when you were a kid?
If you recall, I have a not-so-great history with plug-in vibrators. I hated the Hitachi. It was … ah, I don’t even want to think of how horrible it was. I hoped and prayed that the Wahl would be different.
And it was. It vibed my clit so gently, so thoroughly, so lusciously that I barely even remembered I had live electricity between my legs.
Then when my friend’s voice on the phone urged me to come (what, didn’t I mention that there was phone sex involved?), the Wahl delivered the most amazing orgasm.
The orgasm was a kind I’ve never felt before. It was the kind of orgasm that knocks you down and takes your milk money. The kind that demands the top bunk and then makes you her bitch. The kind that gives you a wedgie and short-sheets your bed.
And then kisses you on the cheek, calls you her BFF and skips merrily off.
I came and came from the ministrations of the Wahl and the voice of my friend. I gushed like a geyser. I knew there was a whole buncha gushing going on, but it’s hard to tell exactly how much gushing you are doing when your vibe is tickling you so hard that you have to scream “uncle.”
And when I could come no more and gush no more, I found myself completely cream crackered. I couldn’t move. My head ached to the point that my friend thought I should consult a physician*. I had to roll off the bed and kneel on the floor for five minutes before I could assess the damage.
You know how big your typical large pizza is? About this (**holding out hands**) big? Yeah. That was the size of the gushing-puddle the Wahl coaxed from me.
Good Lord. I’m shameless! I’m gonna need some of these if I plan on orgasming with the Wahl outside of my own house!
Guess that’s what I get for not getting myself off in weeks and weeks and weeks.
*******************
*Later I googled instead of going to the doctor; apparently wicked headaches after intense orgasms are not all that uncommon.
The kind of orgasm that knocks you down and takes your milk money.
Brah-voh. Oh well done.
And yep, I’ve had an orgasm like that, that gave me a headache for about half an hour afterwards. Thought I’d had an anuerysm. But it was my third of the day…
Hey, how did you know my mom had a wahl?
One year for christmas, one of the grown up grabbag gifts was a ‘back massager’. It caused almost as big of a fight over who the proper owner of the gift was as the roasting pan from the year before.
It took me a few years to figure out why.
Wow, great description, really felt it too.
My wife and I have just rediscovered a clit clip we bought a few years ago, tried to make it work back then and couldnt.
We got it to work this time, and, well… it was wow too, havent seen my wife with such an expression of pure bliss.
Also, no batteries or cords, we’ll never look at a paper clip the same way again
Ooooooooh!
I ordered it right now! At work even! At present I have one sort of like it from Walgreens, but it’s old. And loud as all hell.
I’ll take your recommendation on this one. I could use a couple dozen of what you were having.
:)
That whal is my wifes fav…
I had one of those, well, a long time ago. It was awesome and worked for years. Until it got so loud it couldn’t be used anymore without having the neighbors think we were doing construction.
Maybe it’s time for a new one.
Eve
Ooooo. Ooooo. I see a new purchase in my future.
It should be incredibly quiet. Quiet enough that you could barely hear it from arm’s length.
:)
Ohhh, the screams that will be heard from my home!
Thanks for zee advice ;)
I keep meaning to buy something like that for the wife. Im just not sure she would use it. After 13 years of marriage she just recently admited she even masturbated at all. I knew she had to, but it was a big step to admit it. I will be honest Im afraid of some of the toys you have reviewed though. Would hate to be replaced lol.
A toy will never replace a human being, I can assure you.
:)
i like that lolly will make more noise than the toy…
okay miss how do you get in on this jane’s guide review thingamabobber?
*g*
oh and clipper? what she said. the one thing a toy can NEVER be is warm and alive and UNPREDICTABLE!
The wahl was my first ever vibe, and I used it quite happily for several years. But I reached a point after that when it no longer hit the spot, and I had to move up to the hitachi. At least that still hits the spot. I don’t know what I’ll do when that no longer does it for me.
Well if you’re a gusher the hitachi supposedly could do more than hit the spot…like perform about as well as a toaster in a bathtub. So the hitachi I will not be getting for the wife.
AAG already gushed gallons usuing the wahl and no ill effects so it seems like a much safer option.
This is the very first vibrator I ever owned! And still one of my all-time favs. Something naughty about the way it is often touted (is that spelled right?) as a “back massager” helps too. And despite years worth of abuse it still hums away producing the most dizzying of orgasms…maybe it’s all that electrical current.
I give it (and your description) an A+!
I begrudge no one any amounts of sex…I am just trying to get my own average up! I have to say that the Wahl looks surprisingly like the base to a manicure set my mother had in ’70s… hmmm
hehehe… oh I do love these
wait until you use it on him… hehehehe
Dear Lushlyme,
Baby, I don’t think that was a manicure set…
:)
Wow!
maybe you should think about depriving yourself occasionally, if you can bear it, just to enjoy these literally mind blowing ‘gasms more often. teehee ^_~
Shay,
Now that’s just crazy talk!
‘Cream crackered’?? You and your crazy Cockney Rhyming Slang :o)
SL,
I put that in JUST FOR YOU!!!!!
Review = great.
Thanks for the info on the headaches. I get some WICKED migraines after really intense orgasms, like, can’t do anything other than ice head and sleep in the quiet dark for 4 hours headaches. I had heard something about this, but the info is much welcomed :)
-Essin’ Em
wow and oh my, and way to go, AAG ! That was QUITE the toy wasn’t it ??? Or maybe just quite the phone sex :)
We should all thank Thomas Edison for discovering electricity.
those piddle pads you linked to… are you for serious? at first glance, i thought it funny, but after some thought, my girl does experience *a lot* of wetness, and now it seems like a good idea! so tell me, did you mean this in earnest or jokingly?
Why not?
They also make incontinence pads for adults. I’d imagine these are similar to the pads they put under newly-delivered women to catch excess blood.
I’ve heard of folks these things for purposes of squirting containment, and after having spent a night in a bed that SOMEONE ELSE gushed all over, I can attest to the necessity to such an item.
:)
wow, thanks for your prompt reply!
she sometimes feels embarrassed because of her extreme wetness (thank goodness for mattress protectors), but i tell her it’s normal and nothing to be ashamed about. i was trying to think of a solution because i was running out of clean bedsheets, and this is the inspiration i needed! thanks again! :) :) :)