aag

I know why the last one bothers me. I don’t trust anyone who doesn’t know the difference between you’re and your. And HOT only has one T.

Okay and seriously he wants to have some fun!

Oh goodness… those just crack me up!

“Busy Guy” is still dreaming that sexy underage nymphs are dying to cook for him, clean for him and be fucked by him.

In short, a dating site classic ;)

Actually, AAG, posting these is a little cruel. These guys can’t help being stupid and/or ill-informed and/or confused and/or downright icky, because that is what they are.

Anyway, there is a reason for the delete button. It is the unfortunate, the stupid ugly failures, not the desirable, that need compassion after all.

Though I must fully admit to smiling through all of your dating messages compilations. They *are* funny. But also, rather sad.

Not cruel at all. Funny, yes! Sad? Not so much but pathetic is a good way to describe them.

It’s the myspace/text messaging world of dating. Hang out at the local bar with a decent band and watch the twenty somethings. Dating has changed a lot since I was twenty something.

LOL.

a-freakin-mazing

yeah, it’s that bad…

and why is it a priviledge to go out with these guys? i don’t know but they’re convinced…

sorry, my own dating site experiences are much more lame and much less blogworthy…. but lame they are :)

None of those potential ‘partners’ is worth considering. Shudder.

Thank God and all the angels who appear to finally have my phone number and address after all these years, that I had someone nice/single/apparently quite compatible actually knock on my door recently….

I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you, AAG !

Well, Psychic Sue, I was just trying to remember yesterday which blog I read occasionally posts funny-bad personal ad messages! Thanks for reading my mind - and for the laugh!

I’m working on an article for JanesGuide on personal ads and dating sites so if anyone reading this has some *good* stories to counteract the typical horror stories, give me the scoop!

Totally not cruel.

I have a rule for any guy who messages me.
If you can’t spell it, you can’t do it, or see it.
I’ve got messages where they couldn’t spell words like ‘fake’, or ‘fuck’ or ‘you’.

I also get lots of boys who want to replace my big purple cock with their cock.

I always tell them ‘Listen guy, I can’t fuck another boy with YOUR dick.’

That usually shuts them up.

AAG, you could never be cruel, unless, perhaps, you were in possession of that Fire Flogger I recommended the other day. ;)

Spelling errors are rampant today. I catch one in the newspaper or in major news sites every day. Admittedly, I make at least one spilling error every time I type. I don’t know how my keyboard takes it. It’s not because I am stupid; it’s because I am a crappy typist, who should where his reading glasses more often.

You seem to have missed my dating site message, so I will print it here:

Single, Wealthy, Widowed, Male, 91, looking for that special 20-something female companion. You must have strong spine for me to lean on as we walk down the street. FYI, I am very oral.

The reason the last one bothers me is that (1) what the hell is a nypmh-like woman going to be? It sounds like he wants someone super young, super skinny and slutty. (2) Hot only has one T. (3) The last sentence is a fragment — it has no verb. (Although if he had spelled “you’re” it might have.) and (4) I figure this is a fat forty year old guy who is trying to bang an 18 year old.

Not cruel, as it might be if you’d given us names, ids, etc- but in this context? Laughable.

yor so hott gurl keepp et upp

Cruel??.

The words that come to my mind are educated, elitist, erudite…those of us that have been blessed with an education should have the integrity, and the decency, not to abuse those that have not been afforded the opportunity, blown the opportunity, or given the intellect. Life is dealing with the majority of them harshly enough.

Highlighting the foibles of those among us for whom English is a second language is also unbecoming.

Cruel, no. Puerile, perhaps.

These are my least favorite entries.

No, it’s not cruel.

I think allowing us to read the comments are a public service. :) Since the writer’s identities remain anonymous you are not offending them. I’m sure some women may find “mid-evil” knights and guys that want FUN!!! interesting but you don’t and I personally appreciate you letting me peek into what is out there in the online dating community.

You must also get your share of intelligent, literate responses. Although posting those would not be nearly as eye-opening as these.

I’m always surprised at how many of the messages I see are actually quite decent — spelling, grammar all correct, and with something interesting to say. I think it’s partly because my own description emphasizes that I only want someone articulate. If they know what that means… they are already likely to be it. Nevertheless… yes, some of them are hilarious. It drives me especially nuts to hear them complain that the women aren’t giving them a chance, when I see how little effort they put into their opening arguments.

That last one… the thing that bothered me most was him saying that he didn’t want the girl next door… well, unless she is “hott”. Um… can we spell superficial? Do you like that type or not? Admitting immediately that it’s all about looks, not about type or personality… very unappealing.

It’s not just guys who are without syntax, grammar, manners or clue to reality. The same thing happens when you’re a guy who looking for a female partner.

The female version is someone who presents herself as a travel maniac who dances and walks on the beach (where do they all get the same images?), but whose last book read is “The Da Vinci Code” or some such piece of non-literature, and whose real intent is the M-word (marriage), not the O-word.

One way to winnow out (most of) the total illiterates is keep to about 15 miles from your zipcode. As to the commitmentphiles, I have yet to find a formula. Let me know if you discover one.

Of course it’s not cruel to mock those who simply can’t be bothered to apply the lessons that they (should have) learned at school, such as spelling, punctuation and grammar. If they want to put their laziness and ignorance on public display they deserve all they get. It’d only be cruel if you publically identified them :o)

As for being ‘elitist’, words fail me. Keep publishing the worst (best) of the messages you’re sent - always great fun :o)

I’m willing to bet my fortune that the last guy is a troll. I’m not just talking about his personality.

Unless he’s hot…

i just got a guy who has a profile that reads 26 and a face that reads 36.

and why oh why do the 21 year olds love me so much?

Geez!

Puerile??? I didn’t realize you were writing for the Paris Review, of which I , the most puerile one of us, am a subscriber.

Yeah, I suppose some of it is childish, but WTF. Who cares? As for elitist, how elitist is it to put a post down publicly with a string of ten-penny words. The guy must have had his “Word of the Day” calendar out for this one.

I think it’s interesting that your detractor assumes that English is a second language for these clowns. When I chat with a guy whose grammar and spelling are really out there, I often ask where they were born. Shockingly, most say CT, NY, NJ. These guys are not foreigners, they are the products of our own schools. It’s pathetic. And I say they are fair game.

[b]It drives me especially nuts to hear them complain that the women aren’t giving them a chance, when I see how little effort they put into their opening arguments.
[/b]

There ya go in a nut shell. If you want to dance with the big boys you need to be able to dance no other way around it. I personally dont think it was cruel of you to post about your experiences. That is afterall what your site is for. I can say as someone who frequents forums, that what you received is something typical from the hurried world of instant gratification.

I type aweful sometimes cause Im in a hurry and typically due to me typing on the internet I dont consider it worthwhile enough to make sure I have all my syntax and words spelled correctly. But considering these guys/gals are looking to fuck a women or man they really should put forth an effort and at the minimum spell check it before posting it.

I would like to see a compainion to this post though that included some of your good responses, assuming you had any.

nuts I thought I knew how to bold stuff here ahh well.

i smell a book in your horizon AAG.

this stuff is comical and so very needed during a week like this.

xo

Use the pointy brackets “<>” for bold.

:)

Bad Influence Girl - 21 year olds are not that bad - I have, on more than one occation, gotten messaged by FIFTEEN YEAR OLD BOYS!

One of whom wanted to sell me weed. (Like I’m gonna buy weed from a 15 year old! Not only is that morally disgusting, but he probably sells shitweed.)

I just prayed that they were narcs or accounts used to catch pedo’s or something. Even the messages from them made me feel old and dirty.

Ohhh, Yesssss. The Renaissance Faire…there’s it’s a big annual event in my neck of the woods as well….

Imagination Hun…That’s all’s I gots to say ’bout it.

I prefer to think of you as corporeal and orgasmic…maybe I’m biased though :-D

Oooooo more big words! I love it!

These are my favourite entries. But then I have always been puerile and elitist. And I am not sorry and I’ll do it again. So there.

A mid-evil knight? Has he got 333 tattoed on his head then? Or would that be a half-evil knight?

Good Wednesday afternoon to you, AAG !

I love comments too on my erotica blog ! I miss not hearing from you !

Loving Annie

rileys: that’s just what i was thinking but not as funny!

wendy: dude whenever i smoke up a young person with what i consider passable weed they’re killed… so yeah, you’re right

and wow… fifteen year olds, now i want to know how old you are… and i’m thirty six… and yeah, it makes me feel icky and weird too.

like dude i don’t know if i could look your mother in the face!

i really need to not drink and read these posts…i almost had pop all over my monitor!!! lol

xoxo

I’ll give you orgasim like you’ve never had.

Once I get them trapped in the net, I put them in a big pot of Cajun-spiced boil and serve them with a dipping dish of garlic and hot duck butter.

(I don’t really know what that means either)

prefer to think of you as corporeal and orgasmic…maybe I’m biased though :-D

I couldnt have said it better, Myself…….

“Monogamous fuck buddy.”

Snort!