aag

I prefer a paddle myself.
Just saying and ditto on the peeing.

I think a safeword becomes necessary when someone will be trying to give you pain. This situation, to me, didn’t seem to call for a safeword as you say the flogging wasn’t hurting. If and when you get into serious pain-causing activities is when you need to set a safe word and boundaries.

I’m a bottom, and I’ve met all my partners online, so we were able to talk frankly about boundaries before we even met face to face. A responsible top/dom will bring up the subject before trying to cause you pain.

okay for real, how the hell do i get invited to parties like this??

as for you miss, in this case it seems like ‘no’ or ’stop that’ would have sufficed since no negotiation had taken place in advance. also your friend is going to take care of you so i’m not that worried about bdsm protocols.

perhaps instead make sure your friend knows your limits and safewords and trust him?

trust is hard of course.

also? just for the record? i’m so jealous! i want to play tooooooooo!

/whine mode off

Here is my recent review for what i think are the best floggers! http://lolitawolf.blogspot.com/2007/08/bdsm-toy-review-heartwood.html Tell Lori that Lolita sent you. Have fun!

I am continually amazed at the frontiers you are knocking down in your fevered exploration of sexuality!

This sounds so kinky, but so much fun . . .

Negotiating a safeword’s always been pretty straightforward in my experience, although I admit that I’ve been the one telling whomever I’m with that I don’t care how safe they feel with me at that moment, when the pain starts I need to know that they have an escape hatch. Which is why I always ask before starting. If you’re with someone who doesn’t ask, I would say A) worry a teensy bit and B) raise it yourself. I’ve only been involved with one scenario once without a safeword and there were clearly defined boundaries that I wasn’t about to step over and we both knew that.

There’s a large difference between buttery flogger and oh-my-ass-you-tore-it-with-that-caning. Hence: safeword.

I wonder why people pick fruit. I used to use strawberry.

Actually, “Hey. Do you have a nice soft flogger? Wanna flog me with it while my lover fucks me, and will you promise to stop if I say ‘clementine,’ and also not pee on me?” is pretty much exactly what you need to say.

As for floggers, my favourite was the beautiful little black number (i love black, it matches my shoes), with a substantial handle and wrist strap, and about a gazillion soft, cool, thin rounded rubber tails. I’ll try and find out the name of it — it wasn’t new when it was used on me, so it was referred to as ” my new Uber-Flogger” or anything. Although come to think of it, that’s a really good name. Heh.

Rawwrrr!

Clementine…now that’s a safe word. The name of my much missed departed German Shepherd

i think many Dom-ly types would be thrilled if you walked up and said that to them!

And i agree with others, that flying without a safeword was just fine in this instance. Safewords are really for times when you want to be able to cry “no, no, no” and really mean “yes, yes, yes.” This doesn’t seem like that context. “Stop that” is a perfectly good safeword.

And as you say, your lover was *right there.*

Sounds like a fun night - i do love reading about your adventures!

Maybe your dom friend just wanted to make sure you didn’t get into a situation over your head. You do move fast.

I looked around for floggers and this looks like a nice one:

http://www.enemyforces.com/aircraft/mig23.htm

Due to Mrs F.C.s’ aversion to threesomes or more, I find myself having to do the impaling AND flogging. It’s not easy-a bit like that thing where you have to try and pat the top of your head and rub your tummy at the same time.

Haaaaaaa–Oh aren’t you the funny one. :)

FC–You poor baby. Poor poor thing. :D

my fav safe word: orange. doesn’t rhyme with anything. can’t be misconstrued.

Oh yes. Peeing is definitely the deal-breaker.

I always like to have a safe word that isn’t easy for me to remember… that way, I won’t think to use it unless it becomes very, very urgent.

aag: but um… whom do i ask?

i’ve looked around toronto and other than the uber shady bdsm scene (it’s not good here really) i don’t see much…

i’m wondering how you found the person to ask…

Most (but probably not all, particularly less-experienced) BDSM-type folks know or will respond to green-yellow-red, so even if you haven’t negotiated anything ahead of time…

“Green” = Go, Go, GO already. Harder, you nincompoop.

“Yellow” = Slow down, be careful about what you’re doing, I don’t know if this is going to work out…

“Red” = I’m in trouble. Stop, stop, stop right now, even if no means yes and yes means no.

In your case, “Stop right now!” should have worked just fine.

Worst-case scenario (being in a party atmosphere anyway), “STOP RIGHT NOW (shouted at the top of your lungs)” would have = Get the hell away from me, asshole, and should have immediately brought help from the adjoining rooms. Not that you needed to say it. It sounds lovely.

Maybe you something more like this in mind:

http://www.bearclawmfg.com/catalog/product_info.php/products_id/167?osCsid=24d1408b053b93efd78d5b1273fa4680

http://angelsfloggers.com/Home/

This is a friend of mine who makes them. They are WONDERFUL. He might be able to custom make one what has what you are looking for.

There are sooo many toys you have yet to try.. or maybe you just haven’t told us yet…

Let’s see… (looking in my bag of toys…)
… so many spanking implements
… nipple sensitizing implements
… constraint devices

Ohhh.. I better stop there or you might get the wrong idea…

Just tell us more of what you’ve experienced, and what you want to experience…

… and I’ll be right over

Yes, whom do you ask? I’d even be happy to know how you (that’s you specifically and not just anyone) find play partners in general. Write us a post on successful searching. Pleeease.

I had to read your last paragraph out to Apollo, it amused me so much (why is ‘clemantine’ so funny to me? My safeword, for years, was ‘popcorn’). It was the ‘also not pee on me’ that got me, though :)

That said, I think Red has a point. When it’s sensual play rather than pain-oriented, you’re probably okay without. If you’re not tied up, down, all around, or otherwise restrained in ways that have the potential to cause damage, you’re probably all right. And you were being looked after by someone you trusted.

If you’re looking at moving into a D/s oriented relationship, then working through a BDSM checklist (I can email you a template if you like) so they know your interests, limits etc can be extremely useful.

xx Dee

Always remember to have a backup safe”action” in case you’re wearing a gag… or just being gagged.

Like stomping so many times or holding a ball you can drop.

… not that everyone uses gags frequently, but some people don’t realize you can’t use a safeword with a cock in your mouth.

This one is very nice, though a bit on the expensive side.

http://www.stockroom.com/Cocobola-Handle-Black-Flogger-P1875.aspx

I like, for floggers, Sic_un’s rubber one. I have no idea where he got it from (and he can’t remember), but it’s got a lightly weighted handle and 18″ long tails made out of rubber. It smells a little funky when it’s hot, but it stings without hurting overly much, leaves a GREAT color and sounds seriously intense.

flogging…. hmmm. that sounds niiiiiiiiice…

ha! You are too much!

A few months ago you weren’t even getting laid! I can’t wait until you get to further explore your dominant side.

As far as all the rules and such, your friend should know you well enough by now to look after your best interests. And really and truly the #1 best way to truly enjoy subspace is to give up the control. I agree that being safe is really important, but the need for all sorts of limits and safe words enter into it when you are seriously into testing your limits and tolerance.

Cool tagline!:-D

D.

Now I want a flogger.

Hmm… Floggers…

We have several. Our favourite is a large red suede flogger that we bought in New Orleans. It was around $90, and though a bit pricey it was well worth it. It’s been described as “thumpy”.

We have a small suede flogger that’s more of a travel flogger, I guess you’d say. It’s a little less “thumpy” because it has less mass.

In the Seductions store (across from Northbound Leather) in Toronto we picked up three elastic floggers. These are made from long strands of rubbery elastic. They are a little more “stingy”, though the big blue one is heavy enough to be “thumpy” as well as “stingy”. The mean one is yellow on the end of a black riding crop. That’s definitely “stingy”!

I personally prefer using a paddle. I can paddle someone’s bottom all night long if I had to! The big red flogger is a lot of fun, but it can get tiring. The trick is to let the mass of the flogger do the work.

Of course even this big “thumpy” flogger can sting when I put my arm into it! *grin*

As for negotiating a safe word, just bring up the subject before you start. If the Dom/Domme knows what they are doing, they’ll be happy that you know enough to set boundaries. If they don’t have a clue what you’re talking about or seemed miffed, then you know to end it right there.

not pee on you??? i fell off the chair when i read that…i can happily say i have never been pee’d on. lol

let me know when you find the multi-purpose flogger…i could SO use one!!

safe words and specifics are important in such scenes…but i totally understand having my need cunt get in the way.

My safe word will always be “ow”