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A dear friend of mine–let’s call him Steve, shall we?–has been seeing a woman for nigh on six months now. Their relationship started out strong but in the past few months it’s hit a puzzling snag.
The snag? When they have sex in certain positions, she cries.
As you might imagine, Steve finds this supremely disconcerting. The first time it happened he stopped and questioned her. She said it was nothing. She didn’t want to talk about it. She just wanted to keep fucking.
He obliged her. She cried more while they were in that position. When he (wisely) changed to a different position, the tears stopped and they continued coupling unimpeded.
Steve tried to bring up the subject outside of the charged atmosphere of the bedroom. She would only tell him that the position in question triggered bad memories for her.
He questioned further. When had these experiences happened? What could he do to help? She refused to answer but to apologize for the tears and assure him that all was under control.
Except that the next time chance brought them to that sexual position, he saw more tears running down her face. Again he stopped. Again she urged him to continue. Unable to bear the idea of sex with a crying partner, he changed to a different position–which caused the tears to stop.
Steve studiously avoided the trigger position for a period of time. He continued to question her cautiously about the tears. She continued to avoid answering.
A month or so later, another of their standard positions triggered her tears. Steve once again stopped. She once again refused to tell him the issue. She only wanted him to continue.
He’s gently urged her to confide in him. He’s suggested counseling to get to the bottom of the problem. She utterly refuses. She’s fine, she tells him. It’s nothing. She doesn’t want to talk about it.
Now Steve is left to wonder which position will trigger her next time, and if eventually every position will end up being a trigger.
Of course I see this through the lens of my own experience. I’ve also sobbed during sex. During the very worst periods of dealing with sexual abuse, I didn’t want sex at all; when things improved slightly and we tried again, I often could not make it through without tears.
Steve knows enough about my history to wonder if his friend has some of these same demons in her past. He’s a compassionate guy, but his patience is wearing thin. Don’t get me wrong–he’s not frustrated about the tears, but instead with her lack of willingness to address the problem. He doesn’t want to be in a relationship with someone who cannot or will not face her issues.
It may come down to an ultimatum, I’ve told him. If he cannot bear to make love with a tearful partner (and who could, long-term?), then he might need to put things on hold until she agrees to seek some help.
Steve and I talked over this possibility not long ago. She asks for sex. He pulls out his cock–his very impressive cock, I might add–and begins stroking it in front of her astonished eyes.
Then he says, “No help, no dick…make your choice.”
We were making light of a difficult situation (sometimes you just have to), but it’s possible that they’ll end up in conversation like this before long.
What would you do if your partner cried during sex and refused to discuss the reasons with you? How would you respond?
Dark Lady
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