Comments on: Now I Get It http://aagblog.com/2007/08/04/now-i-get-it/ ~ videamus quid sit exilium. nempe loci commutatio.~ Thu, 22 Dec 2011 14:33:19 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Kochanie http://aagblog.com/2007/08/04/now-i-get-it/comment-page-1/#comment-3663 Kochanie Mon, 06 Aug 2007 06:01:03 +0000 http://aagblog.com/2007/08/04/now-i-get-it/#comment-3663 <i>All of the babies in question have the same mother. Hence they are biologically half-siblings, even though two of them were adopted by me and are full siblings in the eyes of the law (and me, of course).</i> This sounds like the solution to one of those word problems in college entrance exams: <i>Mother A visits the home of Mother B to see B's new baby. Mother A is accompanied by her three children. Of the four children in the room, three are biological half-siblings, and one of the three half-siblings is B's new baby. Select the answer that best explains the relationship of the four children in the room.</i> Jest aside, I think the fact that you are approaching the age of 40 has a lot to do with this longing, aag. When a friend of mine, a divorced mother who struggled for years to raise her only daughter without any child support, celebrated her fortieth birthday, she confided how much she longed for a new baby. Despite the worry and the fact she ended up on welfare for a period of time, she said those days when she cared for this little human being who was completely dependent upon her for food, warmth and survival, were among the happiest of her life. All of the babies in question have the same mother. Hence they are biologically half-siblings, even though two of them were adopted by me and are full siblings in the eyes of the law (and me, of course).

This sounds like the solution to one of those word problems in college entrance exams: Mother A visits the home of Mother B to see B’s new baby. Mother A is accompanied by her three children. Of the four children in the room, three are biological half-siblings, and one of the three half-siblings is B’s new baby. Select the answer that best explains the relationship of the four children in the room.

Jest aside, I think the fact that you are approaching the age of 40 has a lot to do with this longing, aag. When a friend of mine, a divorced mother who struggled for years to raise her only daughter without any child support, celebrated her fortieth birthday, she confided how much she longed for a new baby. Despite the worry and the fact she ended up on welfare for a period of time, she said those days when she cared for this little human being who was completely dependent upon her for food, warmth and survival, were among the happiest of her life.

]]> By: aag http://aagblog.com/2007/08/04/now-i-get-it/comment-page-1/#comment-3647 aag Sun, 05 Aug 2007 19:52:53 +0000 http://aagblog.com/2007/08/04/now-i-get-it/#comment-3647 <b> I enjoy not being incarcerated. :) </b>

I enjoy not being incarcerated.

:)

]]> By: Pisser http://aagblog.com/2007/08/04/now-i-get-it/comment-page-1/#comment-3646 Pisser Sun, 05 Aug 2007 19:14:06 +0000 http://aagblog.com/2007/08/04/now-i-get-it/#comment-3646 Two things I remember from dealing with stepfamily experience: -Woman walking into my father's office and callously saying "I didn't know you had an older daughter" and "you don't look like your dad," as if to doubt my paternity -Other woman saying, "IT was from a previous marriage" by way of explaining me, in front of my stepmother People should really think before they talk. And I agree about the half-step sibling b.s., also. (Although I don't know how you refrain from bashing baby momma's head - or reproductive organs - into a wall. You are a stronger woman than I.) Two things I remember from dealing with stepfamily experience:

-Woman walking into my father’s office and callously saying “I didn’t know you had an older daughter” and “you don’t look like your dad,” as if to doubt my paternity

-Other woman saying, “IT was from a previous marriage” by way of explaining me, in front of my stepmother

People should really think before they talk. And I agree about the half-step sibling b.s., also.

(Although I don’t know how you refrain from bashing baby momma’s head – or reproductive organs – into a wall. You are a stronger woman than I.)

]]> By: Al Sensu http://aagblog.com/2007/08/04/now-i-get-it/comment-page-1/#comment-3645 Al Sensu Sun, 05 Aug 2007 16:02:58 +0000 http://aagblog.com/2007/08/04/now-i-get-it/#comment-3645 I'm my own grandpa. Sorry, but that's what all the half or not half stuff brought to mind. You are right that all your kids and the new baby are related. Whether they are legally or biologically, they just are. And they will either have or not have relationships over the course of their lifetimes. The openness of your relationships is difficult but better, I think, in the long run for all. My wife has sought out half-sisters from her father's other marriages -- some of whom didn't know they were their father's daughters until they were grown -- and has developed rewarding relationships with several of them. I’m my own grandpa.

Sorry, but that’s what all the half or not half stuff brought to mind.

You are right that all your kids and the new baby are related. Whether they are legally or biologically, they just are. And they will either have or not have relationships over the course of their lifetimes.

The openness of your relationships is difficult but better, I think, in the long run for all.

My wife has sought out half-sisters from her father’s other marriages — some of whom didn’t know they were their father’s daughters until they were grown — and has developed rewarding relationships with several of them.

]]> By: 24Crayons http://aagblog.com/2007/08/04/now-i-get-it/comment-page-1/#comment-3643 24Crayons Sun, 05 Aug 2007 02:28:28 +0000 http://aagblog.com/2007/08/04/now-i-get-it/#comment-3643 This post triggered something very emotional in me. My son (who is my step-son) was once told by my in-laws that 'THEY' were his 'REAL' family. Insinuating that, I, the woman who has raised him since he was 2, was not a 'REAL' family member to him. They have since been corrected. My daughter and son don't ever speak about 'half' anything. They're just brother and sister. The bio-mom had two more kids, and only kept the middle one, which makes my son twitch with insecurities, and I hate her for that. He never sees or speaks (his choice) to her but when he asks questions we answer as best we can. I'll never replace the woman who abandon him, and couldn't deal with motherhood, the woman who should have been doing everything I did. - Sorry, I totally wrote a novel. My point was going to be, that my son questions if her other children are still his family, and my daughter questions why HE gets to talk on the phone to another sister and she doesn't.. The questions will keep coming, and you just have to answer the best you can and love them all.. This post triggered something very emotional in me. My son (who is my step-son) was once told by my in-laws that ‘THEY’ were his ‘REAL’ family. Insinuating that, I, the woman who has raised him since he was 2, was not a ‘REAL’ family member to him. They have since been corrected. My daughter and son don’t ever speak about ‘half’ anything. They’re just brother and sister.

The bio-mom had two more kids, and only kept the middle one, which makes my son twitch with insecurities, and I hate her for that. He never sees or speaks (his choice) to her but when he asks questions we answer as best we can. I’ll never replace the woman who abandon him, and couldn’t deal with motherhood, the woman who should have been doing everything I did.

- Sorry, I totally wrote a novel. My point was going to be, that my son questions if her other children are still his family, and my daughter questions why HE gets to talk on the phone to another sister and she doesn’t.. The questions will keep coming, and you just have to answer the best you can and love them all..

]]> By: Sailor http://aagblog.com/2007/08/04/now-i-get-it/comment-page-1/#comment-3642 Sailor Sat, 04 Aug 2007 22:50:02 +0000 http://aagblog.com/2007/08/04/now-i-get-it/#comment-3642 Family is family, and we can all tell that your darling babies are being brought up in a loving and caring way.. and I'm sure you will find the right way to explain to the wee one that is having troubles understanding the relationships now, how it all fits- without any "half", "real", etc, etc. Hugs for you, for your strength and your great mommy-ness Family is family, and we can all tell that your darling babies are being brought up in a loving and caring way.. and I’m sure you will find the right way to explain to the wee one that is having troubles understanding the relationships now, how it all fits- without any “half”, “real”, etc, etc.

Hugs for you, for your strength and your great mommy-ness

]]> By: darkpixie http://aagblog.com/2007/08/04/now-i-get-it/comment-page-1/#comment-3638 darkpixie Sat, 04 Aug 2007 18:58:49 +0000 http://aagblog.com/2007/08/04/now-i-get-it/#comment-3638 "half" does not need to be used...they are all siblings and should love each other as such...no one is more related than anyone else. you are an awesome mom! “half” does not need to be used…they are all siblings and should love each other as such…no one is more related than anyone else.

you are an awesome mom!

]]> By: Tricia http://aagblog.com/2007/08/04/now-i-get-it/comment-page-1/#comment-3637 Tricia Sat, 04 Aug 2007 17:44:34 +0000 http://aagblog.com/2007/08/04/now-i-get-it/#comment-3637 I have to tell you, being adopted myself, there is nothing that hurts more than having one of your siblings throw that out there when they're angry. There is nothing that you can say back to them, no way to defend yourself. And once they realize the power those simple words have over you, they will use it whenever they can get away with it. My family never wanted it mentioned. At all. People would always tell my father that I have his eyes or that I look like him and he would just smile and say 'thank you'. However... yeah... here comes the however ;) My brother took great delight in not only using it as his weapon of choice during fights, but also as a way to spread his torture around school. He told our friends of course. It went all around school. And then it got back to my father... It's tricky territory AAG. I never told on him because it made me feel ashamed. And it was a forbidden subject. Now that we're grown up and he has adopted his wife's children you'd think he would have some understanding, but no. He still goes through the family genealogy whenever he introduces me to anyone. My sister came to live with me a few months ago and we went out for a beer. I mentioned being adopted and she almost blew beer out of her nose. At 24 she had no idea. And the funny thing is, she was in shock because she looks more like me than anyone else in the family. Ha! Just make sure that the words 'real brother' or 'real sister' are understood no-nos. We're all very real. And NO MORE BABIES! You have those fisty-peggy things to play with remember? I have to tell you, being adopted myself, there is nothing that hurts more than having one of your siblings throw that out there when they’re angry. There is nothing that you can say back to them, no way to defend yourself. And once they realize the power those simple words have over you, they will use it whenever they can get away with it.

My family never wanted it mentioned. At all.
People would always tell my father that I have his eyes or that I look like him and he would just smile and say ‘thank you’.

However… yeah… here comes the however ;)
My brother took great delight in not only using it as his weapon of choice during fights, but also as a way to spread his torture around school. He told our friends of course. It went all around school.

And then it got back to my father…

It’s tricky territory AAG. I never told on him because it made me feel ashamed. And it was a forbidden subject. Now that we’re grown up and he has adopted his wife’s children you’d think he would have some understanding, but no. He still goes through the family genealogy whenever he introduces me to anyone.

My sister came to live with me a few months ago and we went out for a beer. I mentioned being adopted and she almost blew beer out of her nose. At 24 she had no idea.
And the funny thing is, she was in shock because she looks more like me than anyone else in the family. Ha!

Just make sure that the words ‘real brother’ or ‘real sister’ are understood no-nos. We’re all very real.

And NO MORE BABIES!
You have those fisty-peggy things to play with remember?

]]> By: Rupert http://aagblog.com/2007/08/04/now-i-get-it/comment-page-1/#comment-3635 Rupert Sat, 04 Aug 2007 16:26:07 +0000 http://aagblog.com/2007/08/04/now-i-get-it/#comment-3635 Ah. The little ones are all half-siblings of each other, but not a half sibling of your eldest. I just read that a little too quickly. Sorry about the digression. Carry on! Ah. The little ones are all half-siblings of each other, but not a half sibling of your eldest. I just read that a little too quickly. Sorry about the digression. Carry on!

]]> By: Loving Annie http://aagblog.com/2007/08/04/now-i-get-it/comment-page-1/#comment-3634 Loving Annie Sat, 04 Aug 2007 16:22:38 +0000 http://aagblog.com/2007/08/04/now-i-get-it/#comment-3634 Good Saturday morning to you, AAG. I don't have children, so while I envy you having them, I have to shamefully admit I have no clue what you are talking about... Unless it's just that you see your own sweet baby all over again in another child, and your heart remebrs that ache and sweetness... Hope that you have a good weekend ! Sincerely, Loving Annie Good Saturday morning to you, AAG.

I don’t have children, so while I envy you having them, I have to shamefully admit I have no clue what you are talking about…

Unless it’s just that you see your own sweet baby all over again in another child, and your heart remebrs that ache and sweetness…

Hope that you have a good weekend !

Sincerely,
Loving Annie

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