Please prepare yourselves for a short yet highly judgmental rant.
Over the past few months I’ve attended a number of group events–group events where eventually some people get naked. I’ve had way more fun than any nearly-40 year old mommy-type should legally be allowed to have. Perhaps you’ve noticed?
During the sometimes long stretches at these group events when I’ve not been getting the very life fucked out of me, I’ve busied myself with the wide-eyed observation of the other attendees and their habits. I’ve done this both because I’m a nosy lil’ fuck and because it’s all potentially bloggable.
Anonymously bloggable, of course.
There’s been one troubling constant I’ve noticed: People drink. People drink more than it seems like they really should.
You could no doubt make a case that drinking to excess at any place where there’s hard dick and wet pussy a’plenty is not the best idea. That sort of drinking raises questions about the drinkers’ ability to give consent, protect themselves from STDs and pregnancy, drive home later and et cetera.
All of those considerations are troublesome; however, there’s one aspect of heavy drinking in sexually-charged situations that bothers me the most. Why, I am forced to wonder, would people want to dull both their enjoyment and their memory of sex?
There have been times that my friend and I were the only ones not drinking at an event. Oddly enough, those times have also found us naked first, fucking first and screaming first; later, if you tallied everything up, we’d doubtlessly be the ones who were the most naked, the most well-fucked and the most screamed-out.
Anyone who had observed us (and oh, people do observe us) would no doubt say that we’d had a right nice time…and we managed to do it with with our wits about us. And the next day we have clear (oh quite clear, thank you very much) memories of what we did.
I have to think that if you feel the need to drink in order to lower your inhibitions enough to get naked and/or play amongst a group, then you’d probably do best to stay home.
The drunker I am, the sloppier I get. That’s NOT sexy… and nobody wants to fuck a guy with whiskey dick either.
Surely you jest. For a great many people, the mere IDEA of NOT drinking alcohol is unthinkable. Drinking is what they do. They are incapable of understanding that life after 5 PM does not REQUIRE the consumption of ethanol.
It isn’t so much that they need booze to lower their inhibitions; it is that the taste of soda, or water, or tomato juice is unpalatable.
And many of these folks would object strenuously to the idea that they are “alcoholics”. They can stop any time they want, you see; it’s just that they don’t WANT to stop drinking alcohol.
“Been there”, as they say, and “Done that”. In my youth, I was seriously studying to become an alcoholic; there was a full year in my young life when I would have starved to death except for the orange slices and the cherries. Then I realized, much to my dismay, that I didn’t really LIKE the taste of alcohol.
So I flunked out of boozers’ school, and learned to like Pepsi, and water, and a little – a VERY little – wine. In the company of drunks, I can ACT as drunk as they are, and have all the more fun because I know it’s an act. Where I used to drink shots of tequila with the salt and the lemon, now all my Sunrises are “virgin”. (And cheaper, too!)
Yes, people should drink less. But it isn’t my job or yours to make them be responsible.
I never understood that. I can get naked in front of strangers much easier than I can talk in front of them or sing in front of them.
Which is why I only recall a few instances of me ever having drunksex, but lots of drunkaraoke.
I’m not much for drunk anything, much less drunk sex.
I could have one or two wine coolers and be completely buzzed… so what do I know?
I agree though, you lose your ability to be rational and make good responsible choices. Adding a lot of alcohol to that environment is less about lubrication (to lose inhibitions) and more about loss of sensation. Why would someone want that?
I completely, totally agree with you on this.
I have found that folks like to have an ‘excuse’ for their behavior, in case they are called on it. “… showed her tits last night….she and that guy were fucking in the kitchen O.O” – but she was drunk, so it was okay. BS I say. Most folks are aware of what they are doing, they just want the excuse.
I would rather remember at this point, than have the hazy fog of ….I think I did… and maybe I did that…
I knew few alcoholics in my life. That turned me permanently off. If I so much as smell the alcohol of my lover’s mouth… It’s done. I can’t even get aroused. But I understand how someone might need a drink to have enough guts to have sex in front of others. On the other hand. orgies were never my thing although I envy a bit people who like it and don’t have breaks like me… God, I wish I was one of them. at least for a night or two.
I spent many years riding ambulance, several years working in detox, and in one way or another have been dealing with drunks for about 20+ years. Can’t stand ‘em.
At the same time, my last drunk myself was 1980. That’s the last time I was even slightly tipsy.
I party hearty, but nearly everyone I party with parties sober. Damn, but it’s good.
Boozing it up a little to lower your inhibitions isn’t necessarily a bad thing. However, there’s a big difference between that and being totally piss drunk. That’s not exactly attractive.
By the way, booze is probably far from the worst things that tend to get consumed at this sort of events.
I have never been a big drinker – generally I’m driving so I don’t drink at all. I am always a little saddened at the way so many people seem to feel that I must be having a substandard evening because I’m not drinking, or that I’m in some way cramping everyone else’s style because I’m not joining in. The truth is that I’ve tried being drunk and I’ve tried being sober and I prefer to be sober. I think I have a better time.
I’ve never been to an event such as you describe and, while I’m not a big drinker by any stretch, I can imagine at my first such affair needing a little fortification, but that doesn’t mean getting drunk. What would be the point?
And, I wouldn’t have any interest in being with someone who was drunk. As BBG says, “…nobody wants to fuck a guy with whiskey dick …”.
That’s a classic, truly! :)
Eve
We agree that drunks and sex are not a good combination. When we hosted swing parties we planned the guest list very carefully and those with a reputation for drinking to the point of being drunk were not invited. Smokers were also not welcome.
This is something that has always irked me as well. I’m young and probably still in that “getting smashed” stage of life… except I don’t want to. I have, mind you, but a smart person doesn’t want or need to feel that way more than a few times to get the hint it isn’t so fun. I like drinking… because I like the taste of what I’m drinking. I’ll have A margarita with dinner. Or A glass of wine. There’s really no need to be downing tequila shots for the sake of getting drunk. Yet… somehow… this statement makes me an oddity to most I hang out with.
As far as drunk sex goes, I’ve done it precisely once. It was awful. It was fast and painful (we didn’t bother to warm up in ANY way), and we barely remembered doing it the next day. Just a bad, bad idea.
Good Monday mornign to you, AAG.
It’s a good rant because frankly, it is a question I ask myself frequently about drinking in general.
I’m not talking about sharing one bottle of wine over dinner.
I’m talking about drinking to party, to get buzzed or drunk. WHY ? I just don’t see rthe appeal, given the consequences to your health and your ability to face life head on and deal with it, let alone enjoy things like sex with every scintilla of you completely aware and focused…
Baffles me.
I know it is supposed to be an addicition. It just never enchanted me. The trade-off isn’t alluring enough.
I’m definitely not addressing the addictive properties of alcohol in this post. That’s a completely different issue.
The only thing I’m complaining about here is the behavior of drinking to excess as a way to calm one’s nerves before engaging in an activity which might otherwise embarrass some people. Using alcohol in order to lower your inhibitions seems unwise to me.
I cannot agree more. I just reviewed the book “The Straight Girl’s Guide to Sleeping with Chicks” for EdenFantasys.com…and my biggest issue with it was the constant push of “drink a little first, and it’ll make it easier to find someone/overcome any issues/get it on”
I’m sorry, but if you *need* to have a drink in order to do anything sexually, than you shouldn’t be doing the sexual thing. It’s one thing if my partner and I (who have had many sexual experiences sober), have a glass of wine and then I’m bent over the kitchen table. It’s a far different thing if I’m uncomfortable, and use alcohol to lower my inhibitions, or if something hurts, and I use alcohol to numb the pain.
Sex is its’ own high, and doesn’t need substances to make it good, and if anything, they make it less great than it could be.
Good rant. Much approval.
I am not a teetotaler by any means. I like a couple pints of Guinness or a glass of wine. As for being drunk, especially when you know you are going to have a good time, that’s ridiculous. I want to remember the concert, the party, the great sex, in detail.
Doesn’t all the jostling around from sex combined with alcohol on the stomach make for bad results? Not to mention bad decision making. I agree totally (and actually list alcohol as a risk factor when teaching about STIs).
At low doses, alcohol increases nitric oxide, which can have a viagra like effect. At higher doses, the nitric oxide reserves are depleted, leading (alas) to whiskey dick.
The disinhibition issue interests me. On one hand, it’s logical that people shouldn’t need anything to help them to do what they want to do. On the other hand, anxiety and inhibition are rampant and prevent people from doing seemingly simple things even when sexual guilt or inhibition is not involved. Other meds for dealing with anxiety have drawbacks, including reduced libido.
i completely agree with you….if you need to drink in order to partake in something as fun and erotic as an orgy…then what is the point….sure, you may have had a great time…but do you remember it?
I agree and disagree. I agree that if you need to drink to relax enough to play, you might want to hold off on the playing until you are more comfortable.
I disagree (but not really) in that there are many cultures where everything you do revolves around drinking. I am originally from New Orleans and every aspect of your life orbits around the mighty drink. Not as a drunk or an addict, merely as a social experience. Morning business meeting: Bloody Mary. Business lunch: Whiskey. After 5:00: Well, everything.
But we as NoLa-ians are not drinking to get wasted, we are just drinking. Period. Have your drinkie without going crazy. It is all in moderation.
Those are my thoughts.
If they need to drink in order to lower their inhibitions, then I don’t think they should be there in the first place.
Been there done that…Sober Sex Rocks!
I think as long as you keep it to under 10- 12 drinks you’re probably in safe territory. ;)
the other night i was drinking with mates during a uni trip. i ended up having my first one night stand. im sure it wasnt a good idea. i had no idea about the history of the guy, i only know he has slept with 6 other people.
he walked me home the next morning (we were staying in different lodges) and didnt talk to me all the next day.
because of alcohol i got used and he got laid.
i managed, tho, to not make the same mistake the next night with a different guy.
alcohol can be fun but as you said AAG, reducing your inhibitions can be dangerous.
love your blog…keep it up :)
xxoo
AAG,
You are sooooo right. ETOH serves to diminish inhibition, but also perception and sensation. Were I ever to be so fortunate as you in finding such exciting places to play I would want to savor each and every sensation and nuance.
Aloha, Bob
Sex and booze don’t mix. Now, don’t get me wrong. I like a stiff whiskey and I like good sex and I don’t like either/or but this is pretty much an either/or.
im in two minds about this. while drunken sex is never any good, i personally know how hard it can be to loose your inhibitions. not always an easy thing no matter how much you might want to. but, then again it might be just me
I personally believe that if you need to lower your inhibitions, to have sex,,you really DONT need to be having sex,,
,I can think of no worse moment,than waking up,in bed, and wondering who that is next to you…
In my experience the equipment works better with out the booze.
huh, sort of sounds like college…do people really not grow out of that eventually? not something to look forward to
Well, shoot. The wife and I didn’t drink much until we realized that a margarita or two turned her into the most lustful, nasty, butt-lovin’, cock-suckin’ lover this side of paradise.
Needless to say, margarita nights are great and, not coincidentally, even the non-margartia nights are much, much more fun than the last 10 years or so.
All in all, it’s got to be an individual choice and handled with maturity and purpose. Shit-faced is shit-faced (and stupid), but a little tequila can be an awful lot of fun.
Agreed. I recently got shit on a purported “feminist” blog for suggesting that I don’t think it’s empowering, safe or wise to get pissed, then have sex. As you mentioned, it drastically increases the chances for coercion, rape, unprotected sex, STD transmission, unplanned pregnancy, and regret. But, no– apparently “the patriarchy” has made it such that women *need* booze in order to enjoy sex.
News to me.
I have been in the Swinging life style now for over 6 years and enjoy every event I get to. When my wife and I first started to attend the parties we would have a few drinks to help get us over the nervousness of a new, and to us “wild” thing. As we became more experianced with the lifestyle we would have fewer drinks beforehand. I have never gotten drunk at a party ( I always have to drive afterwards ) but can see why some people may need a bit of liquid courage. Now when we attend I have a beer or two early in the evening because I enjoy beer but switch to diet pop later. I would not get down too hard on the the people who need to take a bit of the edge off. I do not however think getting drunk is a good idea for group sex, driving, gambling or may other adult activities.
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