Just once I allowed my little boy to go naked in the wading pool. He loved it so much that now he sees no need for his wee soggy swim trunks. The second I lower him into the pool, he endeavors to remove the trunks. Tenacious little devil that he is, he generally succeeds within a minute.
He does this whether he is in the pool only with his siblings or with children from the neighborhood. The other day he stripped bare when my friend brought her five year old daughter over for some pool / sprinkler fun.
The child took one look at my boy, naked and proud and splashing. She turned to her mother and said, “He sure has a long belly button!”
I chuckled. Her mother rolled her eyes and hurried her daughter off to play in the sprinkler.
“That was a perfect teaching moment,” I pointed out to my friend. “You had an unabashed little male model here who wouldn’t have cared if you’d used him as an anatomy lesson.”
“She’s not ready for that,” my friend said. “She doesn’t need to know about that stuff yet.”
Everybody has different ideas about when kids “need to know.” I disagree with her time line, but hey, it’s not my kid.
At the same time I thought how absurdly easy it would have been. “No honey, that’s not his belly button. That’s his penis. Boys have a penis and testicles. Girls have a vagina, vulva and clitoris.”
That’s all it would have taken.
gotta love kids…
Simple, quick, and to the point, and chances are the kid wouldn’t have thought twice about now, but it would have planted the lesson in their head somewhere for later.
Personally, I feel it’s not wise to put those discussions off for to long. Most kids are happy with a “this is a penis” all boys have one. They don’t typically ask for more info than that.
Lately, it’s been why do you have rings on your breasts (5 yr old) – that’s an interesting conversation to have. My boys will think all women are supposed to have pierced nipples.
First time I’ve heard a penis referred to as a long belly button though.
Your friend let a golden opportunity pass by. Yes, a simple explantion would have been easy and a good way for her start these talks, that will happen for a long time, with her daughter.
I’m always kind of surprised when adults are shy of using the anatomically correct words for genitals. They’d rather say “down there” or “wee wee” than vagina or penis.
I’ve always been proud of the people in my family for telling their kids from the get go what’s what and who has it.
Eve
As you and everyone has said, your friend’s lost moment. What’s rough is when you see the teen – or worse yet, the adult – logical consequences of that.
I’d just like commend your boy on his innocent sense of adventure, and here’s hoping he can hold to as much as possible when he, unfortunately but inevitably, runs into the “Real World”.
Kids are smarter than most people give them credit for. my girl said that to me recently, when I said something about how a child wouldn’t understand something — and I think she’s right. if they learn these things earlier, it’s good knowledge for them to have. Just think in a few years how that little girl will get laughed at if she still thinks it’s a bellybutton. *shrugs*
I love the story about the little boy who asked where he came from, and his mum sat him down and told him all about it, he sat there in wild eyed bewildement, and after she’d finished she asked him why he wanted to know and he replied “Well my friend comes from Birmingham and I wondered where I came from?”.
I think things should be explained to kids as and when they’re relevant, and I agree with you, your friend missed a golden opportunity to explain basic anatomy to her daughter which could have been constructive education without stealing her daughters innocence.
Good Saturday morning AAG,
I agree with your approach. Kids will ask questions and want to know. You weren’t giving too much information. You were just giving basics.
Five years old and she thought it was too early? Imagine how hard it will be to have that conversation once she does feel the child is ready. Or, perhaps by that time the child will have already learned the words, from her friends, ect. The first moment they ask that question is the right time. I wonder if the girl caught on that something “bad” or “dirty” was going on, with the way the mom rushed her away. That is too bad.
yeah…
Perfect teaching moment… lost. Let’s hope it comes “up” again.
We’re finding ourselves talking about this sort of thing more and more with the baby on the way. We’re both nudists, so really that particular example is a no brainer. In general I think we’ll be pretty open with our kids.
You’re right, the dodging of the opportunity probably did give the kid the impression something was bad. But on the other hand, my parents were reasonably open with my sister and I, but still hid their porn. I wonder if I’ll know the line when I see it?
I think the idea that when the question first comes up, that’s the right time is good, as long as the answer is age appropriate.
P and P
Kids are old enough to get answers to questions when they are old enough to ask the questions. We followed this line with the Omnipotent Daughter and she’s turned out to be…well, quite omnipotent.
Happy Sunday to you, AAG !
i have a little one and often wonder when my perfect teaching lesson will pop up…people just differ on when kids should learn. and, it is funny cause when they are little…it does not phase them at all.
As someone else alluded to, it is sad that “penis” and “vagina” are made into special uncomfortable words which probably explains all the adults who still have issues or the giggles when such words are used. Sad.
Oh I get the giggles too.
But I still tell my kids the right words!
With locker rooms constantly lowering the ages that kids are allowed to go in with their parents (my gym’s restriction is 3!!!), it’s super important that someone discusses anatomy with them (if even just to say “we change in different rooms because we have different parts. males have penises and women have vulvas and vaginas.”) otherwise, it becomes this hidden, dirty, secretive thing.
I’d say a 5 year old (given “normal” development) is certainly at an age which would understand the differences between sexes. I mean, they know the difference between a cat and cow, so why not a male and a female?
Not that I plan on having kids (my cats are MY babies), but if I did, I’d make sure I used the correct terms, and explained them in child appropriate terms as soon as they would understand…I will not be any part of creating more shame around sex, genitals and differences. Good for you for realize that it was such a moment (and letting your son enjoy a little nekkid time:) ! )
to each their own. Leave the judging to the professionals…
Reminds me of one of my funniest untold stories of my currently almost-six year old’s life. I was showering on my day off. She was two, or nearly two. Old enough to know that some animals have tails. She came into the bathroom as I was exiting the shower, and before I’d gotten my towel.
So there I am, bare naked, dripping wet. She had probably seen my penis before, as my wife and I never really hid our naughty bits from her to that point. But, this was the first time she seemed to notice it. She stared. I pulled a towel over myself, and she tried to look around and under the towel. When I asked what she was doing, she laughed, “You have a tail!!”
I don’t think I bothered to get dressed before I was on the phone making my wife’s day with that story.
FWIW, I didn’t conduct a lesson at that point. I was laughing too hard. She learned later on, when she started realizing that boys and girls pee differently. And since she’s now a big sister, she’s aware of the non-peeing uses of a penis and vagina, but that’s where she is now, at not yet six.