“Fuck me Daddy.”
I say it in my head over and over as I’m shaving my legs.
It shouldn’t bother me. It’s only a group of words. It bothers me exponentially less than it would have five years ago, or even five months ago. But still I require practice.
“Fuck me Daddy!” I try out a new intonation of the phrase as I move the razor up to my labia, smoothing it over silicone-lubed skin.
The words sound odd in my head. I try to convince myself to say them out loud.
“Fuck me Daddy.” It’s a whisper. I look at myself in the mirror while I remove the hair under my arms. Saucy eyes look back, encouraging another try. “Fuck me, Daddy!”
I might get there yet.
He knows nothing of that part of my life yet, though I’m sure it will come up eventually. I don’t hide it. He probably wouldn’t have told me that he loves to hear those words if he knew.
“Fuck me Daddy!” I search for prickly patches on my legs and practice again, tasting the words (still faintly bitter, slightly slimy) as they move through my mouth.
I want to give him those words before he knows about me. I dread telling sometimes, not because I’m ashamed, but because I don’t want to be handled gently because of it. I want to be able to do everything that people who weren’t abused can do.
Including saying “Fuck me Daddy,” if that’s what gives him a raging boner and (more importantly) makes him fuck me like a man possessed. I want to give it to him, and I want to say it for me. I want those words to hold no unusual power over me anymore.
So I keep practicing. “Fuck me Daddy!” It comes out louder now, and I move to the shower to wash all my bits and pieces.
Once more now, leaning against the wall and allowing hot water to stream over my back. “Fuck me, Daddy.” I try it out as a whisper again; that’s probably all I’ll be able to manage when I’m leaning against him and not the shower wall.
That’s how it will be, I decide, as I put lube, condoms and a few toys into my purse. I’ll step through the door directly into his arms. I’ll go immediately for his neck and nuzzle my way up to his ear. “Fuck me Daddy,” I’ll whisper to him. No greeting, nothing but the words.
I hope it works.
that sounds like a plan!
i think it will just take time, and eventually you’ll get comfortable enough with him to expound further.
sounds like things are going reasonably well with him — are you two “exclusive” ? i know that sounds like a high-school question, lol.
YES!
Wrestle the power OUT of the words. It’s just words that other people use WITHOUT the horrible power of experience.
MAKE THE WORDS TRIVIAL!
The only thing that matters is that they make him squirm in THAT way!
You are an amazing, astounding woman. I’ll stop now :o)
mmmmm my three favorite words in the whole wide world.
yeah even better then those other three words strung together.
i hope you have fucking great time.
why fuck me daddy? is he saying he likes incest? isnt that what caused you so much trauma and was such a horrible experience for you and your family? and he’s getting off on it! arent you worried?
why do ppl like this phrase?? i dont get it personally.
i think you are doing yourself a disservice saying those words to him, for his pleasure, after it caused so much hurt for you.
I completely understand the power of those words, and the heat behind them. “Daddy”, in this context isn’t Daddy/Father, or even a father figure, I think. It’s more about power, about feeling, actually, safe enough to give yourself over to someone.
And some of it I don’t understand at all. I don’t understand why, saying that, or even just reading about YOU saying it, gives me that thrill.
Own it. Use it (to give him that raging hard-on).
Hope you had a grand time.
Eve
Maybe you should SAY, “Fuck me Daddy”, but THINK “Fuck you Daddy”.
The problem you have is understandable, wanting to conquer it is imperative, and rising above it like you’re doing is admirable.
You go girl.
I can understand exactly what you want from him.. and what you don’t want from him…
I completely agree with T on this one…
There are other words you can use to get the same result… without the implied abuse.
Why not try one of these phrases instead…
“Fuck Me Honey”
“Fuck Me Baby”
“Fuck Me Hard”
“Give it to me Baby”
“I want you Baby.. I want all of you .. NOW!!”
“I’m here for your pleasure Baby”
“Take me to your bed Baby and Fuck Me”
Show your own strength at the same moment that you show your desires and appreciation for him…
I really want us all to push abuse further and further away at every moment… and yet still enjoy our passions to the max…
I respectfully disagree.
I want to be able to do and say whatever I damn well please–and whatever gets my partner off–without having my particular abuse buttons pushed.
In the past, there were several other sexual things that pushed the wrong buttons for me, and gradually I’ve gotten past them. This particular phrase has been one of the last stubborn hold-outs.
Think of it as taking the words back. Repurposing them. I want them back. I don’t want ghosts of the abuse popping up unbidden.
And no, I’m absolutely certain that it’s not an incest thing for him. I know of a couple other men who like it too. Maybe they’ll speak up and ’splain it.
:)
That’s a tough one, it really is. I’ve never had a problem with the phrase myself even though I had some issues with my father, although not to the extent you did, but I have also known many gay leather daddies and so that made a a difference in my psychological acceptance of the phrase. I actually love to say it occasionally, as long as the guy has no fantasies of being my real daddy. it’s a fine fine line. I hope it works for you, but I also hope he understands it might not.
Heh, I wrote this a while ago.
It’s since worked.
Oh god, did it work.
:)
I agree with T 100% with this phrase. I’ve read other blogs talking about the same phrase and I find it hugely creepy everytime. Maybe if you have to make yourself say it that many times to feel comfortable with the phrase then it’s not the right thing to do. Sounds very forced.
But this is your blog and your life so if you say you want to do it then it’s your parogative.
Still creepy though, especially with Father’s Day around the corner…
OMG.
I totally forgot that it’s almost father’s day.
Ha!
Oops.
Bad timing, eh?
*giggling*
I’m all for you doing whatever feels healing to you.
Just make sure you’re doing it because you feel you *want* to, not because you feel you “should be able to.”
I say this because this line doesn’t sit well with me: I want to be able to do everything that people who weren’t abused can do.
I feel it’s important that you COULD always have said this phrase–you had the physical capability of doing so–you just didn’t feel *comfortable* doing it. You didn’t feel like it.
Honestly, many people who have NOT been abused don’t find “fuck me, daddy” to be a turn-on. They also CAN do it, but they don’t feel like it. And they have perfectly great sex lives without it, because that phrase doesn’t do it for them, and sex would actually be less fun for them WITH it.
As I said, I’m not discouraging you from using it if you want to, I just worry about the comparativeness that seems to be underlying in this post. There sounds like there’s a big “should” in there–”I should be able to say this like everyone else does” and “I should be able to do this if it brings my lover pleasure,” and neither of those statements is true.
Sorry, messed up on third paragraph. Meant to type, “I feel it’s important to point out that…”
Oh, I definitely want to do this for me. It’s bugged me for a while that the words ooged me out. I don’t want to be ooged out by those words anymore.
It’s a nice push in that direction that my friend likes the words, but it’s for me.
:)
AAG,
That phrase has always scared me too. Turned me on and yet horrified me at the same time. I’ve never had the courage to say it. Never had anyone want me (I don’t think) to say it to them, although I’ve masturbated about it.
I hate my Dad and how mean he always was to me.
But I’ve wanted someone else to come rescue me and be my nice Daddy…
And with someone my age, well, if he HAD wanted that, wow, that sure takes us to another stage of role-playing games…
I don’t know. It’s very confusing…
You are brave to go there — especially because of your history.
p.s. sometimes you have to confront your demons to get over them.
Sometimes.
I was date raped/sodomized at age 18.
I wouldn’t let a man go NEAR my bottom for another 15 years.
Then I refused to let the rapist have one more minute of power over me — and I let someone I trusted very gently and slowly take me back there — and it felt really really good.
I was free.
So I think I can understand what you are doing.
p.s.s. yeah, definitely about conrol, not abuse…
Like saying ‘please sir, I need a spanking’ — not cause you been bad, but because you’re PLAYING and it’s all about the mind thing… Man as boss, woman as submissive… At least in bed.
sigh typo – control…
I’m finished.
Gee, this post got to me, didn’t it ???
My wife says it to me. The first time, I’ll be honest, it really kinda creeped me out. And each time after for awhile. These days, I absolutely love it when she says it.
I think Eve nailed it perfect, for me at least, with..
“It’s more about power, about feeling, actually, safe enough to give yourself over to someone.
”
And so I have learned that is where she is coming from, and knowing that she is that secure with me, well, that is a pretty damn awesome.
Plus, it gives me that raging hard on. So yeah.
Yeah, we do love that raging hard on.
:)
AAG
I hope you know that I applaud you and support you in virtually all you do. AND yes absolutely, do what you wish and what you need to do to experience the life that you deserve. Decide for yourself what you need and what you want.
BUT, please take into consideration that phrase and what it usually means or relates to.
… it’s just not something that makes me comfortable. It’s definately too close to “the wrong thing”… for me it is.
I could write my own whole entry on this. And I guess, should.
But I wanted to answer T, who said is he saying he likes incest?
T, incest, in a sexual fantasy sense, is akin to rape/non-consent in a fantasy sense; people who have rape fantasies and not *wanting to be raped*; they’re getting off on the taboo, the inherent wrongness, the fantasy version where rape isn’t rape, it’s just an incredibly dirty fuck.
So ‘incest fantasy’ isn’t ‘incest’ in the real world sense.
All that said, ‘daddy’ goes way beyond incest fantasy. Daddy is one of those power words. Daddy represents power, protection, control. It describes in one word an entire power dynamic. There’s an entire spectrum of ‘Daddy/boy’ relationships in gay culture, that has little or nothing to do with incest, but everything to do with internal relationship power structure.
Calling a man ‘daddy’ in bed is like a more loving, less silly version of ’sir’ or ‘master’.
The other reason words like that are hot in because the invoke an inherent sense of ‘dirtiness’; the same reason swearing in bed can be hot, or implications of rape. The vague sense of the ‘wrong’ and ‘dirty’ (which is highly personal) brings a particular sexual character to the bedroom. Hearing a full grown woman whisper in a little-girly voice ‘fuck me daddy’ or “no, no, please don’t’ – the vague sense of wrongness is what makes it erotic.
Now, not everyone responds. And hearing a woman who doesn’t mean it try to do ‘daddy’ just for me isn’t really very hot unless her discomfort is the point of the exercise (sometimes getting someone doing something in bed that makes them uncomfortable, assuming consensuality, is the erotic charge). But for ‘fuck me daddy’ to get me, personally, she has to mean it. She has to find saying it hot, herself, or just forget it.
My favorite flip-flop of the ‘daddy’ dynamic is a particularly wonderful femme-dom friend of mine who likes to tie men up and hurt them; she’s particularly fond of doing this to a man while calling him ‘daddy’. Now, I’m no submissive, but this image is just fucking hot, because it sounds so inherently perverse.
Perversion, or the sense of such, pushes buttons for a lot of us. In fantasy, the worse it is, the hotter it gets.
So never assume ‘daddy’ means incest.
i’m just reading the philip larkin posts now… in fact i’ve just gotten to the bit about the word no.
you know that’s my one major beef with society today, no one teaches kids, little girls especially, that no is a word they have a RIGHT to say. it’s the hardest word to learn to say and the most important.
congratulations to you for pushing your boundaries. i did that with flogging when i had myself tied up and flogged. it was a very interesting experience but i’ve chosen not to do it again because there’s just too much weirdness for me with regard to the beatings i got from my dad. (never anything sexual but he hit harder and with more rage than any parent should)
and no, my story isn’t oprah worthy either, but it’s still mine…. just like yours is unique to you but still important.
thanks for sharing.
i think it will work just fine for him….just keep practicing and it will eventually work for you too!!!
When I was 17 I had an affair with a married woman (she was separated from her husband). We were having sex and I said something that completely shut her down. She explained that the same thing had been said to her while being raped. I was getting off of her, figuring that the mood was gone and she didn’t want to be touched when she practically begged me to resume – she wanted to re-associate that phrase with something positive.
I understand what you were trying to do and I hope those words hold positive memories for you now.
Dam woman .. I’m sure it will! And I also think that the outcome of saying those words will begin changing the once negative meaning into an OH so positive one.
They most certainly do.
Thanks everyone for the wonderful comments.
Thank you especially to one of my favorite Bad Daddies, Karl, for checking in on me.
I’d whisper that in your ear any day, baby.
Hi AAG,
Just make sure you don’t say that to someone who actually has daughters. “Cause that would freak ME right out.
Luv.
I’d only say it if I thought he’d be into it.
:)
Hi AAG,
Oooh, for once, I don’t have a big-ass loud-mouthed opinion.
I’m all about not imbuing words with unnecessary power. I’m also all about getting past the past.
Signed…
Scrambled!
XOXO
Chuck