aag

“IT” just is.
YOU can make it pathological or awesome. It’s your choice.

I for one think its awesome. I was lucky enough to find one such as you with a SUPER active sex drive, good thing too cause as much as she wants I am always ready willing able and eager to provide.

As far as the reason you have such strong sexual desires. Its possible your exposure to sexual stimilous at an early age made you keenly aware of such things. If that is indeed the case (as it might have been with my wife she was assualted at a fairly young age too) I choose to believe that your hyper-active sex drive (and great knowledge that you can pass on about all things sexually related including safe sex) is…I dont know reward is the right term, but it is a positive comming out of a negative situation.

It *IS* fucking awesome! You have absolutely no need to apologize for actually liking sex!

I think a lot of it relates to passion. You are a naturally passionate person who likes to luxuriate in sensuaous pleasures. This is not a bad thing. Apologizing for it is just self-abuse, which I can understand all too well.

It’s wonderfull you’re able to get some now. Even moreso that you’re willing to share with those of us who aren’t.

D.

I wouldn’t make apologies for your sex drive… perhaps it was the abuse at one time, but I think you’ve grown into the idea of having this sex drive and it being a healthy thing — at least you may be getting to that point. You aren’t abnormal :) Keep it up and take what’s rightfully yours, dear.

I would thing it’s just the way it is. I have a high sex drive and my boyfriend accused me of being a guy. It might be normal for you!

I think it’s a more common response in women to not want sex after such an experience, or to turn away from men.

An inordinate percentage of the Lesbians I’ve known were abused as children.

Your precious sex drive is a gift and a triumph over adversity.

It seems to me you should be joyful and not apologetic.

I like the daily picture idea. You’re as good at photography as you are with writing.

Honey, it is totally normal, because I TOO have it. 4, 5, 6 times a day? NO PROBLEM!!

I used to think it was because of my abuse as a young teenager, but when I think back now, I remember having MAJOR crushes as a 5 year old.

I’ve come to realize that I’m just normal. And a lot of people are too. We just think we’re strange because we live in a bullshit right wing puritanical culture that thinks sex is this great taboo, rather than a normal part of growing up.

Keep on trucking baby, you’re a peach!

Only in a pathologically sick sex-negative world [hello? like this one?] do you need an excuse to justify having a happy sex life.

That’s sad. I choose not to participate in that equation.

Frolic, my friend. Enjoy!

It comes as a huge shock when, as an adult, we realise that the behaviour and experiences of our formative years weren’t the shameful negative thing we led to believe at that time, but can actually be viewed in adulthood as a force that can be used positively alongside open-minded and accepting people.

While I was never sexually abused as a child, I had plenty of f’ed up experiences which, should (according to Oprah or Dr. Phil) make me some kind of messed up adult, but I can say that compared to some of the people I know I am pretty well adjusted. Life is what you choose for it to be. There can be as many or as few reasons as you care for there to be. Its never a good idea in my opinion to let the past dictate the future. Just my couple cents!

I had been abused when I was a child. Add neglect and indifference in the mix as well.
The whole experienced left me damaged.
Consciously, I know I have hatred in me. I know I have this need for justice. I couldnt let it go.
And perhaps as a result, it spilled over into my subconscious. And sex expended into a force, a weapon to inflict. And it sort of become of explosion that I felt could erase the darkness of abuse.

Many abused victims developed “different” sexual standards. Some abused victims lashed out, inflicting sexually through rape, pedophilia, adultery, s&m, etc etc

I am not being judgemental and you may not agree with me.

But seriously, if you had been abused when you were a child, please get help through councelling.

Our subconscious feelings that spilled over into our sexual life may be the result of childhood abuse.

It doesnt hurt to get help.

Abuse is evil.

Your sex drive and ability to enjoy sex with others and yourself is a gift. It would be so much worse to not enjoy sex and masturbation. You are a lucky woman.

I have a sex dcrive as strong if not stronger than yours, and I was never abused. Since the time zi was at least 9 I have had sexual feelings, starting with daily masturbation to orgasm and although I was raised to not be promiscuous and actually WAS a good girl at one point, the drive has always been there. I tell this to my lovers and they always say they can handle me, but my ex husband ended up getting mad at me for my “needs” even if I took care of them myself. I warned him, as I have warned all the others. Choose to think it’s awesome. Think of all the people who have mediocre sex and then be thankful you don’t have to any longer!

Good Saturday morning AAG.
I was never sexually abused, and even at almost 50, I would still very happily make love 4 or 5 times a week (morning and night, so I guess that makes it eight to ten times a week…)
I think some of us have stronger sex drives than others, and that is normal. Just sort of a bell-curve of erotic desire…
I just have chemistry with so few men, emotional, intellectual and physical — that I tend NOT to have sex because I don’t feel that ‘melt’ with them.
I envy you the ability to enjoy as you do.
And I sure as heck love reading about it !
There is nothing pathological about your libido, AAG. You revel in the pleasure you seek and give, and freed of the ex’s cruelty, are getting to explore it all and find some happiness.

aag- I miss your photos, so whatever you can fo to bring them back…

now as to the sex drive and sexual abuse maybe being related…. I do not have any experience of that.. I had my own “normal” growing up.. no sign of sex in out house at all… but also no abuse that I ever had any sign of…

… all I know is that my sexual drive keeps growing… and as far as “peaking at 22″ I have certainly disproven that.

I can’t even begin to tell you or suggest anything other than- I think you are doing great and you should continue exploring as you do now…

Peace

PS- nothing happening for me in Boston/Cambridge so far.. not even any luck from Craigslist

StarTraveller ,

Thank you!

Never, never feel guilty about having a good sex drive and wanting a good sex life. It’s a gift that many would love to share. Enjoy it while it lasts - and I hope it last a long time for you.

My guess is that it’s a combination. You probably have a predeliction to your drive, but I’d guess the abuse colors it in some way.

There’s no reason to apologize and there’s no reason to suspect it isn’t “normal”. As others have said, it is what it is and you go to counseling which I assume helps you to understand it better.

Take it as the gift it is. There are plenty of people who would die to have it.

On the picture front. I’d love to see more flora. They are both elegant and beautiful. But then a nice HNT (or an HNT employing flowers) might be a good thing too.

Wow, I’ve had this conversation with myself a few times (since you and I have a few things in common). I always tried to explain away my sex drive with the old abuse story, but sometimes apples and oranges don’t have any correlation. I’ve seen childhood sexual abuse ruin some people, and I’ve seen situations like yours and mine that make us flourish (on many levels) DESPITE the abuse. You don’t have to justify your sex drive (and neither do I). Let’s just count ourselves (and the men who will have us) as lucky! And yes, I have enjoy years of counseling, too, and recommend it to others. After all, people like you ‘n me take care of ourselves in all sorts of ways!

I agree that you have nothing to apologize for. I have dated a handful of women who were abused(physically and/or sexually) and it affected all of them in different ways. The spectrum ranged from being a well-rounded, open-minded, very sexually healthy adult to having such a hatred of men that it closed her mind and made it very difficult for her to enjoy sex and the wonders of masturbation.

It seems like you came out on the good end, and I think that speaks volumes about your strength as a person. Being exposed to how fucked up the world can be at a young age sort of forces you to grow up sooner than you should, and that can be, to put it mildly, very difficult to get past.

Your sexuality and open-mindedness is a strength, not a weakness, and definitely not something to apologize for.

AAG,

I am married to a woman with a sex drive like yours, and she was not abused. It is a rare day/evening when there is no sex. So, to me your sex drive is completely normal.

The picture idea is a good one.

Pete

Who’s to say what’s normal?
My wife had almost a zero sex drive, and she had been abused as a child, tried counseling, and nothing…
My new girlfriend told me right from the start she likes to have sex every day when in a relationship, and I’m having fun keeping up with her, so far, so good ;)

No need to justify yourself, just enjoy it.

AAG,

First, yay! to the photos.

Second, Revel in your sexuality, including your sex-drive.

For years and years, my wife and I were doing the “married-with-children-little-or-infrequent-sex thing”, perhaps because she had grown up with parents who taught her that “good girls don’t enjoy sex.”

Now, in our forties, we’re discovering (she’s discovering?) the joy and giddiness that letting your passions and desires loose can bring to anyone.

Our society is so screwy when it comes to sexuality, particularly for women, that your love and longing for a fulfilling and active sex-life is viewed by so many as wrong, or slutty, or whatever- but, it seems to me, that you’re probably much more normal than realized, if only people were allowed to express what they need and want.

So, enjoy it and love your sexuality, in all it’s manifestations, and keep on sharing with all of us!

you take that sex drive and you own it. It’s yours. Don’t make any excuses for it and don’t let anything take credit for it either. I think you realization that it belongs to you and has nothing to do with the abuse is totally true. Yeah you for making such a great breakthrough!!

Hi AAG,

There are statistical answers in many papers, written by many researchers on some level of hypersexuality related to childhood abuse.

The key to all of this, though, is the word ’statistical’– meaning that a number of people were examined for various characteristics.

If you understand yourself already, and after all the years of counseling, etc., you’re probably way ahead of most of us, then all that really matters is that you’re not using whatever background predilection you have in a negative way.

Doesn’t really seem like that’s the case– so what difference does it make?

Acceptance is always the hardest easy thing we have to do in life. Keep on moving!

XOXO

Chuck

Just factor in that 30+ year-old women just tend to be hornier than 20+ year-old women.

Yeah, you’re a little fucked up, but I don’t trust terminally-happy people. I don’t think they understand the world they’re walking through ;-)

I think you’ve matured into a tremendously admirable person. You rock, doll :o)

The only scientific factor related to sex drive, particularly in women, is testosterone levels. Women need a balance between estrogen and testosterone levels. Women who have low to no sex drive tend to have lower testosterone levels. This is also one of the reasons post menopausal women tend to have an increased sex drive, due to the change in hormone balance (among other factors of course). Personally, I have found this to be true, as my sex drive is increased as my testosterone level is higher. Maybe you are just lucky enough to have that..but in the end, it doesn’t matter. Its about being happy with yourself, and finding a good match in relationships.
I am amazingly lucky to be with a younger man who appreciates my sex drive and encourages it- he masturbates several times a day, encourages me to, thinks it is a way to healing (and man, the endorphines alone are great for helping with my chronic pain issues!) We are in a long distance relationship, but when we are together we make love every day almost, and often more than once per day. I LOVE it. he LOVES it. orgasms are a wonderful thing! Enjoy yourself! love yourself! and as everyone else has said, don’t let anyone tell you differently!
PS I too dealt with abuse and rape issues..if anything it inhibited me sexually. The idea that it makes you hypersexual is crap- that is just another attempt to find a way to blame the victim for the crime, that they asked for it or brought in on in some sort of way. I have said enough, so I am not going to go into the finer points of that right now. LOL

We live in a society where women are either a) encouraged to be highly sexual and compliant and, therefore, slutty or, b) good girls, i.e. not sexual at all. Whatever is left in between is supposed to be the standard, but no-one fits into it.

So, you’re screwed if you want it and you’re screwed if you don’t (I mean that both literally and figuratively). I’ve come to realize after umpteen years and years and years of therapy that the reason - abuse, no abuse, general fuckedupedness - is irrelevent. I’m sure it took all the therapy to come to this neutral view, but came it did. I’m sexual, I love sex, I want to have lots of sex (sometimes with lots of people) and, well, there ya go.

That said, I wouldn’t in any way want to negate your revelation about this. Living with an abusive past colors everything. Everything. It makes you suspect of all your motives. I understand this perfectly well. So, isn’t it nice to consider that maybe it hasn’t permeated absolutely every little thing? Or every big thing?

Eve

Unfortunately those who think you are fucked up, and those who think that the logical fallacy of affirming the consequent (chuck), don’t know the actual research on highly sexual women. to you, and to all of them I say: google Highly Sexual Women. From what I can tell, having been interested in the subject from a young age (trying to find a woman to keep up with me), it is perfectly normal for a woman to love sex and to love having it often, even multiple times per day.

just keep on fuckin………… and enjoy every inch, every hole, every minute. You are normal. Some women who have been abused are very low in sexual interest, some high, some in the middle. It has NOTHING to do with you.

E

I think it is awesome and needs no apology.

I just noticed your tag line “Fist me like you love me”.

Hmm.

Enjoy it AAG … there are lots of people with very high sex drives … they weren’t all abused. I am over 50 (albeit a guy) and I still look for it 4 or more times a week.

I have known a couple of women who became ‘highly sexual’ after abuse, but this was generally manifest in their behaviour rather than their desire.
They had ‘boundry issues’ after having had their boundries violated. Once they learned to love themselves and stick up for what they wanted (and didn’t want) their sexual behaviour became much more aligned with their natural levels of desire.
Everyone’s different. You’re just a point on a spectrum of desire.

And more photos please.

all I could think of was “the wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round, round and round” I know what the hell are YOU thinking LG?
All of us are required in some way to keep this crazy world moving along. This is the one thing I do completely feel in my heart. Some are searching, some have found their place on the bus and are quite happy. Sooooooo…..

Really are any of us practiciing MDs? I doubt it. Could we be? Maybe? Is self diagnosis good? Yes. All I know is you seem SOOO much happier now and for that I am truely happy FOR YOU.

If you wanna talk more my couch (email) is always open for you. You might be interested in my diagnosis. My self diagnosis has been working pretty well. I’m not as happy as maybe I really want to be. But my life is much better.

And remember if you can truely swim then go for it in the deep end, otherwise, get the fuck back to the shallow end of the pool!

( and to add the LifeGuard wisdom.)

As a woman suffering from dyspareunia I know firsthand about how an abnormal sexuality can damage you and reverberate through all your most intimate personal relationships.

I envy you for being able to enjoy what I cannot due to my physical limitations. You might not be “normal” — whatever the fuck that means, as if it means anything at all anyway — but you are normal for ~you~, and what’s more, you are incredibly lucky. Embrace it as long as you take care for your health.

aag, you have nothing to be ashamed of. It IS natural. I feel bad for those who lack an energetic libido.

I’m loving the new blog, btw.

Thank you Mr. Galt.

:)

I’ve known a few women who’ve suffered sexual abuse or assault, as children or adults, and found that they generally had a LOWER sex drive than those who didn’t.

I’ve found that women from non-Christian (Jewish and Asian, mostly) backgrounds either have higher sex drives or just are more honest about it, not being burdened by the bizarre hangups and neuroses (including the absurd and very strange madonna/whore duality) that seem to plague Christians.

I’ve found that very nearly everyone I’ve known in the USA who was into BDSM was raised Catholic. That one fascinates me.

UK Protestants appear to enjoy BDSM a lot too, and their approach to it seems to overwhelmingly emphasise discipline. Might be something to do with all those stern headmasters and mistresses in the British Public School.

By far the most enthusiastic, self-confident, and uninhibited lovers I’ve had have been Jewish Americans. I don’t know much about Judaism but so far it seems to be the religion and culture with the healthiest attitudes towards sex.

Yes, I think our upbringing affects the tone, color, and unique qualities of our sexuality. But as for the amount of sex drive, I don’t know. I always thought that was biologically-based, and I’d expect that within a few years there will be studies that identify exactly what mechanisms in the brain and the body determine that.

What if your abuse contributed somewhat to your viewpoint on sexuality, and that’s normal?

Just because it is doesn’t mean it’s something that needs to be apologized for. Everyone’s expression of sexuality is developed through experience. So is yours. That IS normal.

It’s only pathological if it feels unhealthy to you. If you feel happy with it and have no fears or qualms around it, then it’s your normal.

What is physically normal is 98.6 F. What is psychologically “normal” will always be a matter of debate.

If the abuse affective your sexual nature it probably affective most of the other aspects of your “normal” life.

I’m only a short time lurker here. but it’s obvious that your ability to write with wit, verve, and insight (yes, and a bit of irony) has endeared you to the “regulars” who obviously have a great deal of affection for you.

So, get on with it. Live it. Do it. Try to be wise.

Like Satchel Page used to say, “don’t look back, something may be gaining on you.”