Well now.
Hm.
This certainly interests me.
I’ve just realized that I’m not the only one who has a profile on a polite dating site and another profile on a raunchy dating site. Seriously, I thought I was only one who’d done something like that.
“She’s very naive, isn’t she?” I can hear you thinking. Or clueless? Were you thinking I was clueless? Yes, I am often completely clueless.
Are you wondering how this momentous discovery came to me? I’ll tell you straight out. The Crier sent me a picture of his junk.
And now my eyes hurt. And my brain hurts. The pain. The horror.
Here’s how it happened. I received a wink from a dude on the raunchy site. Had a peek at his profile; he sounded good. I wrote him a short message. He wrote me back a blushingly forward message and included the aforementioned picture of his junk.
Nothing wrong with the picture itself, I suppose, as long as what he was photographing was his (how do I say this politely) … um … his unexcited junk. Generally, when circumstances call for the sending of penis pictures, I think men tend to choose images that show their bid’ness in its highly-aroused state, do they not? So as to show themselves to their fullest advantage? So if this picture was of him relaxed, then bully for him. If not…oh boy.
Not “oh boy” because I have anything against small penises. I don’t. But in reading this dude’s naughty profile, he’d claimed to possess an appendage that was both “extremely long” and “very thick,” and what I saw in the picture was neither of those things.
That right there my friends is false advertising!
Anyhow, after having a look at the picture, the thought began creeping into my notoriously desire-addled brain that his handle seemed familiar for some reason. I knew I’d seen that particular combination of letters and numbers before. But where?
I checked my email history on the polite dating site. Sure enough, the Crier’s polite handle was almost the same as his raunchy handle. Of course there was no picture of his package on the polite site, and no picture of his face on the raunchy site, but the handles were similar enough that I had essentially no doubt.
So I studiously ignored the forward email from the Crier. I was ignoring it quite successfully, but then he sent another email asking why I’d not responded. In that email he sent another image of his penis…and an image of his face.
Yep, no doubt. It was the Crier.
Sigh. I wanted no more contact in any way, ever, with the Crier, but now I have a picture of his penis burned into my brain.
