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“Which dating site are you using?” my very savvy friend asked me.
When I told her, over coffee and bagels, she “tsk”-ed at me and shook her head. “You do realize that there are better sites for you, right?”
I looked at her blankly. “What do you mean?”
“That site is too polite for you! It’s used by people who are very religious and looking for serious relationships right away! It’s got that reputation.”
With amazement I asked her how she knew. “Everybody knows that!”
I believed her. And on her recommendation, I added a profile to what she assured me was a far less “polite” site. “It’s not like AFF,” (thank goodness, I thought), “but it’s definitely meant for more casual dating.”
Within an hour of posting and answering some questions about my personality, I’d sussed out a man from my town who, according to that site’s mysterious algorithms, matched up with me nicely. When we started talking but minutes later, he immediately demanded to know how I could possibly be “more horny” than he was–apparently that’s how I was listed in his search results.
I was listed as “more horny.” Go figure. Our first conversation then focused on which of us could be considered the most horny. That’s my kind of first conversation.
We’re still in discussion as to who truly owns the title of most horny. I like it that way.
______
And now, as I realize that I’ve sat here looking out past the laptop screen for the past twenty minutes with not a single word jumping out of my fingers but with layer upon layer of salacious images tumbling around my head, I think I will stop writing.
I think I’ll choose to go about my day with those thoughts free to roam and not commit them to words quite yet.
You’ll have to content yourselves in the knowledge that I have been most thoroughly and sincerely fucked.
